Was I raped?

Question

This happened a couple years ago. I went out with my co-workers clubbing. I was very drunk & I met a guy who kept buying me more drinks. We were dancing & I remember him putting his hands up my shirt. I didn't want him so I pushed his hands down. He took this to mean (I guess) that I wanted him to put his hands down my pants and so he did. In my drunken state I didn't know what to do because I figured if I pushed him away again he'd just put his hands up my shirt. He said we should get a taxi and go to my place. I didn't really understand what he was talking about at the time and I was really drunk so I agreed. We got back to my place,he asked for a glass of water, & I got him one. While I was turned around he started taking off my clothes. I didn't really know what to think about that, but I let him and then I was naked on my bed and he was screwing me. It really hurt and I screamed every time. After he left because his friend kept calling him on his cell. I bled for 2days

The reason I only talk about it now is because I felt like an idiot the morning after and knew that no one would take my side because I'd been drunk. I was also in a foreign country where I didn't speak the language.

As a side note: Alcohol impairs decision making, makes people more compliant and is recognized as a date rape drug.

Answer 1

the easiest definition of rape is were you capable of choosing to have sexual activity. At that time you were too drunk to give consent. there fore you were definately raped. Whether you let it happen or not, you were raped because you could not say no. This isn't a "I didn't say no" issue because if you were that drunk, you could not have said no.


Now your real problem begins. If you want to press charges, you may find that you do not have a case. It comes down to he said/she said mainly because so much time has passed. If you had gone to the er, or had a medical examination you might have evidence to prove that it was not consentual (ie brusing, tearing etc...)

You were a victim, and definately raped. Unfortunately, i don't think you have any recompense, or legal options.

The guy below me is a moron. If you are drunk, you are incapable of giving consent. If you cannot give consent, any sexual activity is not consentual therfore rape. He took advantage of that situation to FORCE you to have sex. It is rape. and any man who uses alcholol or drugs to force girl to have sex is a rapist.

Answer 2

As a woman I understand this question, but men are going to be furious. From your description it seems quite confusing and all over the place.
You speak of getting in a taxi with him when you were so uncomfortable with him in the bar. Why would you do that? Did you tell your co-workers you were going home with him? Did they notice your uncomfortableness and offer to help you get home?
Second, how did he get in your place? Why didn't you ask him to continue home in the taxi and thank him for the ride? Why were you so nice and even offered him a glass of water? How could he take your clothes off while you were conscious and you not say no? Did he rip them off? He only left because his friend kept calling? What if he hadn't? Did you want him to stay and talk or would you have kicked him out? This story just doesn't make any sense at all, drunk or not...

If you need to be validated, the answer is yes, you were raped. It sounds more like date rape, but rape is rape. Hopefully you can get counseling and allow yourself to heal from this horrible situation. Take care of yourself. I wish you well.

Answer 3

I don't know how to answer this one, besides...you are dumb and naive, and do not belong in places that serve alcohol, nor do you need to drink alcohol.

I can't see where you ever told the guy no, or gave him any inclination that this was against your will. Not saying that it was right, but you keep stating that you didn't want such and such...yet you still went along with everything.

I don't want to make anyone mad, or bad mouth you, but #1 you obviously do not need to drink, #2 your friends should have taken better care of you (more communication), #3 the guy shouldn't have done this while you were drunk.

I don't know how to answer your question honestly, all I can see is what you have written. That you were out drinking and dancing. You did turn him away at his initial advances, yet for some reason you obviously allowed for this to continue enough to allow him to think you would want to leave with him. Then you, and a stranger, agree to get a taxi and go to your place. Then you invite a stranger in your house, allow him to undress you, take you to your room, and have sex with you....all without expressing to him, verbally or through physical gestures or actions, that you did not want to do this.

I am sorry this happened, and hope it doesn't have too much of a negative effect on your life. But you put yourself in a very bad situation, and then you never told him or let him know to stop b/c you didn't want to do this. I doubt very seriously this guy was a mind reader, and quite frankly, if you agree to invite him in your home, a stranger, and allow him to undress you and take you to your bed room....I am sure he thought you would want to have sex with him.

Maybe we do not have the entire story, but on the same hand, maybe you are not telling the entire story. My best advice to is to be conscious of the situations you create and situations you are in, and to get some better friends. Don't make the same mistake twice, if you don't want to do something, let someone know. And for heavens sake, do not invite strangers in your home after you have been drinking, or if you haven't been drinking for that matter....you are just asking for trouble.

Answer 4

Well, you certainly were sober enough to remember every detail 2 years later. I wouldn't consider what happened to you rape! Sex that was a little too rough - yes, rape - no.

You allowed this man to put his hands in your pants in the middle of a night club, you get a cab and take him to YOUR home, willingly have sex with him, and then cry rape because it was a little rougher than you liked, or you are pissed because he never called you, maybe?!!! Either way, that is just wrong!! You can't convince me that you were sober enough to push his hand away when it went up your shirt, but too drunk (a few seconds later) to push him away when his hand went in your pants!!!

I have been drunk before, REALLY drunk!! But, if a strange man even thought about sticking his hand in my shirt, I would lay him out! There is not a chance in hell I would stand there long enough for it to go any further!!!

Learn your lesson!! Conduct yourself with a little more respect, and maybe these things won't happen! Rape is not something that you question! If it ever happens to you, which I hope it doesn't, you will know! It is a horrifying experience that never leaves you - please don't minimize that with your ignorance!!!

Answer 5

This would fall under "date rape". If you never pushed him away or said no he had no way of knowing. Sounds like in your inebriated state you just complied with him all the way, some women scream because it is good-were you crying and saying no stop? Some guys will get a girl drunk just so she is incapacitated so to say-not fair but you need to take control of how much you drink so you stay in control. Lesson learned?

Answer 6

Two people here said it wasn't rape and they are wrong. Granted you should use that as a lesson to not get so wasted, as he was probably drunk as well. But you screamed when he was having his way with you. That is more then enough for any man to use reasonable thought and stop immediately. This man continued.

Yes, sweetie, you were raped. I am sorry about it.

*************

People, the law very clearly states that if a woman isn't in a mental state to consent to a sexual act and the man embarks on it anyway, it is RAPE. Date Rape. The law is very clear on this. Hate to burst the bubble of all the people who are saying it isn't rape, but it is.

I hope that this never happens to any of you. But if it does you will be eating your words today.

Answer 7

Yes that is rape. Alcohol is the worst thing in the world, and it takes things like drunk driving and rape for people to realize it.

It is too late to report him, you can try but i am 99% sure it is too late. The only thing that might help you is getting in contact with the guy, ask him why he did that to you and tell him you want an apology. Maybe ask for a written statement, that way he will have personally submitted court evidence.


tell me how it goes. i fight for all women because rape will hurt you for the rest of your life. i never found my rapist so if you find yours it will give all of us a fighting chance.

Answer 8

no one can answer this for you, i would say u were definitely taken advantage of, if you weren't telling him no, to stop or pushing him off, or anything like that it might not be rape but he sure knew what he was doing when he knew u were drunk, kept getting u more wasted and wanted to go home with you- if it bothers u and can't get past it, talk to someone close to u that u trust and maybe go out with people u know will watch your back & make sure eachother is safe

Answer 9

So whats your question sweetie and if its been a couple of years why do feel compeeled to tell us now. No one deserves to be raped. I dont understand why your co workers were not there for you in the club.

Answer 10

If you didn't tell him to stop then legally it wouldn't really be called rape. What it would be called is someone taking advantage of you while you were in a very weak state. You have to put up resistance for it to be legal rape, even so I think this guy was a real slim ball cause he knew what he was doing and hoping he could get you to the point of you not knowing what you were doing.
Drinking heavily does not prevent you from saying stop, don't or quit unless there was drugs added to your drinks, then we would be talking about an illegal assult.