i think he will hate me if i tell him....do you think i should go on and tell him or keep it to myself.help!?

Question

I have been with my fiance for 6years.4 years of sexless dating(mutual decision) and 2 years engaged and living together.
he works really hard to support us both since i have decided to go back to uni for a degree.he gets me absolutely everything i want.He has to travel a lot and cos he did not want me to be alone in the house he made his cousin come to live with me.he really trusts me.i was a virgin when we met.
But cos he was not there most of the time(i know this is not a good excuse but it is all i have got) i got intimate with his cousin a couple of times.
the problem is that i am pregnant and i dont know who the father is.i suspect it belonds to the cousin,but my fiance has found out and he is so excited.do you think i should tell him the truth?i love him and do not want to break his heart.Pls dont be rude with your answers everyone makes mistakes.

Answer 1

You HAVE to say something. Especially considering there is a future child involved who shouldn't have to ever deal with the trauma of finding out his father for the last 10 years isn't really his biological father.

You made a mistake, and it sounds like you know this. I'm not going to scold you, but you need to fess up. He may break off the relationship with you, but the damage has already been done. Could you live your whole life (marriage is supposed to be eternal) keeping this to yourself? Torturing yourself with this secret for the rest of your life would be heart-wrenching. Say something not only for him, but to free your heart and soul.

People make mistakes. Forgiveness will happen, but there will always be consequences for your actions. Quickly pay the consequences, ask for forgiveness and move on.

Answer 2

Hmm. I'm sorry to say it, but there is no easy solution here. If you don't tell both parties, it will eat at you. Its not fair to the baby either. $hit does happen. But you need to be honest with the fiance. Get it all out in the open and decide what to do now, before the baby comes. You should evaluate your feelings toward the fiance and the cousin. But either way, its all up to the fiance whether he will accept it and move on with or without you. DNA test to be certain. And I'd go to counseling also, especially if he decides to stay with you. I'd tell the cousin to get packing before fiance comes home, for sure unless you want a fight in the living room.

Answer 3

Ok you did make a mistake but no matter what you do, the world will keep on spinning.

You know the first step, find out who the father is, you ABSOLUTLY need to contact the cousin and tell him what has happened, if he can get DNA tested then you will be able to tell who is the father.

You also know the second step. Your fiance needs to know the truth, don't dely, don't lie and don't expect him to be fine with all of this. He might even need some space just for a few days, but DO NOT be pushy, if you really want his forgiveness you will need to understand that this may take a while to get over.

The longer you wait, the worse it will get, but plan your approach to this delicate subject. You may love your fiance and not want to break his heart but by lying to him or not tellign the truth, you practically already have. he may never find out, but you will have to always live with that guilt of what you did.

I really do hope that everything works out alright.

Answer 4

First,. You are not to punish yourself for making love with someone you care about..Your husband should not hate anything for any reason. Hate has no benifits for anyone.You need intamacy for your own well being, he could not provide that enough. He knows this, thats why the cousin arrived Do not shcck him with the truth.Let the truth sink in gently out of love. No one is to blame here.Do not lie about this issue, you can simply say Im not ready to discuus that or say give me some time. The three of you could bond not break over the father issue. Love is the only thing that matterss here, not gentics.not egos, not blame. Tthe truth will set y ou free.use it to heal not hurt. You will do fine if you take your time.OK?

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Answer 5

Boy, this is a tough one. The question is, do you keep silent and face the possibility of the secret being revealed years down the line, possibly causing even more pain and anguish over both the child and your husband feeling that everything they thought they knew was a lie? Or do you risk losing your relationship because you cheated?

I'd say it's better to get it out in the open now. That way, you can decide whether or not the two of you can recover from your terrible choice, or, God forbid, whether or not you can raise a child on your own.

Answer 6

girl you are in one hell of a situation. it is a loose loose situation regardless if you tell him or not. i feel that you should be completely honest with him. it will be much better if he finds out now then it would if he found out later. what if something was to happen and the child needed a blood transfusion or something else. they will test the blood to make sure its compatible and they would find out its not his. the baby could possible come out looking like the cousin. i know that these are a long shot but you should always be prepared for the worse. i know that people make mistakes regardless of how bad they might be you need to take responsibility for your actions. i would be better if you told him cause even if he leaves you, the fact of the matter is you was real and honest. hope everything works out for you. its a long road from here.

Answer 7

you are 100% right everyone makes mistakes. we don't know why but we do...i've been with my boyfriend for almsot two years and I cheated on him right after we started dating. i thought for sure he would leave me...but he stayed and we worked it out. now there was no baby involved and it wasn't family, sweetheart you did something that felt good at the time but is going to cost you, if not your relationship, his trust. flip the scene for a bit and put yourself in his shoes, your cousin and him and she is pregnant. would you stay would you love him, would you trust him. you made a grave mistake but you have to tell him. 6 years of trust and you broke that but you have to tell him...cause if he finds out from the cousin then forget it you're done for. understand that either way it is going to be hard, and that you can and probably will lose him. just be ready. Good Luck

Answer 8

Well you know you did wrong and your strong for knowing and admiting it. But what I dont think your strong enuff for is telling him and what you might go thru when all hell breaks loose. If I were you I wouldnt tell him anything, in a sense it dosnt sound fair, but your pregnant and you dont need any more stress then what you have right now. Keep this to yourself and tell his cousin that it is your boyfriends baby. I would be hoping the cousin is smart enuff to keep quiet and not stir things up.. but also you must put it in your mind that you cant ever do this to him again, knowing what happened this time.
When I got preg with my 3rd son, I had a affair on my husband. I wasnt sure who the father was either, and I kept it a secret until my son was almost a year old. I told my husband that he wasnt his dad ( how he didnt know by looking at him and my 2nd son looks just like his dad, and my 3rd son looks nothing like his dad or brother, i will never know), this caused us to seperate after 3 years of marriage and finally divorced after 8 years of being seperated. I will say this for my exhusband tho as much as i dont like him, he took that boy as his own, he has his last name, and he calls him his son, and my son calls him dad, hes a good dad except for the childsupport part on my 2nd son.. he hasnt paid in over 2 years. Most ppl will prob tell you to tell him but like i said if i were you, id just let thing be the way they are. If hes as happy as you say he is dont blow his happiness for one mistake you made.. keep it to yourself.. good luck with things and keep us posted on how your doing..

Answer 9

This is a serious case, so as hard as it may be, you have to tell him the truth. It's better to tell him now than 10 years from now when they both think he is the father. Much more complicated. Think about it. How do you expect to go on without telling him? :\ Do the right thing. If you love each other, you'll find a way to get through it.

Answer 10

If i spoke my mind, i would say tell him.

But if your scared and ont want to, could you just have like a paternity test to see if the cousin is the father and if he's not, it's you fiance.

But he could still find out, it would be better if he heard it from you, then atleast he will know that you are an honest person