I am having trouble dealing with my mother. My husband and I BOTH decided that he and I are going to be the only ones in the delivery room, my mother is throwing a fit about this. I have tried talking to her and he has tried talking to her, but she is demanding that she be in the delivery room with us. I am due in 7 days and she has been coming over to our house every day to "critique" my house cleaning abilities and then start talking about how she should be in the delivery room with us. I am her only child and I understand she cares about me, but what can I do? She is becoming VERY overbearing.
2007-03-19 16:25:06 · 15 answers · asked by chapel_bluff 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Talk to your Doctor and let him/her set her straight. The doc can simply state father only or however the two of you decide.
2007-03-19 16:30:05 · answer #1 · answered by damommyxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She demands that she be in the delivery room? Too bad, she doesn't get a vote. You and your husband are the only people whose opinions on this matter. If she's coming into your house and insulting you, I can understand why you don't want her in the delivery room.
I can say from experience that the only way to deal with an overbearing parent is to stand up for yourself -- and you have to be the one to do this, because she's your mother. If you don't lay down the law on this now she will get in the way of raising your child in a manner of your choosing. Be gentle and respectful, but you must also be firm. And tell her that, if she can't respect you in your own home, she won't be welcome there. It sounds harsh -- and it is -- but it is also necessary.
2007-03-19 16:31:18 · answer #2 · answered by D'archangel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder what her mother was like when she was first pregnant and how much of this has to do with that. Maybe you can get her to talk about that and see that she is overreacting.
I will also say that I find very often in my life that people around me give voice to my own fears and self criticism. If you are nervous about this, you might do well to take time out for meditation and visualizing each member of your family happy and at peace - individually and collectively. The more clearly you can see folks happy in your mind, the more you will see them happy in your life. Don't forget to see yourself happy too.
I personally must say I am always surprised to hear a girl doesn't want her mother in the delivery room. I mean, she's knows more about it than either of you, right? A lot of women of our mother's generation were not allowed to have their mothers in the delivery rooms which was very hard for the scared young mother to be. A new baby is a big deal for everyone. Blessings!
Peace!
2007-03-19 16:47:44 · answer #3 · answered by carole 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree, stand up for yourself. Tell her why it's important for just you and your husband to share this experience.
Alternatively, if you can figure out what's really driving her desire to be in the delivery room, you can calm her down and keep her out. Maybe she feels she will be less a part of her grandchild's life just because she's not in the delivery room? Maybe she feels like she's going to be a big help due to her experience? Remind her that you will be needing her after you and the baby come home more than in the hospital.
Maybe you could agree to set up a video camera or something in the corner that she can view after the fact.
For now, I'd tell her to back off and give you some much needed peace before the baby comes!
2007-03-19 16:35:25 · answer #4 · answered by Deborah C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very unfair of your mother to insist on being in the delivery room. This is a decision that you and your husband should make, and if you want it to be the two of you then she should respect that.
I would be worried that her overbearing manner might interfere with the moment that you and your husband should share at the birth of your child. Hubby may even feel a little left out and that would be soooo unfair!
I'm sure that if you explained the situation to the midwife she would probably help you out. Afterall, the midwives job is to make the birth experience as less stressful for you as possible.
She could ask your mother to leave the room.
Badluck if your mother doesn't like it.... I can guarantee she will come around, especially if she wants to see her new grandchild.
Stick to your guns!
DON'T let her ruin this very very special moment for you and your husband.
2007-03-19 16:35:01 · answer #5 · answered by Peta G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is wonderful that your mother wants to be part of her extending family and you and your husband should thank her for her interest. In order to asset this problem it have to be done with caution, because grandma is going to be needed in the future. The best way to deal with this and to give your child something special for the future is to have the attending nurse to video tape the delivery. This way your mom can see it afterward and it would be capture for life for your child to see it.
Have your husband's mother or/and father to make plans to meet in the chapel or cafeteria until the delivery is over.Your mom made feel comfortable with other family members with her. Also if she continues to insist on being present, explain that other family member would like to be involved too, but everyone can not be in the delivery room therefore, it's only going to be just you two! I am so happy for the both of you.
God Bless
2007-03-19 17:01:47 · answer #6 · answered by tony 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should tell your mother that you love her very much and you understand that it is important to her to be in the delivery room, but she needs to realize that the baby belongs to you and your husband, not her. She has to realize, even though she is important to you, your husband is the father of your child, not her. Tell her that sure she's not going to be in the delivery room, but she will be able to see the baby(once the baby is here) as much as she wants. She also needs to realize that she is putting wwwaayyy to much stress on right now, and you don't need that during your pregancy, especially bc your so close to your due date. Don't stress it, just tell her straight out, and if she doesn't like it well....don't worry about that until later bc you don't need to be stressed out. Let her know, but you got to do it soon. Hope I helped. Goodluck!
2007-03-19 17:06:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
On your birth plan, you should note (at the top) that you only wish your husband to be in the room with you. The doctor or nurse should then inform your mother she needs to wait in the waiting room.
In the meantime, you might point out to your mother that she is causing a lot of stress, which is a horrid thing to do to her daughter who should be looking forward to giving birth- not dreading a battle of wills.
She had to chance to give birth and raise a child, now it's your turn.
2007-03-20 01:12:41 · answer #8 · answered by busybusymomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is the choice of you and your husband. If you don't want her there, she should respect your decision. I am the grandmother of 14(#15 is on the way) And I have been in the room with one of my daughter's when she had some of her babies. BUT, it was her request that I be there. I didn't care one way or the other, as long as she and the baby was ok. Maybe you could talk to your mother and say something like "Mom, I know you are anxious for the baby to arrive. I know that you want to be in the delivery room with us. But, this is our first child and we are very excited about it. We would like to share this moment, just the two of us. We know you love us and we love you. Thanks for understanding, Mom." I don't know about other mother's...but if one of my children said something like that to me, I would understand and respect their wishes.
2007-03-19 16:46:33 · answer #9 · answered by grandmaL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your mother that you are an adult and expect to be treated with dignity and respect like an adult.If she cannot respect your wishes, then you will have the hospital staff to remove her from the maternity ward by force.She will go into hysterics at this, just stand your ground and say its either the waiting room or the highway take your pick.
2007-03-19 16:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to explain THOUROUGHLY that you DO NOT want her in the delivery room. Basically, if your water breaks she needs to understand that she needs to wait in the waiting room with everyone else. You need to specify that you want this to be shared with you and your husband, and you also need to explain to her that she is becoming overbearing and making you want to distance yourself from her.
2007-03-19 16:38:04 · answer #11 · answered by yungin4lyfe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋