i would like to know how to leave an abusive relationship with out feeling guilty for doing it?

Question

ive been with this person for 10 years.after the 2 year started he started to drink and go out and stay all night.it happens about every 2 months.i worry sick untill he comes back home.ive prayed for over 8 years for god to take this addiction out of him but its just got worse.now hes also doing drugs.i know that hes never going to stop,thats become quit ovious to me.i wont to leave but for some reason i think without me he would get in trouble and i would feel responsiable because i left him.i dont love him anymore but i still feel responsible for him.know one else in the world will give him the time of day except me.i wont out and i dont wont to feel guilty for doing it.please someone tell me how to accomplish this and not worry my self about it for the rest of my life.thanks

Answer 1

Hun you obviously know you deserve better than that.Tell him its all up to him, make him decide what you are going to do. Tell him if he doesn't stop this being out getting trashed all night, and drugged up then hes choosing to not be with you anymore. If he really and truely loves you he will choose you. If not than you really do deserve better, don't let him tell you differently. Another kind loving man with a big heart will come along and sweep you off your feet and your life will move on. Good luck hun i know it can be hard right now!

Answer 2

I was in the same vote 10 years 1 child and an alcoholic. You gota think about your self cuz no one else will. He will get worse and never stop you cannot change a person. As for feeling guilty just think do you wanna wake up in 10 more years and be in the same situation and realize where has my life gone. You deserve to be happy and have every ting you want in life and in a relationship and love.

Good luck

Answer 3

Unfortunately the other person has to be willing to accept help. You need to save yourself and your life and let this one go. Maybe you could attend an Alanon meeting or Nacanon which is for families of drug abusers or alcoholics. I know that you could get some helpful information from one of these meetings or groups. You can no longer take responsibility for your husband and his life. At this point you are his crutch. As long as you stay, he doesn't have to try to change because he just assumes you will always be there. This may be just what he needs to get a wake up call about his life. Take care of yourself and offer him help through one of those groups. If he's unwilling to get help, you have to get help to save yourself and let him make his own way for a change. I wish you the best. Keep praying for him and for yourself. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

You should never stay in such a relationship --- you're not doing him any favors either. Until he reaches "his personal bottom" he won't do anything to change --- there's nothing you can do to change him --- he has to want it for himself and he needs to be the one praying for a change --- in himself. You're what they call an "enabler" right now so RUN .... DON't walk away. You can't be any good to anyone else if you're not healthy yourself and right now you're not. And both of you deserve someone who loves and adores you and you're not getting it where you're at and you don't stand a chance of getting it as long as you stay. Further, he could pull you down with him if you don't get away NOW -- ie, you could be with him in the car when he's pulled over and drugs are found, the police could be called to your residence because of neighbors hearing fighting going on (or if you have to call for assistance) and while there observe your boyfriend's overall demeanor and determine he's on drugs and further look around while they're in your residence and locate drugs .... and your name is on the residence, also ..... there's endless examples. Good luck!

Answer 5

First of all, you should NEVER feel guilty for leaving an abusive relationship. None of that's your fault and only a guy with absolutely not cajones would beat up on someone weaker than him. Especially someone that obviously care for him so much she stayed with him that long. You deserve happiness. You need to find trusted resources like friends and family to help you leave him and get the heck out.

Answer 6

You didn't make him drink.
you didnt make him do drugs
you didnt make him stay out and not come home
you didn't cause the hurts or problems of his past before you met him...or his psycological problems or whatever is going on in his head...
you cannot "fix" anyone...
you cannot help anyone that will not help himself....
you are feeling guilty because you cannot DO anything and you want to, thus it make you "feel" and "think" bad about it all
he is already "in trouble" , as you state, because he has made these choices, not you...
You now have to make your choice and sometimes the right choice is the Hardest choice of all.
Write down the numbers to AA and subtance abuse numbers in several places in the house (on the fridge, on the walls, on the kitchen counter, not paper that can be thrown away)and just go...go to family to get your head and wits about you back together..this can and will sometimes make aperson aware and just wake up just enough to call those numbers.
Pray to God that he will help himself sometime ,somehow and leave it in Gods hands..

good luck

Answer 7

If he can drink & drug he will if you give him a safe haven to come home to it justs make that much easier for him to drink.
the only ting that matters in his life is where the next drink or drug is comming from nothing else.
trust me with or without you his behavior will continue to esclate, You as a person do not deserve any kind of abuse at all!!!. protect yourself and see if he gets sober & then if you want to you can consider a relationship with him.he's only going to get worse not better unless he realizes what he's lost
Please trust me
and you go to some alanon meetings & they will help you understand him better & what to do the meeting are in the phone book or ask the police dept. or mental health facility.

Answer 8

What are you feeling guilty for??? You have to take care of YOU and YOU CANNOT save him. He has to WANT to change. You will have nothing but a life a regret if you continue to GIVE this person YOUR life! Sweetheart, life is way too short. You have bigger and better things that await you, as soon as you shut this door and open the one with your future on it. We (women) always think we can save the world....when are "we" going to start holding them responsible for their words and their actions???!! Don't give into him! It's your life we're talking about, not HIS! Good Luck to You!

Answer 9

start by calling your local support number for al-anon..I will assure you will get immense hope and strength from this group. Just go once...and then maybe you'll be inspired to go to the group again. There are billions of people like you and me. Thank God there was someone there to point me in the right direction. You cannot change him at all, but you can change you and you're life by being good to yourself, you did that alreaady by asking for help!! Good luck...and BELIEVE

Answer 10

His life is his to make or ruin. You are not responsible for his action whatsoever. And even if you do want to help him, HOW? You've been staying with him for 10 years, is he any better? or worse? Think about yourself, you have your own life to live too. Why do you have to sacrifice it to someone you don't even love anymore? Besides, he's a grown man. If he want his life to be miserable, you should know better than let him drag you down with him.

Good luck.