how do you breakup with someone who you know is unstable?

Question

i have been living with this man for 1yr 1/2. i love him very much. but lately hes been having these rage fits that scare me. hes never raised a finger to me; but he gets extremely violent in other ways. i think maybe hes bipolar or something. either way i think maybe its time i move on. but when hes gotten into these moods hes threatened to stab himself and had a knife in his hand. i also know in the past he had some phsycological problems. i guess he literally was cutting some of his skin off. when we first got together nothing like this ever happend. but lately it seems to be happening alot more. im afraid of what hell do one of these times. not to me but to himself. i couldnt watch him hurt himself. ive asked him to go get help but he says it didnt work before so it wont now. i love him so very much i really do; but im scared. i think i should leave him; but how do i do that when i think hell do something to himself. i would be forever blaming myself. i just dont know what to do

also keep in mind we live together. there is nowhere for either of us to go if we seperate. we couldnt stay together and neither of us has anywhere else. if i did leave him id have to move out of state with family; and thats only if theyll let me. i love him sooooo much though; and i dont really want to break up with him its just i dont know what else to do anymore. im afraid hes gonna hurt himself in front of me one of these times. and i know i couldnt handle that. how do you tell someone you love them more than your own life but that you cant be with them?

he also has so many other problems right now too. his family have been fighting with him. hes disabled but the state wont give him disability. he fell from 30 ft and shattered both his feet a few years back. his friends have been ripping him off. he tells me he feels like everyone is out to take advantadge of him sometimes. this crazy behavior is only like 5% of the time. but its just so bizzarre it scares me. i dont want to add to his depression/mood swings any more than lifes already throwing at him. what do i do? please someone help me. i just love him so much and dont want to hurt him.

Answer 1

Let him know that you love him, but he is scaring you and you think he should get some help. Also that if he continues to act the way he has been then you could possibly break up with him, even though you don't want to. Good luck.

Answer 2

Well if you love him, Try to get him some help..

I used to be in a relationship like this. She was all nice in the beginning, but as it deeper, I soon realized she would take her pain away by leaving slashes on her arms and legs. She even told me that if I left her she would take her own life.

I was a wreck because I didnt want to be with her anymore but I was also afraid to leave her. In the end.. It came down to where I just stopped caring. She's still alive.. (Thank goodness) but it took me to stop talking to her completely for her to move on.

Good luck.. the hardest part about your situation is it seems you have the choice over another persons life. The question is how much do you love this person.. and are you in love with him or do you love him as a person.

Answer 3

OK---are you ready to listen to some serious talk here?? I mean serious. By YOUR description you have told a story that is always the same but the players are different. He never showed the actions before---because he was hunting--hunting for a girl like you.... he had to be sure of the type of girl that YOU are. Willing to give all the love and attention he craves---which you say you do. He moved you away from the home--far away and convinced you he is the man and you have no where to go. Now the controlling issues start--real slow and deliberate. Manipulating you and soon to be putting all the blame on you. That is NOT love from him--that is horrible control that finally reared its ugly head. You are saying what he has convinced you of--you have no where to go. Yes you do---no one is EVER trapped in an area..especially by such a situation or person. He didn't want a strong, stand up type of a woman--he wanted one like you--and he got it. He hasn't hurt you YET--but he will--and you better get moving before you find yourself in the hospital, still convinced that he loves you and didn't mean it. Yes he meant it--this is all a childhood anger turned adult control issue--"why "doesn't matter---when you leave is what matters. His issues are for a professional--not you or me or anyone that is unsuspecting of his behavior. You have got to be tough, not falling for the act--and that is all that this is--an act. Talk won't work--he will just know that he has won--and his convincing ways will get you to stay---you love him??? Love what??? What do you have with this guy??? Be honest with yourself. There is always someplace to go--and it better not be the hospital. If he cuts himself and blames you, he is DEFINITELY SICK--and sick enough for you to get away NOW. I really hope you see this---sounds like a deep seated hatred of women--maybe his mom--but now he is hating you--the representative of all women--and you are trapped. He will find another and another if he doesn't go to jail first. Thank God you wrote---shows the first step to getting out of this situation--go home --go to someplace far away. ----before it is too late. read this again so you get the picture.

Answer 4

Your already scared. But I am going to scare you even more. In hopes to get through to you.
Living with a person like this is very, very dangerous. I am going to make you this promise. If you stay with him. You will not live through this relationship. (I am a victim of domestic violence. I have lived in several shelters on the run from my ex on and off for 2 years!) (I also have witnessed first hand women being chased down and murdered by their partner)
This guy is sick. You cant help him. Do not feel sorry for him when he hurts himself. Do not stay because you think he will kill himself over the lose of you. Because he wont kill himself. He will how ever kill you. I beg of you to run hard and heavy. Go to the cops. They will hide you if need be. There is help out there. Please take the helping hand that is offered to you! Good luck. Let me know how you are. You are in my prayers tonight.

Answer 5

Think of it this way: people have several ways of controlling or manipulating other people. Some people do it with violence, some use intimidation, others use the psychological or guilt trip. You have a boyfriend that could be all of the above. You can't be accountable for how he reacts, you have to do what's best for yourself. If you break up with him, tell somebody who is close to him to keep an eye out for him as you make sure you're in a safe (preferrably public) place when breaking it off.

Answer 6

a million. Research your subject's regional intellectual well being offerings and a quandary middle hotline - this useful resource is to be had and has counselors to be had to speak on your buddy. two. Make a "agreement" along with her. This agreement is a verbal promise that within the occasion she looks like harming herself she's going to touch you, peers or the quandary middle, and many others. three. Encourage her to look a therapist, and pass along with her to the primary appointment. If she are not able to come up with the money for it or does no longer have behavioral well being coverage. Contact your regional universities who've Counseling graduate systems and discover out wherein Counslor Trainees are carrying out their internships. Counselor Trainees furnish counseling offerings without spending a dime or on a sliding scale at regional nonprofit organizations and church buildings. four. Don't take this frivolously - talk along with her mother and father, a formative years chief, peer, pastor - any person who's a able and secure character. Your buddy is hurting and crying out for support. Seminary Girl ;)

Answer 7

I have been there before and almost nearly completely ruined MY life trying to help this unstable man with his issues. It's not too late to turn back at this point. I have learned not to let any other persons problems become mine anymore, and I paid a high price for it (mainly emotionally). I know it's hard but you need to cut your losses now. If you have never taken anyones advice before, please listen to mine.

Email if further questions or need more advice. I will be here for you, I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. I wish I would have listened when everybody told me to get out of my ordeal.

Answer 8

Just do it.......are you ok that you think this is a normal relationship???if you think he doesnt value his own life how can he value yours??Do you want to end up a statistic?Get out now .....there are abuse shelters that will take you call them and talk it out.Just because hes not hitting you DOES NOT MEAN you are not being abused. There is emotional and mental abuse.

Answer 9

First of all - reconnect with your family. Trust me - you will need them right now and they will be there for you but you will have to be completely honest with them about your fears about your boyfriend. Yes - completely honest. His issues and/or reaction to your impending breakup are not your own and you cannot internalize them. RUN - to your family for guidance. Moreover - talk to a mental health counselor about your concerns. If you really care about this man - help him find help but you are neither educated or trained enough to do it yourself. Again - reconnect with your family and get away from this time bomb. Trust me - if it is hard to get away now and you are afraid - imagine trying to do it with children. He needs help and you need to get out!

Answer 10

OK...ur scaring me. u making this up?

anyway, just write him a letter, put it on his table or sumthin. and move to another state before he reads the letter. take a vacation, u deserve it.

yea...this plan is genius

ps: u hav to tell him sooner or later.