how should i feel about this?

Question

Im pregnant with my first child to my boyfriend who i love soo much, he means the world to me. But he has a 5 yr. old daughter from a previous relationship. Her mom calls here all the time saying how the 5yr old is crying and worring tht her father is going to forget about her once the new baby comes. The reason she feels like this is because her mother had already had another baby to a new relationship, in which she is in right now. Well neway She calls here and says how the 5 yr. old is crying and then her dad gets all upset and kinda takes it out on me in a way! He always says "you'll always be my only baby" to his daughter. That kinda makes me feel like he is going to leave my child out in the wind because of the way his daughter is feeling I dont want to sound like im being "greedy" n "immature" about this situation. Im just worried that becuase of the way shes acting.. he's ganna feel bad and blow my kid outta the water! He got mad today when i say"she'll just have to get over it

The 5 yr old loves me, and our relationship it great!! Like im not trying to sound mean to or about her, i love her to death, and i treat her as my own!

Answer 1

I think that your in a difficult situation and I've been there. Unlike the other person that left you a very judgmental answer i can say that i really do understand. I think if it bothers you that much then you should just ask him to express himself differently with his daughter. Basically he shouldn't say that she's going to be his only baby because then she's going to be jealous and confused when the new baby comes. So as opposed to saying his ONLY baby he can tell her that she will always be his baby period and that he will love both of them the same. If he's a good man he'll understand and what you need to remember is that it's not about or for you it's about the kids so don't think YOUR being immature or greedy your not you just see the errors that really do need to be corrected. Otherwise his little girl is going to feel that he lied to her when he showers them both with love and attention instead of just her.

Answer 2

As far as your boyfriend goes...you need to sit down and talk with him. Remind him (kindly) that he will soon have two children who both require his love, attention, and support. Chances are he knows this already and is just stressed out with his ex. As far as the girl's mom goes, it sounds like she is jealous that your boyfriend found happiness after her. For all you know, the girl might not be feeling that way and her mother might be putting words in her mouth. If she is upset about the new baby, it most likely stems from her mom's new baby. She might not be getting as much attention since the new baby arrived, and now she is worried that her dad is going to do the same thing. Try letting her help get ready for the new baby. Take her with you and your boyfriend to the baby store. Let her pick out some things for the baby (a blanket, a toy, a book, etc...). By involving her in the process she probably won't feel the threat of being ignored. Hopefully you have a good enough relationship with his daughter that this will be an okay thing to do. If not, I would work on it as much as possible. Even though she is not your daughter, she is going to be a step-sister to your baby. The closer you can come to being a family the better for all of you.

Answer 3

Honestly first and foremost people dont understand pregnant womens hormones are raging off the charts! Most of it you cant control! I am a mother of a two year old and a three year old! I honestly see where you are coming from! But remmeber she is 5 years old! Im sure the daughter isnt crying all the time! The ex is just using that as a means to reel him in! She probably is jealous! But dont by any means stoop to that level! I dont think he will blow your baby off it is after all his kid too right? Everyone calls there first born there baby no matter how old they are! But undoubtfuly he will love them the same! Sounds to me like the ex needs to back off and be a better mother! Maybe let him see her more? You know what i mean? You just be pregnant and calm down stress on the baby is no good!
Good luck!

Answer 4

What a rough situation!

As in all cases, if something bothers you it's a good idea to discuss it at a time that is non-emotional. As in, not right after she calls.

He needs to know how he's making you feel. It is justifiable that you feel this way. He probably doesn't mean it like it sounds. Another problem is that he's setting himself up for trouble down the road, when presto, she's not his only baby.

Sit down with him and tell him calmly that you understand that the girl is upset and confused, but that he's not helping the situation and he's making you feel bad. A more appropriate response on his part would be, "Awww, honey, I promise I will always love you. This new baby is going to take up some of my attention, but just you wait, you'll adore him or her too! Loving another baby doesn't make you any less my daughter and my love than you are right now."

This is going to sound harsh, and it's not something you asked for, and will probably earn me a bunch of thumbs-downs. I know you love him. But take a good look at that response he gives his daughter. That sends up warning flags for me that the guy will tell me whatever he needs to in order to make me feel better/stop whatever/do as he wants, but might not follow through on promises, might not really mean what he says. It's a brilliant neon flashing light over his head, telling you something about his personality. I'm not saying break up with him by far, just be aware of this.

Best of luck with your situation, and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Answer 5

i can see how you would be frustrated, it is a hard situation. First off, he should stop telling his daughter that she'll be his only baby- because she's not... she will get over it with time, what you could do is make her understand how important her role as a big sister to your baby will be, and the new baby will not replace her, but just give her someone else in the family to love that will love her back. your boyfriend shouldn't take it out on you that his daughter is upset... you should tell him your concerns and explain to him that he is making you feel like your baby will less important be it came second... mostly though it would best to help his daughter adjust to the idea of a new baby brother/sister.

Good luck and congradulations.

Answer 6

I have a 4 week old with my bf of 3 years. He also has a son 12 and 2 stepdaughters from a previous marriage ages 15 and 6. The 6 year old hates me. She hits me and screams at me. He babys her and says shes messed up because she dosent know who her real dad is. When we found out we were pregnant(it wasnt panned) we told the kids. The youngest grabbed a knife and came towards me. She said she was gonna kill the baby. She also says she wont be the baby and shes not gonna be daddys girl. He holds her and comferts her. I want her to know shes just as inportant as the new baby. But my bf never got onto her for the knife. We'll the baby was born and the kids mom told them saying we'll your dad has his family and dosent want u anymore. The kids called and said they dont want to come down anymore. They have never seen my daughter and it makes me feel bad. But I deserve a family too and I asked him when we first got togeather if he wanted more kids and he said yes. Ur bf shouldnt say that. I know it hurts but trust me when he lays eyes on the baby he will love him or her just as much. Be patient. Im sure he loves u.

Answer 7

He is just trying to reasure his love for her. I am sure he is capable of loving both his children. It is hard for children to understand, even when kids aren't in a seperated situation. My son told his teacher he didn't think I had enough love for him and the new baby on the way. I told hime the same thing, he will always be my baby even though of course now I will have two. Try to get involved with her also so maybe you can ALL be family.

Answer 8

here have a hug.. (( )) and one for Ma too (( )) i've got self assurance enjoyed. my nieces and nephews my sisters my kinfolk is exceptionally neat whether they seem to be a million miles away i understand that they love me.. If i did no longer understand that i might basically have no reason to stay now might I? i've got self assurance fantastically enjoyed as we talk.. so i'll proportion it with you.. ok? all of us else needs a hug.. come and get it they're loose this evening..!!

Answer 9

you said that you didn't want to sound greedy and immature.....
but you are!!!
go figure, he got mad because you said that "she'll just have to get over it"??? hahahhah you are a nut case.
if he does eventually leave you, and he most likely will, it will be because of your attitude and not his FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER!!!
what did you expect him to say to his daughter? she is practically a baby herself right now. she is feeling insecure and she is afraid of loosing her daddy...
shame on you!!!
if you spent half as much time trying to help this situation as you do complaining about it you might have a better life. but you won't i can almost guarantee it because you really are greedy and immature!!!