I love my bf with all my heart, I want to marry him and give him children someday, he feels the same. When he looks at porn when I am gone, I just feel bad because it feels like he is looking elsewhere to satisfy his needs because I'm not doing it 100% I am trying so hard to understand and be ok with it. So I have some questions okay?
If I where to masturbate to porn alot like that it would be because I wasn't satisfied with my bf.
If you find nothing wrong physically with your gf, you two have never had a fight, and she is legitimately your best friend even before you two were together, what are your reasons for watching porn? Do you compare the girl's bodies with your gf's and wish she had a body like that? Do you imagine that YOU are having sex with that girl? Do you get more aroused by porn videos or your girlfriend? And lastly, how do you view porn and the girls in it.
2007-03-19 22:38:48 · 20 answers · asked by Secret Bubblegum Agent 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am a good girl to him, I love baking him cookies from scratch, I make him dinner every night, I'm always in the mood for sex and anything he wants to try, I do watch how I eat to stay in shape, I love spending time with him. I just feel, I don't know, like I don't measure up sexually for him.
2007-03-19 22:49:40 · update #1
Porn is an interesting, and very misunderstood, thing. For those who enjoy it, we understand what other people get out of it and there's no real problem so long as it's not an addiction. For those who don't see the appeal in porn, it can be immensely hard to convince them that the myths out there aren't true.
People who watch porn are not using it as a substitute for sex, believe me. Porn/masturbation and sex are two completely different things. People assume the same things you do- that he's a horndog who constantly wants more sex, that you aren't attractive, don't fulfill his fantasies, etc., etc., but it's just not true.
The time that one spends alone with porn is VERY different from that spent with another person. It's interesting that in every other aspect of life, we expect an equal balance of time with people and alone time; we recognize them to be necessary to happiness. Yet in sex, we assume that once you have a partner, you have no "need" for solitary sex. That's bull. Sex with a partner is beautiful, amazing, but there are different goals in mind than when you're alone- with someone, you're working to please them, your mind is in a different place.
I know people who have amazing sex lives with gorgeous people- sex is always available and desired. And still these people like to occasionally sneak off and have some moments to themselves, not because of any lack of anything on the part of their partner, but rather because that solo masturbatory time is on a different level from sex with another person.
I guess my question is why it bothers you so much. Don't worry; I'm not harping on you for not liking it, but if your sex life is good, you know he loves you and you love him, he isn't addicted to porn (i.e. he can still climax without it and doesn't watch it excessively to the point of avoiding outside life), then I see nothing wrong with it. Perhaps your feelings are hurt by his liking of porn because of those myths we discussed above.
I don't know your boyfriend. You do, and better yet, you have access to him. Communication really is key. If you don't talk to him, he can't know there's a problem. If he doesn't understand your fears, of course he's going to be glib and shuck them off, and if he doesn't communicate to you why he likes it and how it doesn't harm your relationship, then of course you'll end up feeling bad. What you need to do is come together and talk openly, non-judgementally (this is the important, key word) about your feelings. Express your worry and the anxieties you have, and don't be accusative. You don't want to say something like "Why else would you watch porn if you weren't attracted to me?", but rather frame it in "I" language: "When you watch porn, I get worried that maybe you don't find me attractive anymore.". Ask him honestly what he likes about porn and listen to him with an open mind. Porn is a huge industry, and a gazillion men and a few million women (like myself) like it; it's not as though he is alone. Neither are you, of course- many women and some men, too, don't like porn. But the key is to come to a better understanding and then come to an agreement that works for both of you (compromise is a wonderful thing).
I answered the other part of your question when you asked it before. Just know that this doesn't mean he's dissatisfied or that you're lacking. Talk to him.
I don't know if that helps, but I hope it does.
2007-03-20 22:37:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-17 04:45:46 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know...I am in the same position as you. Same age and everything same situation. Only i don't care that he watches porn. and yes i ONCE did care and it once bothered me. Guys are just wired differently than girls its something that ALL guys do (watch porn) and it has pretty much nothing to do with how satisfied he is with you. Porn is for guys what celebrity gossip is for girls.
If you were to only masterbate to porn because you werent satisfied...thats a TOTALLY different reason from why hes doing it. Guys and girls brains just do not work the same...so his reasons are totally different.
Guys dont wanna be with the girls they are watching in porn...they dont respect the girls they are watching...they don't compare (unless they are super shallow) cuz its not about that...its just fulfilling a sexual need/drive that men have.
Perhaps you should try watching porn WITH your boyfriend. then it can become something you can enjoy together. There is porn out there that is for the most part tastefully done and that im sure you can both enjoy. then you might find that porn isnt such an issue
just accept his porn watching for what it is because for the most part it is nothing to worry about.
2007-03-23 05:29:12 · answer #3 · answered by bambiisgreat 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Men are more sexually "on the prowl" than women tend to be.. Porn is a, while not so desireable, release for that hunger.
Sweetie, if you are active with your guy, and ya'll dig eachother. be happy with that, the porn is just the snack between meals.
Porn is only a real problem when you get bluntly compared to it, or if it takes over time between you and your mate. I would say, open up your creativity in the bedroom, maybe things are a bit dry in there and he is looking for the arousal. Arouse him.. it could be that ya'lls sex has become a bit routine.. mix it up.. Don't YOU get bored with the rules sometimes?
always after 10, he always does this.. I always do that.. it ends 1 of the same 3 ways.. blah blah blah.. get him in the garage.. when he eats lunch, give him desert..
He wants to be with YOU.. thats why he's still there.. but he's craving a bit of excitement, and maybe even NOT craving some of the complications of setting up the moment or gotta do this and that afterwards...
2007-03-19 22:54:06 · answer #4 · answered by original5thguy 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It's nothing bad or wrong. The reason people that are exclusive look at porn is to satisfy the urge for variety. Now while it is all good and well to fantasize about doing this or that to a porn star, most of us probably wouldn't because of the obvious risk/problems. But it is still simply that - a desire.
If you are getting jealous, you should rethink your reasoning. He is happy and won't ACT on this impulse. No one wants to eat the same food everyday, and routine can get boring. But a little bit of spice makes things taste differently. I don't think he is "comparing" you, because he appreciates you. He is probably just a little more sexually adventurous. You aren't ALWAYS going to be there to satisfy his needs, and it's unfair to try to deny him from this common urge. To attempt it is only going to make YOU the victim, because he WILL continue regardless of what you say about it and it will make you seem controlling to him, and you will think worse of yourself or him.
This is probably something you should discuss with HIM more though.
With what you say though, it may be more of your problem... not measuring up? By who's standards? If he's with you then obviously you pass his test. I would say to pick up a self-help book on negative self image, because you should honestly LOVE yourself. It WILL help, I promise.
2007-03-19 22:41:16 · answer #5 · answered by Waddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok im not male but id like to give my view!
I am in a full time relationship, with kids, we live together, the whole lot, and i know my hubby uses porn, but then again so do i, wanna know why, well its because of this, sometimes, you know when your hungry and all you want is bread butter and baby tomato's,, its not that you dont like the fillet steak with all the trimmings, its because your hungry, you need something quick and easy to satisfy a need and you cannot wait an hour for food, well porn and sex is the same, i, nor my hubby, use porn as a replacement for loving sex with our partner, its just something to stop the urge right then!
i hope this makes sense
2007-03-19 22:44:58 · answer #6 · answered by alaniss2 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋
I think that a lot of women ask themselves the very same questions... I don't think men truly understand that porn makes a lot of women feel demeaned...it's demeaning, in most cases, to our entire gender. I know there are people out there who would disagree, but I really think that most would not. I think that guys look at porn because society has condoned it, for the most part. I think guys feel it's o.k. to indulge in these fantasies. I don't think they "get it" that it feels like a betrayal to their wives or girlfriends. Society's to blame. As long as there are women willing and feel it's "o.k." to exploit themselves, there will be men out there who feel perfectly justified indulging in it. I guess it's something that people have to make up their own minds about. If it bothers you, and he doesn't want to stop, maybe he's not the right guy for you. Truthfully, guys viewing porn is a widespread thing, and it will be hard to find a man who understands exactly how you feel...even if you tell them. I personally think it's selfish for a man not to listen to what his significant other has to say on the subject. If it's hurting you, he should care. If he doesn't, perhaps he isn't the right person to share your life with.
2007-03-19 22:51:56 · answer #7 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Porn and girlfriends satisfy different desires. Like pizza and steak. You don't give up pizza forever just because someone offers you a steak, do you? I hope not. Nor should the butcher be jealous if his most loyal customer occasionally pops down to Pizza Hut for their hot, spicy Meat Lovers' pizza. (Okay, the analogy kind of fell apart there. Sorry.)
In other words, get over it. It's not about you, it's not about feminism or the objectification of women or anything Relevant and Doctrinaire like that. It is about one of the most commercially successful and oldest attested art forms. It's porn.
2007-03-19 22:45:42 · answer #8 · answered by Chris A 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
My mom always said that every man had a sleeping "pig" within him. I'm therefore not too sure you are asking the right gender although I hope one or two will surprise me with a decent and honest answer for you. It's not a good thing. He could be addicted to sex and if that's the case, nothing is never enough and you will suffer tremendously after you are married. I wouldn't want to marry such a man. That sort of sex has zero to do with love. Many have turned out to doing it with their own children because of it. If it sounds sick to say, I assure you it is much more sick to see. The sex industry may be a "booming" one these days but so is "divorce", "incest", "rape" and "road rage"!!! If you wonder why I mention "road rage, it must be that these crazy drivers can't wait to get home to see their addictive porn!!!" Who knows??? You sound too nice for that. Stick to being his friend if you must but leave it at that. This stuff makes for a very selfish mate. I know!!!
2007-03-19 22:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by Teri 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I am not a guy but I know how you feel.My ex used to watch porn all the time.I would find magazines all over the house hidden.I actually got down to 100lbs because I thought I was not enough for him.I asked him why?I asked him am I not enough for him?I used to stress so bad about it.Turns out he was a big pervert.It didn't matter what I had or did he was cheating on me whenever he got a chance.With everyone!!He just couldn't keep his Dick in his pants!!I hate men!Good luck to you.I know that this probably didn't make you feel better but I just wanted you to know you are not the only one to ever feel like this.This does not necessarily mean that your boyfriend is cheating on you.Just sharing a little something.Good luck to you Hun!
2007-03-19 22:47:43 · answer #10 · answered by lady2 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋