My parents and I have been fighting alot recently?

Question

My main issue is my father and I, right now I am 21 the oldest and yes I still live at home when I go out and party with my friends I dont feel that I should tell my parents for fear that I might be in trouble for drinking, I am trying to figure out a way that I can communicate with my parents to express the feelings that I am having because it will soon build up in to an explosion but I know if I try to sit and talk to them with my father I am afriad that he will get mad at me and cuss me out (even as I 'm writing this I am having a mini-panic attack) with my mother she doesnt take me seriously and always laughs at me when I try to express my self so I dont ever really get to express my feelings when I do it comes out after being held in for so long and results in a massive fight because I hear my parents talking about me behind my back I would really appreciate any adive that is given

I do have a job and I am in school when I do head out with my friends its not often and I am not a heavy drinker I have a beer, with my younger brother I understand that I have to be a role model for him and for the most part I feel that I am, if he has any issues he comes to me to talk we are very close, I pay for my cell phone the internet in our house and our cable and I buy food for our house on a alternating schedule I clean I try to make it as easy as I can for my parents to live with me

I do have a job and I am in school when I do head out with my friends its not often and I am not a heavy drinker I have a beer, with my younger brother I understand that I have to be a role model for him and for the most part I feel that I am, if he has any issues he comes to me to talk we are very close, I pay for my cell phone the internet in our house and our cable and I buy food for our house on a alternating schedule I clean I try to make it as easy as I can for my parents to live with me this issue is not my partying all the time, my issue is communication with my parents in other areas of my life because I feel like I should be able to talk with them

Answer 1

parent/children relationships are never easy, especially when you are a young adult and still living at home. it is probably difficult for your parents to see you as an adult.
you do need to discuss the problem with them. i often find it easier to talk to someone after i have plotted my strategy. i write down what i want to say and i stick with the script. quite often you want to say one thing, and something else is said which leads you off in another direction and you never get back to your original thought. so write it down.
pick a quiet time of day/evening when you can all sit down and calmly discuss your issues. if you have to, take the phone off the hook so you won't be disturbed.
at 21 you are certainly old enough to go out for a drink with friends, but perhaps by not telling your parents and them finding out anyway they feel you are trying to hide something.
its always best to be totally honest and upfront. if you are out partying all the time i could understand your parents being concerned but if it is only occasionally and you aren't coming home completely p1ssed then maybe they have to understand girls just wanna have fun sometimes!
no one can answer this question for you, we don't live in your home so we have no idea what is really going on but as a parent i can tell you that when my daughter was living at home it was tense sometimes. there is not wrong or right...its just a fact of life, you girls are trying to spread your wings and we mums are trying to keep you close to us. we eventually sorted it out, i learned i had to relax my hold on her and she learned that being 21 doesn't automatically mean you can do what you want and show no consideration for others.
good luck, stay cool, and if things don't work you may have to consider moving to your own place. after all it is their home, they've worked hard all their lives for it, and their home = their rules. doesn't matter if you are paying your way, its still their home.

Answer 2

Your dad has your best interest at heart---only he doesn't express himself very well. Drinking and driving and drunk partying with so-called friends, is an invitation to an early disaster.... think about it. He is still your dad and you are in a conflict with him, despite your age. He still sees you as a kid. Your communication skills are rather poor at this time--you should try to find a different group of friends and safer activities---how about a job?? This is not a one sided issue here. And your younger siblings are getting to see you as a role model. The conversations would be nicer if you had INTERESTING things to talk about. Any volunteer groups to join?? I mean he and mom only think you should be more of a useful citizen at this point in your life. Partying??? That really gets old quick----you better find something new and better to do. I found out that the party friends were no friends at all after I lost my driving priviliges for a 6 month period--they forgot all about me. You must be doing something that irritates your dad--time to get a grip and grow up. Be nice, smile, and good luck to you.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, as long as you are under their roof you will have to abide by their rules. That's something that hasn't changed in decades! Maybe you should consider finding a roommate and moving out? That way you can have some flexibility with your social life. I think if you still try to sit down and talk to them both that they will have to accept you more as an adult, and not just their "child". They may laugh at first, but tell them what is on your mind. Their only defense will be the line, "as long as you live under our roof......" Only option is to move out if you can't seek a mutual settlement. Also try not to take things so seriously. The only reason they get upset is because they love you. That's not a bad thing.

Answer 4

You should move out. This way they dont have a say over you and you are of legal age to drink anyway. They might be fearing that youre a bad example to your siblings. I think moving into your own place or with friends will relieve the pressure on you. You could be at fault though but if you want to keep the relationship respect level with them and live like you are then moving out and not living in their house with their rules is the best solution.

Answer 5

OMG..........why can't parents wake up?! I am "sorry" honey that you are forced to come here for advice when it should be an "open" and "safe" discussion with your parents. I have raised 3 beautiful, healthy, stable adults. (18, 20, and 22). I think that discussion is sooooooooooo important. I know as a parent that I would, and have, welcomed that safe feeling to share with me. Now, how to solve your issue? Hmmm, perhaps to write it down, instead of here, but in a letter addressed to both your parents. Something is bothering you and I am reading between the lines that it's boiling down to issue of drinking. That bothers me alot. What compels you to "party" with your friends. Perhaps, the answer is, that you have the wrong friends. I am not saying that you shouldn't be able to have a few drinks in moderation, but not so much that you "party" all the time. I think that there are so many other healthy activities to enjoy to make you feel good. I seriously hope you explore something soon. And make your parents help you. Be honest, open, and forthright with them, and they'll have NO choice but to read and absorb. But, if you are just gonna skim the surface (for fear of their reaction), instead of going for what's really going on inside you, then don't bother. If you trust that you need help in communicating with your parents, then get it out. They need to hear whatever it is that you are feeling. Good Luck.

Answer 6

1 you live under his house with him footing the bills - you abide by his rules - honor you parents !
2 get a job and move your sponging butt out and GROW UP
3. You worry about drinking because they taught you better but you want to rebel cause its cool. well if you think because you are 21 and by law an adult then start acting like one, become resposible and accountable and follow #2 above.
you have yet to make it or even fail trying to make it on your own , why should they care about your feelings or consider you grown? your actions tell them thay have failed as parents because YOU dont care for their feelings and by golly your gonna do as you darn well please cause you know some stuff.
I can show you alot of know-it-alls your age, all in graveyards
across this country - you thinkyour parents got their age for not knowing anything and you think they didnt learn anything in their years of living? dumbazz GROW UP and stop sponging off your parents and at least try to make it on your own. until then OBEY your parents and S H U T UP your whining

Answer 7

Okay, well are you being a responsible person? you know
No drinking & driving, Ever? Not spending money when you can't afford to?
If you are being adult about Life, then, I think it should be okay for you to be out. Do you have a Job?
As for fighting with them, maybe try writing on paper how you feel and read it yourself, before you talk to your parents.
Best Wishes....

Answer 8

as long as your alive, they will always worry about you, if things are really that bad, maybe your own place would-be in order,and let your parents know, that you realize they worry, but you need them to listen and talk to you, and because they dint is the reason you are leaving, remember no matter if your 21 or 30 if your in there house they rule,if you dint like it move along

Answer 9

If you are responsible in your actions while respecting thier guidelines! You are, in fact, living in thier house. If you don't want to deal, move out. You are 21, they still care about you. You are under thier roof! They will pose limitations. If you don't like it, then move out.

Answer 10

Its time for you to move out''