Can i get some encouragement about my fiancee?

Question

I am really depressed right now because of a talk me and my fiancee recently had. She said that she feels like she cant call me when she needs me. That crushed me because ive ALWAYS been there for her-when she calls up crying when her mother says bad things to her, when she is going crazy with stress, and every other time when she is feeling sorry for herself. We talk for four hours a night, but yet im never there for her. Who's the one that tries to make her feel good about herself every single time she calls-its me. Who always tells her these positive things about her when she's down-its me. I tell her all these things even when she throws them back in my face, and im tired of it. All the emotional abuse that she's been through at the hands of her devil mom is to blame and its been like this for the ten months we've known each other. Can you please give me some encouragement because i could definetly use some.

Oh, we live in two different states

Answer 1

encouragement? well i think you are doing all someone can do. i think your girl does have some serious problem. sounds like she is used to the misery and has to be miserable to be normal. that pertains to you as well. even though you give her all any person can ask for when it comes to feeling down or depressed or having stress etc, etc, your girl has to complain about you as well. WHY? because she's used to the misery. she can t get out from under it and when its that time again she will focus on anyone that is her cause of misery. her mom, you, work, whatever. maybe you are right and its her upbringin that is to blame for this emotional abnormality but the girl has to start seeing things for what they really are. i think that the next time she says that to you, you tell her all that you have just said here in this forum. i think that if you two are to stay together she will need counseling, and it would probably help if you went with her sometimes, if and only if she wants you to AND the counselor thinks it will be helpful. i also think that the girl needs GOD in her life. maybe you two arent religious, thats fine, im making the wrong recommendation. but if you are , then i think you both should make a joint effort to attend whatever church you go to. i think you should make an effort to put the religious ideal of thankfulness in the forefront of your days. why i suggest this is b/c it may help your girl move toward a more positive outlook on her life. WHY? because i believe that one, God can do all things especially if you ask and make an effort, and two we are creatures of habit. making a habit to be thankful for the small stuff first will lead to seeing life in a different mode. sure life sucks at times, but we can all learn to be a little more thankful for what we have. i hope this helps even a little bit. if you are going to stay with this girl, you got a hard road ahead. good luck, ill cast a prayer or two up to the man for you guys.

Answer 2

She obviously has some deeper issues going on with her that may be causing her to feel that way. It sounds like you are doing all that you possibly can to be there for her. She needs to get away from the mom and try to seek some counseling. Continue to support her like you are doing now, but until she steps out of the situation that she's in with the emotional abuse and gets some help she is never going to be satisfied with anything you do for her. Maybe suggest counseling that you could do together when you have a chance to see her. If you marry her though, I don't think things will get a whole lot better until she wants to see that you are not the source of her troubles.

Answer 3

Dear What's yer name,
Sounds like she has a big case of cold feet...going through a stage where she's trying to find all the reasons NOT to. If this is the best she can come up with...well it's not so bad. As we all know (the donut clown and I) you are a good listener, thoughtful and caring. Sounds like she may be getting a lot of flak from her mother and SHE needs to learn to step away from that. I certainly hope that SHE will be moving to your state as this may very well take some of the pressure off of her.
Hang in there kiddo...this is probably a point where things in your relationship will either get better or, well, worse. I'll keep my fingers crossed for better, hun. Seriously....you know you are a positive, caring person and I don't see where this is coming from on her part.
HUG.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your situation.

She definitely needs some counseling for the years of abuse she has suffered.
You cannot save her from herself as you already know and you are more than drained from so much craziness.

She is an emotional wreck and she needs professional help not just one or two sessions but ongoing therapy.

She has scars from years of abuse and more than likely it will take years to heal them and what is also going on is ...you are probably the one she has ever felt the closest to and really loves...when someone is into the deepest relationship they've ever known things come up from the past to be healed.
That is what is happening.

Keep sticking by the girl you love and support her...she needs your love and understanding more than anything and if she gets the help she needs...you can bet you will reap more than you ever dreamed of !!!

Answer 5

Seriously? She actually thinks she might have avoided it? I'm sorry however that sounds somewhat like self pity to me. This is approximately her mom no longer her. She could not preclude it however she will be able to make it less complicated for her mom by means of serving to her out and performing as usual as viable. If you wish to inspire your fiancee then inform her you're keen on her and are there for her after which do not pander to her self sympathy any longer.

Answer 6

Wow, this emotional abuse from her mother WILL end up on you. Children will swear that they don't want to be like their parents, but without help (in a severe situation like this), she will end up somewhat like her mother & you will be one of her victims. I know from first-hand experience. My ex-wife felt she had dealt with all that stuff, but she had not. Our kids still suffer from her unpredictable and severe mood swings that include yelling, screaming, saying terribly bad things to them, etc. Poor ex; poor kids. I divorced her and just give the kids as much support and love as I can.

You need some serious marriage/relationship counseling, together. Do it now, before it's too late. Insist on it, or call off the engagement. You can provide love and support for her, but you do not have to put up with abuse! And if your getting unfairness now, I guarantee the issues will amplify after marriage - they always do. Take care of your "issues" NOW.

Answer 7

Her life is about to change in a very big way and she is scared ! All she has ever known is her family and the only ones she has ever trusted is her family. She may feel like she is being disloyal to them by choosing to marry and leave them. Her mom sounds like she is using guilt to manipulate her. The choice is hers and you just have to wait and see who she chooses I hope it is you.

Answer 8

your fiancee probably needs counseling as a result for the abuse because she probably doesn't know how to help others or be there for you because no one's ever been there for her until you! try and be patient and get her help

Answer 9

for you sake, i say try and move on. you dont want to deal with taht for the rest of your life, nor do you really wnt to deal with devil women.. talk to her about how you feel to.. and how she makes you upset for saying taht stuff.

Answer 10

maybe she was just angry when she said this.

obviously, you DO support her A LOT.