how to stop my dad from helping my drug addict sister?

Question

O.K. my sister has abandoned her family, including 3 kids, and only speaks to my dad because he gives her money. I am certain she is doing drugs. She is not a kid, 35, and used to be just fine; great mom, wife, sister, daughter. I just found out that she stole prescription medication, and money from my parents house. I'm looking for some website or group to show my dad that giving her money and bailing her out of her problems is not helping her, but actually hurting her in the long run. She needs help, but not the help my dad is giving her. Maybe I am wrong, but I truly believe handing money to someone on drugs for "groceries" or what not is not the best idea.

Answer 1

tell dad to go and buy what ever she needs no money

Answer 2

Sit your dad down and tell him all of this and how you feel about it. Tell him that giving her money is only making it worse and is basically buying the drugs for her. Tell him he should find her help so that she can get help and get better. And only buy what she needs and don't give her the money for it because she will never buy it she will only buy drugs. She needs professional help and the kind of help your dad is giving her is only making the situation worse. maybe tasking you dad to come to the computer then show him research that explains about her addiction and what to do about it. good luck with everything

Answer 3

You are right, its called tough love, if they know that parents and siblings will no longer support there drug habit they get mean and go nuts. I would suggest you contact Intervention on the internet and ask them exactly what it is you can do for her or if she qualifies for the program. The money spent on intervention is far more worth it because it gets them off the addictions. Or you could call an addiction 800 number in the phone book and ask them what you can do. Check it out, take care Heather

Answer 4

if she "needs money for groceries" someone should buy her some groceries. my 2c.


aside from that,
what your dad is doing is called "enabling" -- in an effort to help her, he's allowing her problem to get much worse,
the only way to stop an alcoholic is to allow them to get to a place where they can decide for themselves to stop.
Call child and youth services if you think it's serious enough to endanger the child. they will evaluate. it can be anonymous, i believe, from your end.

if she's not in contact with those people, i guess it's moot --- but you are absolutely right, enabling her to continue using is the WORST thing a family can do.

check out al-anon to get more info on how to deal with an addict, and convince your dad to attend a meeting. if he won't go, go yourself and learn about it, you'll be better prepared to do whatever you can.
search for al anon and nar anon online.

Answer 5

you are right this is the time for "family intervention" but first lets get dad on board you need to have a "fierce" conversation with him, does not mean yell means speak plain truth with no holding back. He needs to hear it, if he wants to continue to buy her "groceries" suggest that he buy her gift cards to the grocery store.
She needs family support to get through this just a more active and not hide you head in the sand type.

Answer 6

I went through the same thing with my family.
My brother just kept getting worse and worse.\

My dad has signed a blood oath and will just keep giving and giving to my brother's no matter what they do.

My brother's have issues that I will not even get into and their relationship to my dad and he them is just unbelievable.

For my own health and sanity I had to let it go.

You have offered advice and support and it seems there is nothing more you can do.

I just pray for my brothers to heal and know that they are loved.

The nature of their addictions have lead them down a path no man should go down.

Lord have mercy on their souls.

Answer 7

Tell your dad that there is such a thing , called tuff love.
It is the hardest thing to do in the world , not to do for your children. My mom always told me when your children grow up they start stepping on your heart, and that is what she is doing.
If dad will give it to the Lord and pray real hard I know it will work . Been there, done that, with my own.

Answer 8

You are absolutely right. In providing her with money and assistance he is condoning her actions. However, he is a grown man and chances are that he wont listen to you. My advice to you would be to tell him exactly how you feel. Let him know that by giving her money for "Groceries" hes not teaching her anything except that its easy for her to manipulate. If he futhurs his actions I think that getting him to talk to a professional is the best idea.

Answer 9

You and the others that have answered this question are right in what you say.

But it sounds to me like what you're looking for is a reference to show your dad that he has to stop giving money to your sister.

In my opinion, your father is being codependent. (He's "enabling" your sister)

He needs to understand that by doing this he's only going to make the problem grow.

Your sister is a complete dependant. She really does sound like she has dependent personality disorder.

Here's a couple of sites that you could visit to learn more about these subjects

Codependence
http://www.coda.org/patterns.php

Dependence
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000941.htm
http://www.mental-health-matters.com/disorders/dis_details.php?disID=31
http://www.psychforums.com/viewforum.php?f=216
http://www.healthline.com/adamcontent/dependent-personality-disorder?utm_medium=ask&utm_source=smart&utm_campaign=article&utm_term=Dependent+Personality+Disorder&ask_return=Dependent+personality+disorder

You could also google them and check out books about them.

And, like everyone else has said already, explain to your father how it's not good for anyone if he keeps enabling your sister, giving her money just like that, etc.

I hope this helped! Bye

Answer 10

You're right...be honest with her and your dad. Stop walking around her on eggshells as if she would break that's truly not love. How long has this enabling gone on...sure hope she doesn't start stuff up with other people's homes and lives.