My parents split up when I was 10 on bad circumstances. I stayed with my mum for years (I now live with my fiance). My dad and I have had an awkward relationship but recently was fone. However, we had a row just before Xmas over his partner and her kids (I'm not a jealous kid - my mum has remarried), and haven't spoken since. I've tried to get in touch and had no response, he's totally changed since he met this woman and obviously she has some kind of hold over him. We were all getting along really well so this is a bit unexpected. He emailed me at work the other day to tell me that my cat had been killed (he wouldn't let me have her back), and thats the last I've heard. I really don't like him as a person but at the end of the day he's my father - should I invite him? And he's impossible to talk to - trust me, I've tried!
2007-03-20 02:54:40 · 46 answers · asked by gemma_florida 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He always acts like the world revolves around himself, he's not bothered that at 21 I own my own house (after he called me a big disappointment), nor does he think that I know he used to hit my mum. It will upset her if he is there, and I have my grandad to walk me down the aisle. My partner says I just need to ditch him or it'll mess me up for the rest of my life
2007-03-20 03:23:42 · update #1
When he begins to treat me like his daughter then I'll treat him like my father
2007-03-20 04:06:28 · update #2
He used to hit my mum, made one ex bulimic and looks like the current one is going the same way
2007-03-20 04:54:22 · update #3
I don't think you should invite him. you have nothing positive to say about him at all, so why would you want him at your wedding? I think you maybe feel that you should invite him and you're telling people what he's like hoping they'll say no and you'll feel justified not to invite him. you are justified, its your wedding, your day and if he wants to play the part of your father then he should have always acted like one.
2007-03-20 23:53:36 · answer #1 · answered by charl203 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's all very well people telling you to be the "bigger" person and encouraging you to invite your dad but, from what you say, you are already that person and have no reason to do anything further to "prove" it.
One telling thing is that you say it would hurt your mother if he were there and if you invite him you will have this additional problem to face.
Were it me I would write to him and tell him you cannot, for many reasons, invite him to your wedding without going into anything in detail. Tell him this saddens you and you will be thinking of him on the day and you hope that you will both, at some time in the future, find a way of becoming close again.
After all, you will go through the same trauma when you produce a grandchild!!!
I hope you and your fiance are very happy, the wedding goes like a dream and no one is mean enough to spoil it for you.
2007-03-20 06:13:50 · answer #2 · answered by Who Yah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you didn't invite him, would you regret it in the future? Regardless of your relationship now, in ten years' time will you wish he'd walked you down the aisle?
Depends on how traditional you are - there's nothing that says you MUST have your parents at your wedding but I suspect that normally you get on OK but it's his relationship with another person that is the fly in the ointment. However, if you invite him he may insist on inviting his new partner which could offend your mum.
So get back to the basics here. It's YOUR wedding, not his, not your mum's, no-one else's but you and your fiance. If you wish to invite your dad, but not his partner, then make it clear - and if he refuses to come without her, well that's his problem not yours. But do bear in mind that feelings do change, rows do get made up, and you don't want to exclude him if the traditionalist part of you regrets it later.
Good luck, a difficult choice here, but there's rarely a wedding list which doesn't have a clash of family loyalties in it somewhere.
2007-03-20 03:08:08 · answer #3 · answered by gorgeousfluffpot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Under the circumstances I think you should NOT invite him to the wedding if things remain frosty between the two of you. I think inviting your day whilst there is a bad feeling between you would potentially ruin your big day.
You have tried to contact your Dad and he has not responded. I think that is very cruel of him. He may have a new family now but you are still his daughter.
Don't let people force you into having your dad at the wedding. Only have him there if you have made peace before your big day.
And if having him there is going to upset your Mum and others definately don't have him there.
2007-03-20 03:47:27 · answer #4 · answered by laplandfan 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is any way to invite him in a civil way it would be advisable. It is an important day and every effort should be made to put the past aside even temporarily to have you father there. It seems like there is a lot going on with him and you would need some sort of agreements that there wouldn't be any fireworks that could spoil your day. This includes you mom as well. Good Luck
2007-03-20 02:59:05 · answer #5 · answered by Devdude 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What i don't comprehend is that this: Your mom raised you, jointly as your dad became absent. W H Y interior the worldwide might you disrespect your mom like that? by using inviting your father, you're in certainty telling your mom 'f-you, the final 22 years of you looking after me do not advise something, now that DAD is right here.' YOU OWE your mom way better than you do your father. the reason at the back of his absence does not advise something even in the journey that your mom tried to maintain him from you, because of fact in the journey that your dad had an ounces. of spine, he might HAVE got here upon the thank you to get to you in spite of besides the fact that street blocks your mom (hypothetically might or will possibly not have) placed up. Your dad did not locate the thank you to get to you - he remained a ghost for all of this time ... and so now that merely because you're in touch with him, you think of this is okay to thumb your nostril at your mom? Are you many times this selfish? i'm telling you ... do not try this. in case you opt to maintain the loving, supportive and close relationship you have which includes your mom, and in case you want her to be there for you interior the destiny once you have little ones, you will pay attention to me and not have him there. in case you want him to be a factor of your existence, it is advantageous, yet do not shove him down your mom's throat like that for the period of front OF every physique. he's a massive boy - he gets over it. WHAT ARE YOU thinking !?!?!?! <~~~~ it is me smacking you upside the top.
2016-11-27 00:31:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gemma, please talk to your Dad.
I got married 18 months ago, although I live abroad I am in touch with almost everyone in my family except my Dad. The odd phone call here and there, maybe once a year. I love him dearly but don't get on with his wife, the day he married her our relationship started to suffer. I am his only daughter and he didn't come to my wedding, my Mum died many years ago so I had no parents there and I will never forget how that felt.
I understand how you feel about his partner, you don't have to invite her, just invite your Dad. My Dad can't even ring me now as his wife won't allow it, it's a terrible situation.
Just invite him and enjoy your day, if he decides not to come, well that's up to him, but it will be his loss, as my Dad has since realised.
It's one day on your life, your parents should be there.
Good luck!!!
2007-03-20 03:05:58 · answer #7 · answered by Nickynackynoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, offer the invitation. By principle, we must do everything that we can in our power. The rest is up to God. I'm sure you would be sorry if he doesn't come, but I have a strong hunch that the woman he's currently with must be a very jealous woman. If you didn't offer the invitation, then that would be an offense to your father. It could also be a subject that his woman could pick on in the future.
2007-03-20 03:04:13 · answer #8 · answered by Dowland 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go ahead and invite him, be the bigger person and try to let the disagreement you had with him be a thing of the past. If he comes just remember to sit him away from your mum and if he doesn't come then so be it. By sending the invite you made the effort to include him and the ball will then be in his court and he will go from there.
He could just be jealous of your life and relationship with your fiance, give him another chance.
2007-03-20 04:48:56 · answer #9 · answered by Important 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding is supposed to be a celebration - fun and exciting. The purpose is to share your love with friends and family who love you (and him). Inviting your father would put a hamper on this celebration, just to be "fair" or "kind."
Your father is not being fair or kind. He's incredibly self-centered, which is probably why your mother divorced him. Sounds to me like things haven't changed over the years.
I would say no. Relax, enjoy, celebrate, and do not feel bad or guilty. When and if your dad makes a REAL effort to reunite, you know insode that you will always be willing to cooperate. You can continue to reach out from time to time, but not now.
Congratulations!
2007-03-20 03:02:48 · answer #10 · answered by jimmyjohn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋