I'm in love with her, but I don't know how she would take it.
She was molested by her father when she was ten, so she has serious trust and intimacy issues. I'm basically the only guy, maybe the only person she trusts. I'm like her protecter. I don't want to lose that trust. She shuts everybody else out, but still opens up to me. She's never had a boyfriend because she's afraid of the physical intimacy. Should I tell her how I feel?
2007-03-19 15:36:26 · 22 answers · asked by Gary W 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yikes! that's a hard one. You probably shouldn't yet, maybe wait 'til she acts interested in you more than a friend. That's a friendship you don't want to lose.
2007-03-19 15:39:34 · answer #1 · answered by Jaroo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you care about her that much and you want to have a chance with her, don't play things by the ear. Go and ask a specialist what you can expect from someone who has been molested, and he/her should be able to tell you more about your friend emotional state but also about her issues concerning physical intimacy. Meanwhile, why don't you start a good-old fashioned courship, but without telling her anything with words. You can see how she reacts, but in the same time she won't feel pressured into getting you a response.
2007-03-19 15:50:20 · answer #2 · answered by mina 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, don't tell her how you feel. She doesn't want to hear it. She will never trust you again. Let it go and find someone who wants a relationship. What you feel may, in fact, be pity instead of love. She needs counseling and direction instead of a boyfriend at this point. If she comes to you when she's healed then that's a different story. Make sure she's well first.
2007-03-19 15:50:13 · answer #3 · answered by solotrovo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, but make sure it is at the right moment... like you said, you dont want to scare her off, being molested is kinda a big thing, especially at 10 and by your father, you have to wait until the time feels right and you both are sitting close and well, yea, you will be able to tell when the time is rite, GOOD LUCK and if she trusts you as much as you say, i dont think that she will have a problem liking you at all. Hope i helpd
2007-03-19 15:40:06 · answer #4 · answered by aggiegrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! That's a tough one. Nothing destroys a friendship faster than telling a girl how you feel, particularly if she doesn't feel the same way.
I think a lot depends on how long and strong your friendship is. Did you know her as a child? You could begin by telling her that you love her as a friend and see how she reacts. She may feel as you do and let you know.
Personally, considering her background, I would let her be the first to bring up escalating your relationship
2007-03-19 15:43:30 · answer #5 · answered by kablair 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course you should. Be open about it. After all you guys are bestfriend. She trust you enough to tell her about her personal problems/issues, right? Then, there you go.
Tell her that you care about her a lot and you loved her from the start and you want to be her protecter. Tell her how you really feel about her. Make sure that its the right timing to tell her...like if shes in a good mood rather to tell her if shes pist.
But be prepared the outcomes when you confess to her.
It might turned out great but it might turned out not so good.
You ghotta respect of what she will tell you if she will tell you that she love you too...maybe shes just waiting for you to confess to her first...or she just wants you to be her bestfriend...if she wants you to be her bestfriend then tell her okay ill respect that and tell her that you still want to be friends with her...that way your not gonna loose her even if she doesnt accept your love that you want....
maybe she is really not ready to go to a relationship after all that she went through..time will tell..time will heal her...just be there for her no matter what....eventually she'll consider your love in the future...but then again its up to you if your willing to wait....
so good luck...
2007-03-19 15:52:01 · answer #6 · answered by MizBeingCute 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like if she is going to learn to start trusting people by getting into a serious relationship..that a relationship with her bestfriend would be the best start. Plus it would be dishonest to keep your feelings from her. Just don't pressure her , but let her know how much she means to you and that if she is ready..you will be there for her.
2007-03-19 15:43:01 · answer #7 · answered by pixie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her but if she doens't feel the same way than don't bring it up again. My sister gave me this advice when I was young, "Don't be friends with guys, they fall for you!" And I didn't listen to her. Now my friends consist of guys who have feelings for me and I find it uncomfortable or annoying when they say they care for me so much and everything else about how they feel for me.
But do tell her how you feel about her. If she likes you too than take things slow.
2007-03-19 15:41:53 · answer #8 · answered by pacific_crush 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her how you feel. Try to get her to trust other people, the world is not full of bad people, explain that to her. Try to seek help for her and still be friends.
2007-03-19 15:40:57 · answer #9 · answered by Chris C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for your friend. Well you can see if she is readyn to accept such kind ofrevelation based from you past realtionshipm as friends. if you think it is alright to do so then go , but if not , try to wait for the right time. Stay true to her she needs you. That feelings will soon find its way.
2007-03-19 15:42:22 · answer #10 · answered by pyrrhus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋