I can't help but I feel guilt. Is this normal feeling for a mother?

Question

My son ran away to Europe when he was 15. He's 17 now and recently came to visit with his girlfriend for xmas. I was seriously consider try to make him stay but my husband would never forgive me if I did. So I let him go.

I got back from visiting him in Croatia a week ago. He's doing very well, he have a very nice house, he and his girlfriend are very happy with eachother. He's working as a high fashion photographer assistant. I've seen some of his works and they were really good and couple of pictures of the photographer he work for is in some of Croatia biggest magazines.

I can't help but I feel really guilty about not keep him here and make him stay home when he was here for xmas. I feel like I should have made him stay and finish high school and go to college. I feel like he should have a normal teen age life and do things like dating, go to prom, finish school, get accept in college and other things. Am I wrong? Is this feeling normal?

Answer 1

Wow. That is tough. I don't think how you feel is wrong. In fact, what you feel is never wrong to feel it, only wrong to act on it at times. Your son sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. He has an excellent job, and this job sounds more like an excellent education opurtunity for him. He has a roof over his head and a girlfriend for support. It sounds like you raised a very mature, level headed boy. He just outgrew your home, not that you did anything wrong, but is seems as if he has a free spirit, that he dreams big and he was anxious to get out there and live life to the fullest. If he had come home for xmas, had a drug problem, no real home, or job, then you should of made him stay, but it sounds like he has created a beautifull life and is living his dreams, and isn't that what we want for our kids? I do. I just admire you for whatever you gave this young man to make him so brave, independent, resourcefull and intelligent. He sounds wonderfull. Hold your head up high, this is your son. I bet soon he will be a famous photographer and if not, I bet he will be something great. You've done well. Your feelings of wanting to keep him home are normal, but letting him go was the greatest gift of all. The old saying if you love something let it go, if it comes back it was yours to keep, if it doesn't then it wasnt. Keep in touch with him. Encourage him and let him know if he ever wants, and I stress wants to come home, that the door is always open. In the meantime enjoy his success. I know of very few people who could of done and suceeded what your son has done. Good luck and God bless you.

Answer 2

You might feel guilty but your a mom and that's normal. 15 is a young age to move away but if he did and he's 17 now it's too late to change his life now. He seems happy and succecful in life so all that other teen age stuff doesn't really mean much. At least he's happy, so relax and you be happy for him. Keep in thouch with him, and try to grow closer to him through e-mails/mailing letters and pictures. Talk on the phone a couple times a week or even just once a week. Let him be, after all, things happen for a reason.

Answer 3

I don't think the guilt is coming from not keeping him at home when he came for Christmas, I think the guilt is about why he ran away in the first place. Some things just can't be changed. He has been gone to long now. He has made a life of his own. It sounds like he is doing good and has someone in his life that cares about him and loves him. Isn't that all we ever want for our children? If he wants a higher education, he will get it for himself. At least you have good visits with him and he doesn't seem to blame you for any thing. He had a short childhood but it's not the worst thing that could happen.

Answer 4

Your son even though he is young is doing rather well for himself by the sounds of it. Don't try and force him home you will only make him run away again and the he may never come and see you for along time. He has a house a girlfriend and a good job, let him be.
You are very lucky to have a son who seems to have a good head on his shoulders. Alot of mothers would be very proud, I know I would be.
You just need to build a good mother and son relationship and concentrate on that.
Good luck

Answer 5

Yes this is normal. Email and ask him if there is something he would like to get off his chest. What do you mean your husband would never forgive you--as the mom you had every right to ask your son to stay. at least 'ask'. Just don't let your mind wander it would drive you nuts, relax, he is alive and well, you should be proud, look at the 30's year olds still at home!
He is independant, do not press him about answers, we moms are always 'guilty' about something or another, you know that. Only good moms have some regrets, uncaring moms don't think twice about things.

Answer 6

At that age you can't make him do anything anymore. Just be happy he has made a great life for himself and he is happy. If you start pushing him he may not visit anymore and it's good that he has made that move and come to see you.
As a mother you feel guilt, you can't help it. Mothers love deeply. Just concentrate on keeping your relationship with him, that's the most important thing.

Answer 7

Hey Mom, guilt was created when god created man and woman. We've been living with it for eons. As to your particular issue, ask yourself whose life do you want to live, yours or his? Whose life does he want to live, yours or his? If he doesn't live your life, does that mean you'll be a failure as a mother? If he leads his own life, does that mean you'll have been a success? How long would you like to control his life? All of it, part of it, most of it? Sounds like he's made some choices that were designed to satisfy him...not you. But you also sound like you are impressed by his choices. You must have done something right.

Answer 8

LADY ALL I CAN SAY IS YOU'RE SON WILL HAVE THE BEST TIME OF HIS LIFE IN CROATIA IT'S A THE BEST PLACE HE CAN BE AND I'M PRETTY SURE HE WILL DO WELL SO DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY! :)