advice on moving house and relationships?

Question

My boyfriend & I have been living together for 2 years. He has never been on my tenancy agreement & all the bills are in my name, cause its my house & my bills. I do ask him for £60 a week rent (when he is working - which to be honest, isnt consistant)
We're about to move house & my new landlord is his uncle. (who he is working for at the moment) He will not be signing this tenancy agreement either. I feel as if he thinks he's in control of all of this cause 'its family'. I would like to deal directly with the landlord. I dont want him to feel insignificant but this is my tenancy, my landlord, my money that pays the bills & therefore my responsibility. i dont want situations to occur in the future that involve him calling my landlord or my landlord calling him about anything thats tenant/landlord business & me being the 3rd wheel.

how do i resolve this without offending my boyfriend. I do want him to feel like it is his home but i prefer to be in control of my own business.

thank you to those that have answered already but its not that i dont trust him, its that i know he is unreliable. surely if he is a joint tenant he should be responsible for half the rent, half the bills and therefore half control. but what about next week when he's not working or the week after when he's spent his wages on crap before he's paid his half. im not picking up all the bills and not having control. that leaves him with responsibility that he can waiver when he'd rather spend bill money on going out or new trainers and stilll half the control.

Answer 1

the way ahead is fraught with difficulties, because of the family connection on his side and the fact that you are the one in the firing line for all the legal difficulties and, being honest, can his uncle be objective on this, as he won't wish to offend his nephew?
Money and friendships don't sit easily together, either one or the other, so I'm afraid you have to tell your boyfriend and his uncle that if the tenancy is in your name, then you are responsible for all tenancy details and that this is dealt with as a BUSINESS arrangement, which is what it is. However, if the landlord wishes to go sideways to your b/f or vice-versa, then clearly this is a non-business relationship and the rental should be dropped accordingly to reflect the informal family arrangement that this tenancy clearly comes under.
They can't have it both ways - if they want rental, then you are the primary person in this, if everyone wants to stay friends then the rental should be dropped to reflect this nice warm informal sharing arrangement.
You could try this approach, but I'd stay firm about ti all. Difficult, and you may find out that you b/f is offended, but all the time he's not putting money in the kitty then he doesn't really have a say in how you manage the roof over YOUR head, particularly as you are the only one paying for it.
Be strong - again, I admire your resolve in this. You're clearly a strong woman and a sensible level-headed one. Stick firm to your guns as you are the only one in this that is thinking with common-sense. Good luck.

Answer 2

reading between the lines, it sounds as though u have more than just accommodation problems, it sounds to me as though u are having relationship problems too.... to start with, i would be very wary of not having a legal tenancy agreement (or not being in control of something that my name was signed to) in theory, if your other half had an argument with his uncle, u could find yourself kicked out of your new place without any warning. also, if there are any faults that need repairing, u might come at the bottom of the list as his uncle might think that u will put up with the problem for longer as u are family... u need to have a serious talk to your boyfriend, and point out to him that if anything negative were to happen, it would be your name that's signed on the dotted line, and it would be u that faced the consequences, therefore for your own peace of mind, u need to see what is going on, and have the same involvement in this as u would with any other tenancy agreement. let your boyfriend know that u are grateful to his uncle for him giving your boyfriend a job, and offering u a place to live, but u need to be involved with the legal side of the tennancy agreement for your own peace of mind. if your boyfriend takes offence, then i personally wouldn't take the risk. if he's got any common sense, he sould be able to see your point of view, despite it envolving a family member. hope it all goes well.

Answer 3

Get a proper lease from him and make sure he knows you are treating it as a contract between landlord/tenant. I wonder about you going into a new address with a b/f you don't sound too sure about. I know you say your doubts are about the move; but look at what you are really saying; that you don't trust him not to take advantage of his uncle being the landlord. Why is he not taking his share of the bill paying? I know you said he's not working, but there are ways of dealing with this.
I know where I'm coming from here. 4 years ago, I went from a situation where it was MY house, My bill, My name on everything, and my partner gave me money towards paying things. Against my better judgement, for pressing family reasons(eleven people in a 3 bed house!), I agreed to buy a house jointly with him. It changed the whole dynamics of our relationship; in fact, it nearly split us up. Overnight, he turned into a control freak, shouting at me, at my kids, for not hanging our coats up as soon as we walked in...and it went downhill from there. In fact, I left him after three weeks in the new house. It has taken the past 3 years for both of us to come to terms with this new life, and we needed a lot of counselling to do so.
You will have to bite the bullet on this, and hammer it out with your boyfriend; which is what we DIDN'T do. If he gets offended, then tough. He should be able to discuss this with you in a rational way ; if he isn't do you really want this type of relationship?

Answer 4

You are right to feel like this and to look after your own interests, after all it would be your credit rating that is effected. You are going to have to be strong here and stand your ground! You need to get things done properly! for your own peace of mind. If you want the agreement soley in your name and all bills in your name that get that organised, and ok he may feel a little put out but he is missing the bigger picture, also if he really loves you and knows what you are saying makes sence, and will give you peace of mind, then he will respect this. I must say though, I can only judge on what you have put above that You seem a sensible girl, is there really a future with this guy? Seems you seem to be the responsible one and he is still in child mode! Well good luck and stand your ground, it is your future!

Answer 5

Apply to any school that your considering. Add them to your FAFSA on Jan 1st. You will see how much they are offering you after you get accepted and the financial aid process goes through. For the university I'm at, FAFSA is paying for all my classes. So they might do so with you if you move out and not include your parents. If you mention your dad having that kind of income, forget it. Look for a job after school or anytime you can work to have some money with you, for books or w.e. When you see the amount of money each school is offering, check if they are offering you any loans. If so, learn about what kinds they have, when you have to start paying back, etc. After that, if you are willing to accept a loan, do it and that will help you have money for a place or to live on campus. But you need to fix your relationship with your family. I'm not in your shoes, so I don't know exactly how it is. My number one advice is to be as mature as possible. Don't cry about anything but be a mature, young adult. Sit your family down and talk things out with them. They are your family at the end of the day, and your going to need them throughout your life. I wish you the best. Pray to God about anything you wish (that's good of course) and He will answer if He wills.

Answer 6

I understand your need to be in control, but I wonder if you should be living with this boyfriend?
I have been in this situation, but on the receiving end. My husband wanted to keep control and kept me off the mortgage, which I thought wouldn't matter as we were married. When he kicked me out with our 6 month old daughter, I was homeless and penniless.
I don't condemn your need for control at all, I think it is to be congratulated, but I would rent a house alone in your situation, and then you can invite him to stay and then leave when it suits you. He's obviously not the love of your life, or you would trust him entirely. It sounds like you enjoy his company, so why not enjoy it on your terms, when it suits you?
Don't fall into the trap of believing you need a man!

Answer 7

Point out the legal side of things to him and that this in place to protect both you and his uncle. If he's not on the tenancy agreement I don't think that legally he should be living there!

Answer 8

tell him how you feel honesty is always best you never know he might surprise you!

other than that you could speak to his uncle and tell him you dont want his relationship with his nephew to have any effect on this tenancy you still have rights and always make sure you are being treated like a normal tenant fairly and with respect, visit shelter for your tenant rights

Answer 9

You said it - it's business, and you can't afford to land yourself in a situation that might bite you later on. Get a lease and get sorted, or don't move. What happens if your relationship folds? You'll be in big trouble unless you have things sorted now.
Good luck!

Answer 10

skewl his *** at basketball and then be like "fool you my ***** now"

and then he will have to do what u say