I STILL can't accept my biological family as my family because we were taken away into foster care as infants. & even though my foster family abused me as well as my birth family, the foster family is the only people I can comfortably look at as family. The foster mom is what I'm used to as being my mother. & my birth mom is schizophrenic & strange with many personalities & voices, & it's scary. I feel like WHY DO I HAVE TO BE CURSED WITH A MOTHER & A LIFE LIKE THIS? What would my life be like if my birth mother had a normal brain? I know her illnesses aren't her fault, just like my OCD, Tourette's Syndrome, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, & Major Depressive Disorder isn't MY fault. But my disorder is my birth mom's fault because she used drugs & crack being pregnant with me & my twin sister.
2007-03-20 02:52:18 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
There is no law that says you have to like your family (ones you are born into or ones that you wind up with). If you can't accept her, then don't push your feelings and feel guilty about it. Give it some time. You obviously have a lot on your plate, and you can't start to forgive her for the things she did to you until you are in a better place mentally. That takes time and you can't feel guilty about how you feel until you're ready to start accepting it. You need to give her a break, but you also need to give yourself one. Stay strong!
2007-03-20 02:57:24 · answer #1 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you know for sure your birth mother caused you to have depression, anxiety, etc? I've never heard of that. Every family has their problems, you just have to learn how to deal with it and live your life the best you can. Your mother has mental health problems and should not be put down. It's unfortunate your foster family treated you wrong, but you have to make that decision whether you're going to let this eat you away, or just make the best of your situation. You might want to get some education on mental health issues to help you understand what your mother is going through.
2007-03-20 10:09:10 · answer #2 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's hard because for so long you had a woman B as your mother. When you found out that woman A is actually your birth mom, you get confused and can't except it. It's like you said i the first two sentences: you were taken away as INFANTS. When you have no memory of your birth parents they don't exist to you, your parents are your foster parents. At this time "foster" and "birth" don't mean "no real" and "real", it's simply just parents. When you find out that what you thought was real, is really not real (aka foster) it's hard to accept it especially because of your birth moms illnesses. Suddenly you have two moms and the other one is the cause of your illnesses. I think you blame her...
2007-03-20 10:01:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for you to accept your birth mom for who she is, because it is entirely not your fault that she is that way. It is also hard for you because you feel strongly it is her fault that you have the conditions you described.
My advice is, be thankful that you have been brought up to where you are today, and who you are today. From your question, I can tell that you are an educated person, and can contribute to society. Just make the best of what you've got, and be thankful for the good things that you do have. There are people with worse upbringings and much worse conditions.
2007-03-20 09:58:40 · answer #4 · answered by Lilliana 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A very wise man once told me, "You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family." I assume from your question that you are over 18, able to live alone and be self supporting. Move, get a job, make new friends, forget anyone that causes negative feelings or emotions and develop a family of your own choosing. No one says because someone raises us that we have to be in their lives forever....whether by birth or other circumstances.
2007-03-20 10:37:13 · answer #5 · answered by curious74432 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah
if she was using drugs when you were inside her, it IS her fault
at least partly
maybe at least TRY to not blame her too much, maybe she couldn't help that if she was an addict, not easy to stop sometimes for some people
we have to play the hand we get dealt
maybe find some kind smart adults to spend time with, even very old people maybe, they have lots of time mostly and are lonely often, with many things to teach you
maybe join a chess club or something
2007-03-20 09:59:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Life's rule book doesn't say you have to like who she is. You can't change her and you can wish she were different, but there really isn't anything you can do about it.
One thing that has always helped me in tough times is the Serenity prayer.
"God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."
It's difficult to accept but there is a lot of truth in this prayer.
I don't usually interject religion into my answers but I felt compelled to pass this along... I hope that you will find the strength within yourself to deal with all of this.
2007-03-20 09:58:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Awe sweety, that is hard. I know too... my mom left me when I was 2 years old, then my dad remarried an abusive woman and her son took advantage of me in ways no family member should.
I learned about Jesus Christ when I was a very small girl. All of his promises, the power of prayer was my indefinate saving grace! I was so down and depressed all the time, then I found hope, truth and everlasting life. Grace and mercy is in the savior. Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, the son of God right where you sit right now, believe he is going to help you, in your own private thought, tell God the Father that you believe in his son Jesus and that he came to save you from this world.... and then pray for his help. Pray for him to deliver you from these horrible conditions. Pray for a good bible based church and get yourself uplifted with fellow christians.
I tell you, it was what saved me from myself. My own thoughts, my hurt, my pain and suffering. It took a while and sometimes I would just pray for his arms to comfort me in the night and he did. Everytime I asked. And everytime I pray .. please Lord, no beatings today or whatever, give me the capacity to take this ..... help me through it... he would do it every time!
God Bless
2007-03-20 10:01:26 · answer #8 · answered by sassinya 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, grow the hell up. We all have problems. Don't blame other people. Buck up, and be strong. You are not cursed, there is no curse. There is only what is.
Yours is that you are too willing to accept a label, and blame other people for your behavior.
We all got bad genetics in one way or another. Live with it.
Be glad you don't have cancer, diabetes, blindness, dwarfism, or something else.
You have eyes, you can type. You are lucky. Realize that.
2007-03-20 09:58:45 · answer #9 · answered by A Military Veteran 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Read Dr. Laura's book "Bad Childhood, Good Life." it has a lot of practical advice on how to work through the pain of having rotten parents, and how to move on and have a good, productive life.
2007-03-20 10:22:15 · answer #10 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋