Boyfriend Freeloader - How much is too much?

Question

I am in a relationship that started beautifully, love and all. Now the boyfriend has moved in with me and I am covering most of the household expenses. I make a lot more money than he does, however I work less and have a lot of debt I am trying to pay off. Well, the boyfriend is not doing what he can to contribute more. He is happy with a meager job and spends a lot of time with video games. I feel he should study books that will elevate his career. He justifies contributing to less than1/3 of the rent because he says that apartment is still mine and I make all the decisions at home. This does not feel right to me. I at least think things should be 50/50 regardless if I make more money or if I have my way around the house. When I rented bedrooms in the past from others, I would have to conform to the house rules and still be expected to pay may share of the rent even if I did not like the house rules. Well my question is: Should I be more considerate of his financial situatio

Answer 1

That is awful! Drop him! I had an ex BF who did that he lived with me and he just took and took!

Answer 2

He does not respect you when you ask for more money and you are losing respect for him. The only way you will have respect for him and for him to start showing respect for you is for him to pay half.

Because of this inequality in the relationship you are starting to judge him about how he spends his time (video games) and where he works: this is not good. It sounds more like you are an exasperated parent than his equal partner. The fact that you 'make all the decisions around the house' and 'have your way around the house' also adds to the inequality. Would you be prepared to stop all this if he did pay 50%?

If you own the apartment I can kind of see your boyfriend's point of view because you will have that asset whatever happens and for him to pay half the mortgage and have no asset at the end of it is not really fair. However if you decide you want 50% from him, then bottom line is: your house, your rules.

If you are just renting the apartment in your name then you should charge him whatever you would charge any lodger, otherwise you are paying his way and this is not fair. More importantly it is very bad for your relationship. It actually undermines his masculinity - something that you will eventually find unattractive, however modern you might think you are. It creates the lack of respect between you that I mentioned. Eventually he won't even respect you for letting him do it!

You could suggest moving into a smaller place where he pays half. If you want a life together, the only way is 50/50. He is not listening to you and he is happy to take your hard-earned cash for some reason. This does not bode well for the future! Sort it out now!

Answer 3

Absolutely not. What you should have done is laid down the ground rules before he moved in. A list of bills and obligations each month, rent, electricity, heat, gas, phone, cable etc, and the amounts that are typically paid. Then you tell him that he has to pay $x amount of dollars each month to cover himself, no if/ands or buts about it. If you don't feel it already, you will begin to feel the financial strain and it will make the relationship very difficult, only adding to your frustration. If he can't support himself now, living with you, and only having to cover half of the bills, what makes you think he will ever be a viable, self sufficient entity in the relationship? Chances are he will freeload off of you until you've had enough and then he'll move onto the next one.

Answer 4

If he is living with you, then the apartment is his responsibility, if he wants a maid and wants someone to cover it all, then tell him get out! Your not his mom, your his gf and partner. If he wants a mommy figure and wants someone to take on all the responsibility then he needs to go back to living with his parents. If is not fair for you to do it all by yourself, regardless of who makes more and has a better job and who's place it was before the move in. When you move in together, whether married or not, you both make a commitment to be one and do things as one, not as a single. I wouldnt put up with it, and if you continue to put up with it no matter if you love him, then you only have yourself to blame. As far as I am concerned everything is 50/50 bottom line!

Answer 5

When it comes to money people become obsessed. Women have no problem taking but not giving.

There is no such things as equal relationship. Someone will always have more or less. Even if you earn the same he may spend different to your spending.

Get over "false equality" and focus on the need for each other to share and contribute as able.

Answer 6

while you're no longer telling him which you do no longer prefer to furnish for him, how can he understand. that's a flaw in his character that he's not any longer offering you financial help without prompting besides, yet as he's being so backward with this, you could supply him the possibility to make contributions by utilising sitting him down and telling him which you won't be able to safeguard the funds for the two one in all you and you pick him to pay his way. you're green with envy with the placement already, so there is not any experience in feeling afraid that he might stroll if he's indignant. If he's, he wasn't worth protecting besides. He would not look very loose together with his interest the two, so whether he is going and you omit him slightly, like a cut back on your finger, it is going to quickly heal!

Answer 7

Excuse me but I'm not trying to be rude by any means i think that it's very considerate of you just sitting there listening to his excuses the bottom line is if he wants to stay he needs to pay. You don't live there by yourself so why should you have to pay most of the bills by yourself. He needs to grow up and realize that you have to sacrifice little childish things in order to keep a roof over his head and now is the time.

Answer 8

Boot his freelaoding azz to the curb.


;-0

Answer 9

Give that b/f a poisonous apple or the boot, whatever comes first.

Answer 10

No. It is costing you more then your half and your utilities and groceries have increased because of him. He has found a sugar Mama and that is you.