Here is the short version of my issue. My fiance doesnt like my brother. They have had it out in the past and he really doesnt want my brother to come to the wedding, but has conceded as long as my brother acts ok. I have 2 sisters, both of whom I am having in my bridal party (along with my daughter). My son is the Usher, and the littlest one is the Ring Bearer. I have let my fiance choose his own groomsmen and my brother isnt included. Only 1 nephew of mine is in the party.
The dilemma here is how do i make it seem like I really want him there- I know he will be hurt that he isnt walking me down the aisle, but i really dont want to take any chances of a full-out brawl... Is there anything else he can do to be included? He is my brother and I love him truly. I dont think he would ruin it on purpose, but i want my wedding to go smooth with little problems. Or should I just go ahead have him walk me & pray it will be ok?
2007-03-20 02:58:45 · 13 answers · asked by glorymomof3 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Guess I should elaborate- my fiance actually doesnt mind now if my brother comes but he doesnt want him to start to act silly or anything. My brother has steadily told my fiance that he will be wearing a jogging suit and shades to the wedding and reception (mortified my fiance but he didnt say anything to him, he just told me that it wouldnt be ok to wear that).
I just want everyone to have a place in the wedding. I feel they can put their dislike for each other in their pocket and hold it until after the wedding, for my sake (and sanity).
I was just wondering what other jobs would make him feel included BESIDES one of the groomsmen since that will never happen.
2007-03-20 04:58:24 · update #1
This is your fiance's wedding, too. And he's going to be your husband. A wedding is about leaving your family and becoming one with your husband. While I think your fiance should deal with his feelings for your brother since you are all about to be family, you need to respect his wishes on this. If they have really had it out, your brother should understand his exclusion. You could also discuss with your fiance a peace offering showing a good faith effort to get along, maybe have your brother read a passage or poem. Good luck!
2007-03-20 03:11:00 · answer #1 · answered by lawmom 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your fiance and your brother need to work things out for your sake. Not only for the wedding day, but for your future happiness. If your brother doesn't like your fiance, are you sure he'd even want to walk you down the aisle? Sort of hypocrital, don't you think? Either way, both should be able to put aside their differences for the big day. Congratulations and best wishes.
2007-03-20 03:07:39 · answer #2 · answered by J M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, lets see. Your brother has been your brother for how long? All of your life, correct? And your fiance has been your fiance for how long? However many years it's been, it's less than all of your life. Have you ever heard the expression that Blood is thicker than Mud? There is NO WAY I'd have a wedding and not have my brother there because my fiance doesn't want him there. No way. I'm getting married in September and it's killing me that my older brother can't be there - not because of family conflicts, but because he'll be in Iraq risking his life for his country. At some point you have to let the pettiness go - he's family - I don't care what he said or did or who's at fault. While men come and go, you only get one family and life is short, I suggest you cherish the one you have.
2007-03-20 03:20:06 · answer #3 · answered by Brandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention your parents so I assume that they have passed away or are not in the position to be in the party. Perhaps you could explain to your fiance that you wish to have your brother represent them on this occasion and walk you down the aisle. Your brother could also be an usher and direct people to their seats in the church.Let's face the reality that family is family and marriages don't always work out but hopefully your family is always there for you. That doesn't mean that you should let your brother spoil the occasion, so if inviting him is the only concession your fiance is prepared to make, then your brother must accept this.
2007-03-20 03:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by lizzie 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sit both of them down separately if you have too... and explain that they are not 5 years old and that they need to behave for 5 freaken hours together on your day and after that..... they can kill each other if they soo please.
Tell your fiance to grow up, it's not about who he likes, it's family and your brother will be a part of your life forever.... and that's just life. Get over it and be the bigger man about it.
Guys are worst then preschool kids when they "don't like" someone. Having the same deal, because my fi doesn't care for my best friend from high school and he's in the wedding.
2007-03-20 03:37:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One suggestion is perhaps have him do a reading at the wedding. If it is taking place in church, choose a scripture reading, if not, perhaps a poem or excerpt of a book you and your fiance find appropriate. As long as you get along with your brother, it is a good idea to keep him involved, but if you truly think he is going to cause chaos, I'm all for you just inviting him as a guest, and not assigning him any responsibilities.
2007-03-20 03:10:06 · answer #6 · answered by nicolesparks_99 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want your brother to walk you down the aisle, then that's how it should be. It's also a very good reason for him not to be a groomsman.
However, I think you're focusing on the wrong issue. Why can't the man you're about to marry try to see the good in your brother? Why can't your brother behave himself to be on good terms with your future husband? I think you have to sit down with both of them (separately) and explain that they're just going to have to get along.
2007-03-20 03:09:15 · answer #7 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you said he would be upset if he didnt walk you down the aisle. so im guessing your father is no longer around. but if he did walk you down the aisle he would in no way be a groomsman or part of the wedding party. you wouldnt consider your dad a groomsman just cause he walked you down the aisle would you? he doesnt sit at the head table or anything. and also i would talk to ur brother and tell him how important it is to you to have in there and for hime to behave nad act civelized!
2007-03-20 07:48:58 · answer #8 · answered by angelface8074 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about having him as an usher, or you could talk to your brother and ask him to walk you down the aisle but say i don't want my big day ruined. he'd probably be too proud of his sister to cause any trouble. or just a thought you could ask him to act as a bouncer on the night to make sure there is no trouble. good luck
2007-03-20 03:07:34 · answer #9 · answered by RACHEL B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would t cause problems for him to walk you down the aisle? I think that would be the perfect position for him.
Or, at least an usher, along with your son.
2007-03-20 04:48:27 · answer #10 · answered by kiwi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋