I broke up with a gal after she cheated on me.
Afterwards, I wanted nothing to do with her, but we lived in the same town. I honestly only gave the facts when asked by friends “what happened?” and saw no interest in blasting her. but we have some mutual friends and it makes things awkward when at gatherings. But then friends now come out with true (really true) “secrets” of things that happened while she and I were together.. so my questions are
1. How do you act towards an ex-partner (due to betrayal) when situations come up when you have to be near them?
and 2. How do you react to friends who kept these “secrets” from you when you should have been told?
2007-03-19 23:16:01 · 10 answers · asked by original5thguy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If you act like a gentleman, you will gain respect from all sides. Plus, you will show your ex what she gave up by her foolish cheating. As for the friends, tell them you understand their not wanting to get involved in a sticky situation, but in the future if they know of something like this to please be sure to tell you. Reassure them you will not drag them into your situation, but that you would like to know if someone is betraying you so as to not continue a relationship and get hurt. Good luck.
2007-03-19 23:21:52 · answer #1 · answered by Shyler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. This situation is pretty common, uncomfortable but common. I would, and have, tried to take the high road and be polite if confronted with the ex, say hello and move on. Nothing says you must engage in conversation, if you're mad or upset, you're allowed to be. Sometimes though, they will make the first move in an awkward situation. Follow their lead. It really depends on your mood, the specific situation and the rest of the company you're keeping.
2. Well, your reaction to your friends that kept information from you depends on how you consider it. You say you feel you should have been told, but from their perspective perhaps they were concerned about hurting you with the info and/or betraying her, as a mutual friend of you and your ex.
If you do actually want to react, simply explain to them why you feel you should have been told. The fact is, they kept the "secrets" from you already. All you can hope for is that in the future they consider your friendship and enlighten you before it's too late.
2007-03-19 23:40:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be too harsh on the friends. It is a hard decision to tell another friend something they don't really want to hear..especially if it is hurtful. Not really sure why they would bring it up after the event tho? As for the ex...its not worth your time to bring it all up and it will just show her that you still care. Say nothing and if she talks to you...smile and say hello and keep walking. The trick is to never let them know what you're thinking!
2007-03-19 23:23:39 · answer #3 · answered by bundy_bee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are several things that you have to keep in mind... nobody wants to be the "rat" and sell out anyone else... it doesn't make your friends any less your friends. Keep your head up high, like you knew all along, although you didn't. Be brave, stand tall. Always be polite to your ex even though she's a C.U.N.T. and ensure you keep your friends. The higher ground will always make you the better person, even with the friends that know they should have told you all along... Take care Bud.
2007-03-19 23:24:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Chalk it up as a learning experience and just don't have anything to do with her. As far as your friends, if you want to keep them...you need to let them know how disappointed you are in the fact that they felt they had to keep information from you and that you would appreciate them not letting you walk around with egg on your face and you not knowing it. You will live through this...we have all gone through something like this and trust me, it will all be history soon.
2007-03-19 23:20:49 · answer #5 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unto thyself be true. You know how you feel, so act accordingly. If you hate her and you hate the secret keepers, then feel free to hate them. They deserve it. If you feel like forgiving them forgive them. Big picture is: she screwed you over and the people who let it happen aren't your friends. I'd treat them like pieces of trash because that's how they acted. Try to find a better crowd to hang out with.
2007-03-19 23:25:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wise fellow will show forgiveness and move on...you will be wise, strong and mature.....its hard but its the most powerful feeling you will have and a good cure for suffering..
Talk to your friends and ask them for their reasons for not warning you...they might have felt that you would get angry at them so they kept quiet.....
2007-03-19 23:22:25 · answer #7 · answered by chaminda l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hard questions!
1. it's better to avoig meeting her, because you can't act normal, of course it disturbes you
2. people usually don't say stuff that coud threaten a couple because they are afraid of the consequences, even if they know something that would be of grat importance to you. it's your choice if you keep being friends with them
2007-03-19 23:23:39 · answer #8 · answered by Sabina S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They aren't real friends if they kept secrets from you. I would be very angry at friends that did this and angry at her. Probably be more angry at the so-called friends though.
2007-03-19 23:21:33 · answer #9 · answered by Mista R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well.....my first reaction is to say let it go....but I have been there and my real reaction was to move on with my life and start fresh.....it's hard sometimes to do that but allowed me to let go of the hurt and heal.....
2007-03-19 23:19:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋