My boyfriend has cheated on me twice and is sorry and wants us to work through things. He knows that because of his behaviour that he's given up any 'rights' to tell me he needs space/time. Either he wants to be with me and work at it or we call it a day. But I don't understand how to 'dictate' what I want from the relationship and how he should be - isn't this something we should decide together rather than me telling him what to do, regardless of whether he was the one that made the mistake?
How can I lead us through this and regain trust in him?
I was thinking of suggesting a weekend away together and spending more time together as I don't think time apart will help this situation?
Confused!
2007-03-20 02:47:31 · 6 answers · asked by imalandamcuteasabutton 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A weekend together sounds good. My boyfriend cheated on me a few times when we first started going out. We worked through it by talking. I told him exactly how I felt, I told him that it hurt me that he was getting with other girls and that it made me insecure. I also told him if he did it again we were through, completetly and totally. He took that seriously and told me his feelings too and the reasons he did the things he did.
Spend a weekend together and do nothing but talk, hold each other and really try to build the trust back.
It's going to take some time to trust him again and to rebuild the relationship but it can be done...especially if you are BOTH making an effort.
2007-03-20 02:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by Suki 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your boyfriend has already cheated twice, that alone is an indication that he has not taken your feelings into consideration, nor has he feared losing you. It just might be he is too sure of your love for him, and so this makes it easier for him to decide to cheat. You might want to stop thinking so much of his feelings as much as you should be thinking of yours. You appear to be kind and sensitive to his feelings and he obviously is not thinking as much of yours. YOU, not HIM, should start to think of what it is you want and are willing to put up with. You already forgave him for cheating two times, you need to think if you want to run the risk of forgiving him a third time. Ask yourself how you handled the situation when you first found out he cheated. This should tell you why he felt compelled to cheat again. When we are too quick to forgive, we give the impression that we are a pushover and will put up with anything. While it is good to forgive, you should have pulled out your toughess love the first time he cheated and made it hard for him to be forgiven. Think about this and hopefully you will begin to think of how he takes your forgiveness as a "green light" to cheating again.You are the only one that can dictate how people will treat you in how you let them treat you. Show him not just by words, but by actions, that under no uncertain terms will cheating be allowed. And back up what you say! He needs to regain respect for you as it is obvious he has lost it. Best of luck to you!
2007-03-20 03:06:50 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant, the trust has been shattered. Trust and loyalty are 2 of the most important things in a relationship and if he already cheated twice there is no point of waiting around for him to do it a 3rd or 4th time. There are plenty of faithful guys out there and i wouldnt suggest wasting your time with this one
2007-03-20 02:52:50 · answer #3 · answered by John D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can forgive this, my hat is off to you.
I will tell you a wee bit about my experience with cheating.
Once a cheat always a cheat. Your boyfriend will always cheat. Once is enough. Twice is two times too many. It is humiliating for your lover to cheat.
My ex cheated on me every chance he got. I hoped he'd change and grow up. But then aides hit the human race. I decided that I valued my life more than him.
My first husband gave me a potty disease that sat dormant in me for 22 years. Just two years ago I almost died from cervical cancer. Brought on by this disease.
Do you value your life? It's up to you.
2007-03-20 03:00:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relationship is severely damaged, and his feeling sorry does not make anything better. Neither does submitting to your terms, by the way.
I can understand you are afraid of breaking up, you fear life without him, as you would fear any new unknown.
My advice: Look at your fears.
Consider seriously if you expect to be to be together with this person in 10 years time. Is he in your future? Do you really want to stay with him? Or are you just of breaking up?
If you know why you want to stay with him, you also know what to do.
2007-03-20 02:56:28 · answer #5 · answered by mgerben 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
became it properly worth it? Its time so you might tell him which you have have been given paid your punishment time and he's to no longer use that slam lower back. in the experience that your couples councilor has no longer instructed him that get a clean one. Your mistake became six years in the past this is adequate time to be over it. you have additionally had a infant mutually that wipes the slate particularly sparkling. that's complicated to place that one away yet he's agreed to pass on and get married. Its previous time to recover from that. on the different hand, why are you having a touch one with a boyfriend? you have the sequence out of order.
2016-12-15 04:26:41 · answer #6 · answered by trip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋