He was treated BADLY in past relationships. I found out last night that he was still talking to an ex when we started dated. She was horrible to him. He had something really wrong with him and needed a doctor, she didn't want to take him becuase she had plans with another guy that night. I mean that's wrong! If she loved him the way she said she did, she would have missed work to take him. I have been there for him through everything! I sat at the hospital with him for 3 nights when he was sick! I don't know what else to do. I have promised I would never hurt him, he scared I'm going to cheat on him. He always ask me if I'm gonna cheat on him. It hurts me so bad when he asks me that. I'm out of a bad relationship too, but I'm not taking it out on him. My ex use to beat me all the time. I'm not blaming my fiance though. I trust him. I'm not letting the past ruin the future. I'm scared he is though. He asked me to marry him and we have set a date. But I'm scared he's going to change his
2007-03-20 01:55:16 · 10 answers · asked by angel2005_2001 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
mind, and decide to leave me. I have promised him time and time againt that I wasn't going to hurt him. I have told him that it hurts me when he thinks i'm cheating or will cheat on him. I told him I didn't want anyone else but him. I don't know what else to do. All I want is some faith from him. I want him to trust me that I'm not going to cheat on him! I haven't did anything for him not to cheat on me. We live together. I'm 21 and he's 22.
Can I please get some opinions on what might be going on inside his head or heart.... I love him very much. He loves me too, he just can't get over the past.
2007-03-20 01:57:50 · update #1
I dated a screwed up girl for a while who cheated on me and was very cold. Now i am married to an amazing, warm, wonderful woman who is there for me for anything as i am for her. In the beginning i had some trust issues with her because of the ex but i got over it in time just like he will with you. Give it time and everything will work out
2007-03-20 02:00:45 · answer #1 · answered by John D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow o.k calm down.First off I'll repeat all the little yhings in your head you dont want to admit,no one does,All people are human all of them .you cant honestly predict how your lifes circumstances will change your feelinds or choices.You've already proven to your self that love IS conditional,your last boyfriend was abusive,you made a descion to stop loveing this person[goog girl] he chose to put up with a selfish girlfriend,until it was no longer a good descion for him.look if you cant talk about it with him now,practice,being engaged is the most opportune time to bare it all to each other,good and bad, cause if it ends there's less money to lose,fewer feelings to hurt.BUT this is really a minor problem,tell him you dont belive in being unfaithful.he really has no choice but to believe you ,know hes insecure,re-assure himm when he needs it, because you care about his feelings, but put your foot down if a begins to get controlling.yes he is letting the past in, thats human he'll get over it,ask him what he needs ,to feel safer,dont worry so much about changeing him before you really understand how he works.good luck!
2007-03-20 09:27:11 · answer #2 · answered by lise z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this guy has a lot of insecurity and bad baggage he needs to get rid of before he gets involved with u or anyone else i would not advise marriage until he had his head on straight u should both seek counseling before u marry ucant begin a life together with this fear factor and trust issue in the way marriage is hard enough without all of this and if he cant agree to it maybe u should follow ur gut instinct it willnever fail u dates can b changed because hes not ready
2007-03-20 09:01:51 · answer #3 · answered by mmbmw2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he loves you very much and he doesn't want anything to happen to him like the past, he is worried and scared and cause he knows that you care about him and doesn't want to be without you, the problem you have is first you have to earn his trust, you first have to be sure that he trust you 100% then start a marriage,show it to him and make him believe that you are only with him, share everything with him , talk to him much more about everything,spend more time with him and inform him about the places or stuff you do when you are not with him
2007-03-20 09:13:57 · answer #4 · answered by Jigar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop it right now. hes too insecure to have an honest relationship with anybody. you dont need that. youll only start resenting everything about him. now as far as you go, you have your own issues to deal with with your past. you might not think it will effect you now, but it does. when your both over the hurt and anger of the past, then move to the future.
2007-03-20 09:00:11 · answer #5 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need to have a long talk about the state of your relationship and your future.Maybe even go see a professional about it.No shame in that.It really sounds like he's not ready to be married at this stage.Give him time.
2007-03-20 09:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by Jamie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to throw up a big red flag right now. If he is still talking to his ex then he is not emotionally ready to be in a relationship with you. He may not have feelings for her and she may have hurt him but the fact that he still talks to her suggests to me that she still has the power over him.
I know that may sound odd to you but it is true. Abusive relationships are about power and those of us who have been abused give our power to our abuser, when we have been abused for so long it almost seems natural to give them the power. What I mean is even though he is no longer with this person she still has an effect on him, he knows better to be involved with her but it's an emotional struggle. He loved or loves her but he knows he cannot have her the way he wants to because of the abuse but he can have part of her in the relationship of a friend. I have been there believe me, it sounds weird but it's true.
I was married to an abuser he had such power over me, I loved him to the extent I didn't love myself, I did not matter, he mattered. It took my daughter to admit he had abused her before I could force myself to stay away because I love my daughter more than I loved him or myself but had it not been for her I would probably still be in that relationship. After it ended I still could not handle not having him in my life in some sense, even if that meant just talking to him on instant messenging....he played on that fact...he knew how much I loved him.... he would use that to get me to call him, then he'd want to meet but the smart part of my brain new better and when it came to calling that's where I drew the line. It took years for me to take that power back.... even though I hated him for what he did to her you think it would have been easier but you have to constantly put that abuse in your face, you have to force yourself to be in that abuse in your mind until your mind and heart realizes that you can't do this any longer.
Please ask him to go to counseling alone and you both could go together I'm sure you could use the counseling too since you have been abused. He doesn't love himself right now so he cannot love you. He also cannot trust you because he doesn't trust himself. Our hearts will betray us. You cannot have a healthy relationship when two people are broken so please, please get help for both of you...you will feel so much better for it and this will also show him that you care enough not to want to hurt him but to help him.
Good luck!
2007-03-20 09:52:46 · answer #7 · answered by Kellie~Baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is insecure and loves you so much , he prob doesnt think you would cheat but he always wants to hear it !! he always needs reasurence . persevere with him and reasure him as much as you can xxxxxxxxxxxxx
2007-03-20 09:02:43 · answer #8 · answered by clare w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
show him,.!
ALWAYS CARE FOR HIM, ALWAYS ASSIST HIM.!
remember that action speak louder than words..!
2007-03-20 08:59:53 · answer #9 · answered by igel manalo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u will get over it, its cool
2007-03-20 08:57:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋