What are some things I can do to lessen the impact of going through my teenage years without my father around?

Question

I only get to see my dad about a week twice a year. My parents are divorced and my father lives in some town somewhere in the Andes in Peru. My parents have a good relationship with each other and I talk to him regularly on the phone every week.

Its been this way for four years. I miss him a great deal and even though I love him I feel really frustrated that he did not want to come with the rest of our family to the United States. I sometimes wish he wouldnt even come visit, since every time he comes and leaves it brakes my heart.

I am 15 right now and the only male in the house and with lots of social/emotional problems. I do not blame him for any of this, but I do wish he was around to guide me or teach me the things that you really cant talk about with your mother or sisters. I look up to him but it is not the same, I have realized I find myself looking up to other people instead like my older sister's or my mom's boyfriend.

Answer 1

That your parents still communicate and you talk to your father is a good thing. Sometimes though, physical presence is very important in keeping the bond, especially between a teenage son and his father. Having someone to look up to, that's what your father is for, and he must be proud that you consider him your role model. You sound like you have an open relationshp with him, just carry on with that and let not the distance from him be a hindrance in strengthening your relationship.

As for coping with growing up, that is what your step-dad, uncle, older male relatives/friends are for. I'm sure every one of them can relate to your daily struggles while they were growing up too (girlfriends, peer pressure, academic challenges) and can give you helpful advice. Keep a good set of loyal friends so you will have a support system.

Be positive, always be respectful of your parents and take care.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Your problem is actually pretty typical for most 15 year olds. You are really looking for some kind of male bond, role model. It is not easy to grow up in a nearly all female home. One bright spot is that you will probably understand women better and relate to women better than most men. Your father's reasons for staying where he is at are based on many, complex issues. There is nothing wrong with, or disloyal about looking up to an oldr sibling or your mother's boyfriend. Your father is really not much a part of your life. This may also hurt him and he probably has many regrets as well. Life just isn't fair or easy. All expreience serves to teach something. Try to take the positive where you can find it and leave as much of the negative behind as possible.

Answer 4

I can completely understand your situation; my parents split up when I was 15, but in our case, it was the best thing that ever happend. There's not a whole lot of cause and effect or even impact. I figured out when coming from a dysfunctional family with all kinds of issues it does lead to emotional and social problems. I can tell you this though; as you get older those problems go away because you mature and you learn things and see how things are, you know?

And it's ok that you don't look up to him the way you'd like. I think it's a great idea to look up to others who aren't emotionally attached to your situation so they can give you a better idea of things.

Answer 5

If I where you, I would send this question to my father! you are a very smart kid to even be asking this. do not think about it, just print and mail it too him. If I got a letter like this, it would move me in every way!

dad of six..

Answer 6

you could join the big brother program if they have it in your city/town. join the YMCA see if they offer after school programs with male instructors to bond with. is your grand father in this country.

Answer 7

Find a good male figure.