Just last month, 2weeks after my annual checkup,the doctor called me to go to his clinic immediately.I hv been told i hv cancer.Being a non smoker nor drinker myself i was very puzzled but was told to accept the fact.Now i hv not told my wife nor family yet as i was still not able to accept it.Doc told me i'm already in stage 3 and there's nothing much really they can do for me.I 'm 35yo and happily married to my lovely wife.I honestly do not know what to do and sucide is constantly on my mind. Currenty i m too depressed to do anything.I m very worried how my wife will react.I' m writing and asking this question not to gain any sympathy but advices that will hopfully end my burden.Yes i admit i will die but i do feel that i hv let my wife down.What should I do?
2007-03-20 00:13:41 · 31 answers · asked by chasen54 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, you need to let your family know in a gentle way.
This is a pressure that happens in very very many families.
I would talk to your Doctor about cancer therapy patients, and you and your family can go to for encouragement and help.
Be careful not to become too depressed sir, and with these last months or years of your life, make the best of it for their sake, and enjoy it as much as you can, so they have found memories of their strong and loving spouse and Dad.
...Draw closer to God, He gives inner peace through trials like this. We are not promised a bed of roses for this life, but we are watched by this awesome God, of how we handle this precious life that is given us.
some things we don't understand, but this we do, to love and be an example all around us.
Do not get into self pity, I know it's easy and you deserve it, but instead, be a loving servant to those around you, it will make you feel better.
Stay away from sugar, as sugar feeds the cancer.
learn what foods to eat to help you stay stronger.
I will pray for you.
2007-03-20 00:24:11 · answer #1 · answered by tuna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!! YOU ARE A LIAR!!!
I looked at your previous questions. You mentioned in a previous question that your wife left you. You mentioned she divorced you six years ago, then later you said she divorced you two months ago, then in another question you mentioned you supported your stay at home wife, and in yet another you mentioned that you were single. You also mentioned that your son had an incurable illness, and that your daugher was a lesbian. You're really disgusting. This hurts people who are actully physically ill. I don't understand why you would ask something like this if it's not true. And if you wanted a hypothetical answer, you should have asked a hypothetical question, instead of trying to get all of these poor people's sympathy! Shame on you! Lying, even over the internet, is still wrong!
2007-03-20 07:36:40 · answer #2 · answered by lilmissmiss 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I wish I could help but I guess the advice you asked for is the best I can do. First of all, your wife has the right to know, don't keep something this important from her. You will only hurt her more when she finds out that you've been keeping something like this from her. She probably won't take it well but it's up to the two of you to be strong for each other. Spend all the time you can with her. Enjoy the time you have. Seek treatment. Don't think about dying, think about living during the time you have left. If you have kids, have a family conversation with them. Most importantly, you need to get out of depression, it's probably not helping you at all. Talk to a professional, they can help you. I hope this helped a little. Good Luck.
2007-03-20 08:38:59 · answer #3 · answered by K9Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I am so sorry. Please don't commit suicide; your wife will want to spend these last months with you.
First, I would get a second opinion from a top oncologist - perhaps there is some treatment, you never know. If it was your family doctor who treated you, he may not know all of the possibilities.
If it is terminal, I would tell your wife very gently then plan a trip for the two of you - do something you've always wanted to do together, and make sure that your last memories together are positive ones.
I am so sorry.
2007-03-20 07:19:58 · answer #4 · answered by nomadic 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am very sorry.
I know it must be very difficult for you to accept but please do not suffer on your own. You really should tell your wife and family they have a right to know too.
I know you are feeling very low and confused but suicide should not be an option, this will only make it harder for your family to deal with.
I am sure things would be better for you if you spoke to your family, it will be difficult and very sad but you shouldnt carry this burden on your own. You and your family will be able to help each other through this difficult time. You can organise such things as what you want to do with the time you have and your wishes to be carried through when the time comes.
I genuinley hope that you and your family will be ok. I think you will feel a bit better once you have spoke to them and I really beleive they have a right to know too. Try putting yourself in your wifes shoes, how would you feel if she didnt tell you? You would be left asking yourself why?
I wish you luck, be strong. Take care
2007-03-20 07:23:32 · answer #5 · answered by Jessica Rabbit 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
TELL THEM!
For starters, it's entirely possible your depression is self-inflicted because you're dealing with this all by yourself.
Secondly, your cancer already represents a crisis to the family whether you tell them or not. It is your responsibility to help them come to grips with it. Regardless of how grim the situation is simply curling up and waiting to die while leaving your wife and family in the dark about it is about the worst possible way to deal with it. You may feel like you let them down but cancer is not your fault any more than a lightning strike setting your house on fire would be. You don't blame yourself for the lightning and wait for everyone to get burned up. You protect your family as best as you can and do what can be done.
Thirdly, are you just taking your doctor at his/her word without a second opinion? Are you absolutely sure you there's no alternative? If there's ever been a time to get a second opinion your situation is it!
From what you describe it sounds like you've become depressed. There's no shame in that--hell, if cancer doesn't depress you, what does? But you can't let all this paralyze you out of fulfilling your responsibility to your family. They have a crisis on their hands whether they know it or not. HELP THEM HELP YOU deal with all of this by telling them everything that's going on.
* Tell your family what's going on.
* Get counseling or therapy for your depression.
* Get a second opinion on your cancer.
* Prepare your family for the fight of your life.
2007-03-20 08:05:18 · answer #6 · answered by Ralph S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Always with something like this you get another opinion, I hope you done that already. You should tell your wife and your family. Your wife will be there for you and be your rock! Of course she will be hurt, she is losing the man she loves with all of her heart. She will be the one to help you through this. Depression comes with any type of illness and I honestly think the only one that can help you the best is your wife. She knows your strength and weaknesses. Let her be there for you in your time of need.
2007-03-20 07:24:33 · answer #7 · answered by dakota_gal_1968 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sooooo sorry to hear that i feel so deeply for you and your family.
i understand how depression feels and sometimes you think suicide is the best way out but stop and think about your lovely family and how much they love you and you love them how would they feel if you did that. please tell your wife and family what your doctor has said so they can have every oprtumity with you to enjoy every last minute to love you hold you and cherish every second with you so they can be left with no regrets on not doing and saying the things they want to say and do with you, try to enjoy the time you have left let you wife and family know how much you love and care for them its hard i know but it is the kindest thing for them and you they willl be a great support for you, i hope all goes well and i am sure your wife will get every bit of support she needs from you family and friends when the end does comebut it is much better for her to know now than later when its to late, take care.
2007-03-20 07:24:27 · answer #8 · answered by leemag79 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First off...tell your wife and family what is going on because you NEED their love and support. Secondly...if you're in the US, contact Cancer Treatment Centers of America...they have been known to successfully treat cancer patients whose doctors said they were terminally ill. Contact an oncologist as they specialize in cancer treatment and can offer a second opinion. You're not letting your family down. You did NOT choose to get cancer. However, suicide or not telling them or allowing them to love and support you, would rob them and you of precious time. My heart goes out to you and I can understand the depression after such a diagnosis...all the more reason not to handle it alone. But I urge you to get another opinion and contact Cancer Treatment Centers of America. I wish you strength to talk to your family...and will pray that you're able to recover from this illness as many do. There is always hope so please don't give up until you have checked every available resource.
2007-03-20 08:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I am so, so sorry!
Don't rob your wife and yourself of another day. Tell her! Yes, it will be difficult, because the emotions will be overwhelming. Again.
But this is the rest of your life you are talking about, dear!! Give the woman you love every opportunity to be the lover and helpmate she promised and wants and needs to be. It is never too late to share joy, pain and fear, strength and weakness. Give yourselves as much joy and mutual support as you can manage with the rest of your time. Perhaps you can do a thing or two that you've always wanted to do.
Please, please, please trust that you and your wife can face this together much better than you can any other alternative.
Your have my prayers and best wishes.
2007-03-20 08:22:34 · answer #10 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋