how can i "toughen up"???

Question

my life has a lot of "new" stuff going on. i'm a new mom, married just over 1 year and to top it off, my husband has deployed for the first LONG trip of our marriage.

SO, i have a lot on my plate and i'm finding myself tearing up and getting all emotional at any little somewhat unkind comment.
i feel like if someone doesn't have on kidd gloves with me, then i break down.

i know i just have a lot to adjust to, right now, but how can i "toughen" up?? maybe i'm just not giving myself enough time?? i don't know??

help??

thanks.

Answer 1

Don't be to hard on yourself. I've been where you are at and I'm still there.
These are a few things that have helped me out:

First off...know that you are only one person and please don't be afraid to ask for help. Do you have a babysitter, family, or close friends near by to help out?

Your first deployment is hard but you will surprise yourself with how strong you actually are. The one thing that really worked for me was a schedule. It is what kept me sane during deployments.
Give your self some "you" time to just have a good cry. It doesn't mean you are not a strong person if you cry. This is a very stressful/emotional time right now. Holding in your feelings will not help. I usually watch a good "chick" flick after the kids go to bed and have myself a good cry.
I've been married to my Marine for 15 years and have been through so many deployments that I can't even keep track anymore!
But just know that you will do great. You don't need to "toughen up".
You said that you are a new Mom....let's just throw in some extra hormones into this situation....I'm sure that doesn't help your feelings.

Good luck!!!

**EDIT** Please don't listen to Dave S. He just wanted to get his 2 points.

Answer 2

I am recently married, and my husband is in Iraq too. You don't need to toughen up honey, your husband needs to know that you are scared, and sad that he is gone. I am a graduate student, so while I don't have kids, I have class and studying, I know not the same thing but for me it gets my mind off the pain of having him gone. With your child you see his face every time you look in your baby's face and it is hard, I know it is. My Husband has been gone for about 9 months, and honestly I wont lie to you, it has not gotten easier, I mean I guess for me it has its ups and downs. something will cause me to lose my emotions at the drop of a hat. My suggestion is to get involved with your FRG unit, and so you know what is going on with the deployment. I would also get involved with the local forum for military wives, I don't know what state you are in so I can't give you the direct link. They will help you though it as some of them are wives that have been through many deployments. If you can I would move back home to where your friends and family are, unless you have commitments where are you living now. I couldn't do it and I am living 3000 miles away from all my friends and family and so I think that doesn't help.

Answer 3

It is normal for you to feel the way you are. My husband and I were married 4 days before he deployed. I am also in the Army but we were not in the same unit so I stayed behind.
The best piece of advice I can give you-- Let him know what is going on. My family told me to not tell my husband the issues here because it would only stress him out. When he returned and I finally told him all that had happened he was very upset to be left out of things.
Deployment is hard and him redeploying will be harder-- it is almost like hugging a stranger. But if you can make it through, you can make it through anything. My husband and I have been married 4 years now. :)

Answer 4

All the bases have support groups for the wives that have husbands deployed. Join one and you will find other wives you can comune with, and support from more experienced wives as well. There will be others with small children as well, and mommy groups to get together and have quality adult time while the kids interact or get watched by all the moms are great.
Your hormones are still fluxuating after having your child, so the emotional rollercoaster will get better. If you think you may be haveing some post partum depression, see your doctor for some help; don't try to tough that one through.
As for the nasty posts; report them to yahoo as trolls.

Answer 5

You DO have a lot on your plate, do you know what the hardest job in the Military is?...being a Military wife. My spouse had to surround herself with positiveness. Other positive wives, give the family readiness group a try, take a simple/fun class at community college. Try water babies with your newborn. Have a coffee and read a book at Barnes and Nobles..anything positive and distracting.

Answer 6

Well Dear I have been on 6 long deployments in the Army and none of them was easy for me or my significant others, i have been married 2 times and engaged again, it will never get easy but you will get used to be the pants of the family, i do ask you one thing for the sake of the soldier, dont ever give up on him, what people like him do is keep the rest of us safe...he might not be there but he is fighting to come back to you, look into the family support groups, friends and family. build a strong support network, you dont need to do it all by yourself. i wish you the best and god speed to your husband.

Answer 7

god these people never quit with the insults do they? anyway don't beat yourself up about it, just think about WHY you need to be tough. you do have quite possibly the toughest job, a military spouse. but what about your husband, I'm sure he has to do the same thing. inspire yourself and you will never quit. oh by the way there are support groups for woman in your situation. they should be on the base

good luck, god bless, and thank you!

Answer 8

it sounds like you have a lot on your plate, but maybe not enough at the same time.

all i hear in your statements is what is going on with the people close to you.

not so much about what you are doing.

you need goals and you need to strive to meet them.

challenge yourself, fill your life with meaningful work.

if you work to make yourself better by achieving high goals, i think you will also find that you are tougher.

Answer 9

Consider the alternative: give up.
If you give up, who will raise your child? someone else
if you give up, who will support your H? someone else
if you give up, who will run your life? someone else

1. Determine your values and your priorities
2. set your short and long-term goals in line with #1
3. Whatever doesn't fit with 1 and 2 gets pushed to the side.

Also - having just given birth, your hormones and emotions will be going haywire. This is normal. Don't apologize to anyone. Put your kid first.

Answer 10

Just get tough with yourself. If you start welling up, just stop yourself. Realize weakness for weakness. If you then choose strength, you'll turn out to be strong. It's as simple as wanting it.