How to talk to my teenager boy?

Question

My house keeper told me she saw my 14 years boy opening his father's wallet. I dont fully trust her, but if its true, how should i talk to my boy. What should i say, should i punish him?
Also, how to talk to him about pupirty and sexual issues, what to tell and what not to? Please help, as i noticed that my relationship with him is more a parent - son one, not used to talk openly about everythign with him and dont want to just ignore matters.

Answer 1

Make sure to tell him you want to be there for him and never judge him. You will help him. The worst mistake parents make is they judge their kids too much. Tell him you want him to never feel held back when talking to you because you will tell the truth. Tell him you don't want to be like a parent-son relationship.

Answer 2

If you have some doubt about your housekeepers honesty then you need to wait to see if your husband is missing money. If so find out if this has happened before. Take a look at your son't latest activities to see if he is overspending his allowance. Discuss with your husband what he wants to do and agree on how this should be handled. Do not try to handle it yourself and do not leave it to your husband to handle alone. Consider that if your housekeeper is lying then you could really hurt your son so you will need to deal with this with care. It is not necessary to tell your son about the housekeeper giving you that information. Tell your son that some money is missing and you wonder if he has any idea who may have taken it, be sincere and give him a chance to confess if in fact he did take it. If he denies it then there isn't much you can do since you do not trust your housekeeper. It would be different if you truster her, then you would have to tell that he had been seen taking the money. If he says he did take some money find out why. Let your son know that you love him and are there for him if he needs help with anything. Acknowledge that you understand his need however stealing is not acceptable and that there will be a suitable consequence for his actions. Pay back the money and perhaps wash, wax and clean dad's car every Saturday for a month or something that benefits dad and requires some work. If your son has some major problems that made stealing seem like the only option then you may need to postpone any consequences until his problem has been resolved. As far as discussing sexual issues and reaching puberty, although he probably has a good idea about those things already, it would be a good idea to have an open discussion with him to see if he has questions or perhaps some incorrect information. If your son would be more comfortable talking to his father then suggest to your husband that it is time for the man to man chat. When you talk to your son, be calm and matter of fact. Answer his questions truthfully and if you don't know the answer tell him that you will get back to him and get the information for him. Discuss the responsibilities of being sexually active such as birth control and sexually transmitted diseases. Tell him sex is not dirty, it is a normal part of growing up. Those hormones rule and are hard to fight so he needs to be prepared to protect himself and his partner. This may not be easy for you to do but it is important that you are open with him so that he comes to you if he has concerns.
Your son is growing up and our children do that very quickly so it is difficult to adjust from the parent/child roll to parent/young adult child roll. You will find that treating your son as a young adult and talking to him on a more adult level will be very rewarding, he will realize that you are a human being too! Good luck!

Answer 3

Is the father around? If so, I would ask him to verify whether or not he is missing anything from his wallet, if he says yes, then I would have him confront his son about it. And yes he should be punished for stealing from his own father if he did actually do it. If he didn't do it, I would ask if he actually did open the wallet, and if so I would tell him the importance of a persons personal property and that it is important for him to respect anybodies personal belongings, especially his fathers!

About the puberty and sexual issues...to begin, I would first tell him that you know that things might feel embarrassing or uncomfortable but because you love him, you think it is very important to discuss how he feels about these things. Make sure that he holds high morals and values and let him know that masturbation is a normal and healthy release that he will undoubtedly feel the need to do. Emphasize with great importance the types of sexually transmitted diseases that are passed even when a woman may not show any symptoms, she can give him aids or a number of other non-curable diseases. Tell him waiting for marriage is the best choice, but if he decides not to, like many have, at least make sure he knows what could happen if he is not safe and careful. Talk to him about rape and how a woman could be dishonest and get him into trouble if he is having sex with her. There are so many things to talk about that keep coming to my mind, but the main thing is to not make him feel that sex is a bad thing, because it isn't, but it should be with someone he loves and not because he just wants to release sexual tension. Also, during puberty the teen boy usually has a lot of hormonal changes going on inside their growing bodies and if they aren't able to release it somehow, like playing football or going jogging or what ever it may be, then that extra testoterone is going to come out of him in other ways that may not be positive. Teen boys also are very irritable during this period in life because they are going through so many changes that they aren't real sure what they should do. Their bodies are saying adult and their minds are still saying child. It is harder than it seems and an understanding and open parent with caring words makes a world of difference! The best of luck to you!

Answer 4

If this housekeeper and your son are not in each other's good books I would not believe her, I would however ask him about it. Does he have any reason to want money? Does he have a part-time job or get pocket money?

Assuming from your question, I belive you are the mother. If he's 14 and goes to a public school, he will already have had sex ed and won't want you to bring it up.

Boys and girls at that age get very secretive because they dont want to talk about it. If he ever asks you about anyhting, answer honestly, but I woudl expect seeing as he is a male he would ask his father. (It's just easier to ask someone of the same gender).

He is now a teenager and your relationship will cahnge, but the important thign is just to be there for him, not judge him when he makes mistakes.

I hope everythign works out fine.

Answer 5

Maybe his father could talk to him about all the sex issues that he needs to know. It might freek him out having his mom come up to him a want to talk to him about all that.

See if his father is missing money from his wallet. If he is then ask your son about it.

You have a housekeep you do not fully trust.? Maybe you should get a new house keeper.

Answer 6

I have a 13 yr old son. And he has stolen money from me once. He wanted a video game. I wasn't sure it was him so I paid attention to if he had money or not. He did. So I confronted him. H e had to return the game and lost all gaming privledges. He also had to work off the cost of the game (he hates housework). He had extra chores for a week. He has not stolen anything since than.

As far as sexual issues and puberty just be honest with him. Kids handle this talk better than the parents do. I am a single mother and he has a fairweather father. I do not always believe it has to be the man that talks about these things with boys. My mother handled all those talks with us. I have explained puberty both male and female puberty to my son. I did this when I started to see the girls in his class growing. I did not want him to be one of those boys that teased girls over changes. He did much better than I did and when he had sex ed in school he already new alot.
Your son is older and has already had sex ed but its not to late to open communication. My son talks to me about the kids that use drugs, sex and girls, fights whos mad at who.

He needs to feel no matter what happens he can talk to you without you hating him for mistakes he may make. You need that parent-child relationship there as he will need you as his rock. He needs your guidance and your boundaries even if he doesn't act like it.
I find when my son is bothered by something and doesn't talk to me right away, thats when I have to provide the opportunity for him to by taking him for a drive just him and I . Usually he will open up when he's alone with me .

As the mother he also needs to learn from you how to act with girls. You can provide insight for him into the female mind that his father may not be able to. His dad can show him by how his dad treats you. Never allow him to disrespect you or his father. He can't have much respect for himself if he doesn't respect where he came from. Than he won't be able to make positive choices when it comes to sex, girls, drugs and so many other thngs that go on in his life. Good luck Parenting is soooo hard. Once in awhile for no reason at all tell him your proud of him and happy he's your son. He will remember it forever. Its also okay to share some of your teen stories with him, than he knows you went through it too.

Answer 7

Why would you not trust your housekeeper? Do you not realize how hard this was to tell you this for fear of being fired? You need to look at the situation for what it is. Your son is doing something he shouldn't be that involves needing money. If you are not trusting the housekeeper, and insist on taking your son's side, install a nanny cam that will tell you what is going on so you will be able to decide for yourself what you as his father needs to know. Then if you do see for yourself that he is stealing money from you take action as a father must. Show him the evidence that he has been seen taking your money without permission. Make him tell you when he feels the need to steal from you. Explain to him that it is not necessary to do this, as he can always come to you. Children need a parent to guide them and give them firm guidance, boundaries, and love.

As far as the purity and sexual issues go, if you do not feel comfortable with talking to him about this, take him to your local planned parenthood facility and have a healthcare professional to talk to him in private. They have all types of literature to give him, and the needed information for making the decision to using birthcontrol. It is up to you as a father to make him understand that his choices will greatly affect him if he gets a girl pregnant, as his life will become that of a father with the responsibilites that come with it for the rest of his life. The chances of him finishing college will be very hard for him to complete. That you as his father expect him to behave and have sex with the special one in his life he intends to marry. That it is so very important for him to have self respect for himself, as his choices will greatly affect his life.

Answer 8

Just ask him about it.It is easy to believe he did it because he's 14.He could help an old lady across the street and know one would believe him because he's 14.

Surveillance is cheap my camera came with a monitor and was only $50 it is wireless and has nightvision.Picture is worth a thousand words.

Answer 9

I think you should pull your son to the side and talk to him in private and ask him if he went in his father's wallet.And if he tells you that he did you should punish him.And take away his priviliges.And tell him next time to ask for something that he wants instead of taking it without premission.And be sure to tell his father also.And have his father to have a talk with him also.

Answer 10

Your son knows more then what you are going to talk to him about . It's a little to late for that talk he is in JR HIGH now what do you think him and his friends talk about when they are together.If you still want to talk to him about sex talk to him not at him and what that means is talk to him as a equal not as a little boy.If he ask a question answer it don;t say go ask your father because if you do that he won't ever want to talk to you again.It is taking everything he has to even talk to you about this stuff.