Why does my daughter-in-law hate me?

Question

I try to behave according to her terms, am not depended on her in anyway, still , she sees red in everything I do and say? Is this mind block.? 'cos most of my friends have a similar complaint. Disillusioned. Two dogs fighting over one bone?

Answer 1

Maybe it's not that she hates you. She was probably brought up around people who acted differently you, not saying that the way she grew up is in anyway better than how your son did. It could be that she is finding this hard to accept, and is lashing out due her uneasiness with the situation. My best advice is to give her time, and maybe try to organize a talk with her, either one on one or with her and your son.

Answer 2

I am a daughter-in-law. I like and love my mother-in-law, but sometimes I get irritated when she biases between her daughter and me. Of course she cannot feel me as her own daughter, but atleast to some extent she can I guess!! And I don't like her doing partiality between her grandchildren (My daughter and her daughter kid). Otherwise She is just fine. May be because of possessiveness!!?

Answer 3

I can not say I hate my MIL and I known her for 4 years and not once she had told me she likes me or hates me but she respects me and I do the same.I would love to know my own MIL as my own mother is not living anymore. Your DIL sounds like she has some issues.Why don't you have a conversation about this and tell her that you would love to see your grandbaby more?.If I had a child,I would appreciate my own MIL to come over and take the baby out for the day so I can get chores and errans done.

Answer 4

I really hate the stigma of mother in laws and daughter in laws being at odds. I absolutely LOVE my Mother in law. My mom died so it was wonderful when she told me that I could call her "Mom". We got along very well until my husband had to have heart surgery to replace his aortic valve. She came to stay with me for three weeks while my husband/her son was hospitalized.
THEN we started butting heads. She and I just have completely different ways of doing things. Almost everything was wrong. Such a long story and who wants to relive that anyway?
What ended it was that I broke down and cried. I asked her to forgive me for having bad thoughts about her. I told her that I love her son so much and I love her too and I just didn't want us to be at odds anymore. The conflict was eating me up.
I think it is a good idea for the two of you to sit down and try to talk about what is bothering you both about the other. It's better to get it in the open so that you two can have a good relationship for the sake of someone you both care about and love.
I hope my rambling has helped some. God bless you and your family.

Answer 5

I don't understand what you have done to deserve her hate, but you have surely done one injustice on yourself. In trying to behave according to her terms, you have compromised with your dignity. Her behaviour towards you is just a manifestation of her selfishness. And most of the youngsters today are just too self centred. That's probably the reason why your friends share a similar experience. There is no other plausible explanation for their behaviour. So, just be yourself and show your daughter-in-law her place.

Answer 6

Don't over think your relationship with her anymore. She married your son, you both love him and she is part of the family, same as you. Take her out to lunch and just enjoy her company. Don't judge her or anything she says and expect nothing less from her. You'll do fine and sooner or later you both won't remember when you thought she didn't like you. Good Luck!

Answer 7

1. You are the man's mother and allowing this grown woman to dictate your life also is not a good idea. His father should be having an open talk with his son(no more eggshells) or you'll have to walk away because these young ladies use every contact as a script that is rewritten to make a man's parents as the problem instead of attending to the role of a real wife. They haven't a clue what their roles are. Your son is the other element and lacking headship...obviously he's lured to past where he wants to remain a child and his wife the mommy and daddy. Also consider that a man who has respect for family, including the importance of extended family, does not allow this he knows his role as a husband and respects his needs as a human being including his relationships with others. A woman that loves her husband doesn't form a conspiracy against her husband's family...manipulation won't gain her any respect. People don't grow while simultaneously creating hatred so I'd ignore enabling excuses of oh, their just.....leave and cleave doesn't equal hatred for heaven sakes it's a marriage not a war to see how many lives can be controlled. Marriage also doesn't equal isolation of relationships and the false claims and accusations are repulsive towards parents and childish.

2. This behavior appears to be the going trend.

3. These young ladies are entering into families and destroying them using manipulation trust me I've seen it and it's bizzarre. "I try to behave according to her terms"...wrong stop that the plan is to make sure you no longer exist care to fulfill the plan? Would it ever be true that you had no family, were never a parent...no son? What is his father doing about modeling to him or is he on the hit list as well? Your son getting married doesn't mean you die. Also consider society teaching these generations not to respect parents. It appears the parents of young men are getting beat into submission and these young men won't know what hit them til it's too late. They are getting "taken care of" all right pretty close to having the life sucked out of them and anyone related to them makes for a happy man don't ya think? Young men are willfully becoming increasingly convinced their parents hate them I would say it's quite the test of strength. Nothing like a good dose of feminist behavior...after all it keeps the "family courts" and all connected to the courts quite wealthy.

Answer 8

I am a daughter in-law.
I love my husband and want to take care of him. My mother-in-law knows no different. Two dogs fighting over one bone.
I don't mean to REPLACE her, but she needs to know I am his wife and I can take care of him. She is always there and never excluded, we BOTH love him and want the best for him.
Find a happy medium, it's there.

Answer 9

I am a daughter and also a daughter-in-law from my feelings my mother-in-law is more lovable than my mother. i am also like her verymuch even more than my own mother because she gave me knowledge about my husbands past, and his character and his angry in my honey moon time itself . so i could take all precautions to love my husband without any worry. i give respect and take respect from my husband, mother, mother-in-law, father-in-law and all arounds me. if you act like my mother in law you will definitely respected, you ask directly to your daughter in law about her problems and solve it. sometimes your son will be her problem then also she hate you, other wise you consult her with the help of your son and her parents to a counseller who could help you a lot. he knows really what are your problems by deeply without knowing the root cause of the angry of your daughter i cannot answer properly. treat your daughter in law as your daughter first.

Answer 10

Its always like that with mother in law and daughter in law you are fighting for the same man