K your a girl. You have a lot of friends. You listen to them often. Say you break up with your boyfriend, and you turn to all your friends to help you find the real reason you broke up. In conclusion, your friends tell you " do what makes you happy" and totaly talk you out of loving your boyfriend again. Lets say also that the boy didn't do anything to YOU, but what he did in his past is terrible. If you love someone, why would you let their past bother you that badly? and why do women let their friends make decisions for them, i mean why do women, more than men, let their friends influence them so much?
2007-03-20 04:46:29 · 33 answers · asked by Deformation Age 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I assure you what i did in my past was drug fueled and will NEVER happen again, I went through 3 years of theropy and can't even really think a lot about sex(yeah i know i'm a guy, But really i can't think about sex) because of what i did in my past. but it was a one time deal, and it took a long time to heal from it
2007-03-20 04:52:07 · update #1
haha, I'm reading these answers from the girls... I LOVE IT!! why can't i find a girl like any one of you around here?! haha.
2007-03-20 05:07:21 · update #2
Because it shows a pattern. If you cheat or cheated in the past - you have the propencity to be more likely to cheat in the future.
You are more of a risk. This is why making good decisions is so hard. Can you get drunk and drive your car into a tree? Sure - but don't expect the insurance company to trust you to make a good decision in the future.
Your mistakes are yours - don't blame someone else. She didn't feel you were worth the risk.
Now, Can you accept responsibility for your mistakes and move on? YES! But if you keep ties to your mistakes (ie continuing to make poor choices in other areas of life) don't expect people to see anything but your bad decisions.
Now, that being said - some mistakes cannot be overlooked by some women no matter how much remorse if felt or how much therapy has taken place.
Sometimes, if we're not sure about a relationship - our friends guide us because they know us better than anyone else. I'm guessing that whatever your girlfriend overlooked for a moment - was addressed by her friends who opened her eyes to why you shouldn't be trusted.
If I had made a moral or ethical mistake in the past that affected me current relationship - I sure hope my boyfriends friends and family would address it. It shows that they love and care about him. If he isn't willing to forgive me or overlook the issue than I know it wasn't meant to be.
2007-03-20 04:50:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is just the way you perceive it. Provided she has a "normal" group of friends, they aren't making her decisions for her. If they were, she would have left a long time ago, don't you think? Everyone knows that when love is involved, people are stupid. They put themselves in stupid situations and don't act with reason. They don't care what their friends say. Almost all people in LOVE are going to choose their mate over a friend.
To me, it seems as though she has made up her mind on her own. Her friends have been there to back her up and tell her that her doubts are there for a reason, and she shouldn't continue to do something that isn't what she really wants. That's what friends are for.
Now, men don't let their friends influence them? I beg to differ. But the rule of stupidity while in love still holds with men.
About your past... history repeats itself. She has every reason to be doubtful.
Move on, and work to change your future and you will find someone who won't be bothered by your past. Good luck.
2007-03-20 04:59:57 · answer #2 · answered by BellaJ_DDils 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lets stop generalize and lets agree to this one thing here. Only immature, young or stupid females go by their friends influence and advices. So i wont even continue on this conversation, you just happened to run into a chicken head.
Now if i have to address past issues where you messed up before and it bothers a female then i can tell you one thing, if that bad past happened while she was present and was your girlfriend at a time then it will take some serious time for her to recover even if she forgive you. It will take lots of time, and also it depends on how badly you messed up.
Lets say you cheated on her in a past and she confronted you. You both agreed that you gon take some time off and then do get back together because her so called friends said to give him another chance. You two get back together but she keep reminding you off your past and how dirty you did her before every time you get in a fight over nothing. It beats you because apparently she cant forget about it. You being a man you are (most of men never or rarely admit their faults) you of course dont see anything terrible that she claims you ever did. You wont ever see you being wrong. So you will never see her pain. Now thats just a case of cheating and while you with her. Of course you could of messed up with other things that are not as crucial. And even if thats the case then the only way you can fix this is by talking to her. Trust me there are things i cant live with that my bf did in a past, some that he did when we didnt even know each other yet, that do effect me to this day. And i wish he was a bigger man and asked me to speak about them. He knows its bothering me and all i want is a detailed explanation from him. Which would end with a sincere words of how he feel about me, and regular speech of him saying that its just a past and we need to move on together. Trust me all that would be a case solver.
2007-03-20 05:25:01 · answer #3 · answered by BK thang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say that if you love someone, it's based at least in part on who you *think* they are. Finding out something from the past that you didn't know before can change who you thought the person was that you loved. You can't really judge that--everyone has their threshhold for what they can tolerate and what they can't. Maybe it's not so much that she dislikes you now, but fears that you might do what you did again (I don't know what you did), and she doesn't want to take that risk.
Also, I don't think it's fair or accurate to say that women let their friends make decisions for them. Women are much more social, communal creatures than men are. The same things that make us more likely to nurture babies and be soft and sweet are the things that make us want to share with our friends and confide in them. We take our friends' opinions into account, but that doesn't mean we let them make decisions *for* us. Besides, if they told her to do what makes her happy, it doesn't sound like they tried to convince her one way or the other.
2007-03-20 04:55:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a girl - I have loved a guy for 10 years - but rumor has it that he had a girlfriend before me- I broke up with him many times - I listened to my friends - he did not sleep with that female but he did have friendship with her on the phone for a few years since he studied with her - but I listened to my girl friends coz they scared me about him - I was insecure and a child - I was scared and helpless that he was with someone else before not that it matters but he was the guy I was thinking of spending my life with and what was it that happened - could I trust him and believe him for whatever he told me - would he hurt me too - what if he denied he slept with her and had really slept with her - women want honest men - not liars - rather tell the truth and be done away with than take the girl for a ride and then she finds out what a jerk you are later on - but I came back to him many times - and we went through the tough times together - he told the world that he courted only me - coz the place we met is a small town and people talk and gossip rubbish here - it doesnt matter to everyone but in the end I live with him and I need to know its fine and sleep thinking that all my life I will remain married to him - so women I can say need reassuring and love - and care and sacrifice from the man we love.
2007-03-20 04:55:01 · answer #5 · answered by MafiaGal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, speaking for myself, I ask my friends for their opinions, not letting them make my decision for me, and they know that. They honestly will tell me what they think and then they say, "Now, I leave the rest up to you! You are still my girl reguardless." And that's the end of it. Women talk to other women because we go through more things than men do and we are more emotional. When it comes to relationships, men and women are on two totally different levels, and want someone on the same level to keep them sane, and to understand the situation better. That's all. It's more like a comfort, and vent my feelings type of thing...at least in my life it is!! And she shouldn't let your past experiences make your relationship a living hell either. We learn from our mistakes, thank GOD, for allowing us to make things a lot better!! I wouldn't hold your past against you!!
2007-03-20 04:52:45 · answer #6 · answered by N0+ 3@$!Ly &R0]{3n 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because women want a general sense of "is he a good man", women love blindly and in that we get hurt.
We want other women's opinions due to their own personal or someone elses personal views.... more often then not, one of the women has had a similar experience.
I totally don't believe in this anymore however, but used to.
I think that everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt.
Not by another persons painful experience. But that is why.
2007-03-20 04:52:38 · answer #7 · answered by sassinya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If whatever was done in the past is going to bother you to a point that it effects your realtionship than there's nothing you can do about it, but if you're ok with it then you shouldn't hold it against him. I think the reason why it happens with women more then men is becuase ladies tend to stick to thier groups acceptance. Guys are pretty selfish which is why we generally don't care to much what other guys think.
Hope it helps
2007-03-20 05:03:41 · answer #8 · answered by j_holla_3000 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two types of women: A.) She allows her friends to influence her to the point of actually changing her mind-AKA, a follower. B.) A women who talks to her friends because she's looking for objective comments and outside perspective but ultimatly makes the decision on her own-AKA, A leader. Decide what type of woman you want (keep in mind a younger girl will have to learn to trust her instincts, which comes in time) and you'll be fine.
2007-03-20 04:53:21 · answer #9 · answered by Dr. Kat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women let their friends decide because unlike guys women share almost everthing with their friends. Only people who know lots of intimate details about your life can sorta help u in a difficult situation like choosing ur guy. Most times we dont see the pattern of our relations and its only our close pals who help us realize why we do,what we do. But ultimately we make our own decision.
2007-03-20 05:53:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋