What would you do if----?

Question

I have a 21 yo daughter with a 3 yo old. She has been smoking pot in front of her and her friends have been doing harder stuff. I love ( of coarse) my daughter but she is getting out of control as she goes to bars and drags home undesirables to stay the night. My question is should I mind my own business or do you think I should report my daughter for what is going on or should I look the other way and hope that things get better? This is a serious question so please no smart *** come backs. Either Way I am going to probably regret what I do! So what do you think?

Answer 1

You need to get that baby out of that environment. That doesn't mean you have to report her though because the risk there is that the grand daughter could be put in foster care and maybe you'd not be able to get her back. Can you fight for her in other ways? Maybe set some kind of intervention up for your daughter and make her face what she's doing. In the meantime, that little girl has to be taken out of there before she gets hurt, or God forbid worse!

Answer 2

I would say that you need to find her help for one and possibly to report her. This is an awful thing to do in front of a child! I have a 3 year old (Im 24) and I don't even like it when someone smokes a ciggaret in front of him!

What your daughter is doing is not a good situation for any child, you may want to get custody of the child until your daughter can learn to stop having those people around and stop doing those things herself. If you don't take custody she may screw up bigtime and either hurt the child one way or another... or lose the child to someone else.

My cousin Died at the age of 30 from a drug over dose... her 7 year old daughter found her laying in bed dead. My aunt now has custody of her.
She to often smoked pot but she did other dugs as well.
With other people doing harder drugs it is likely that your daughter could, if she already hasn't, try them.. which can lead to many things as I am sure you are aware.
Not only could this behavior harm your daughter but it can effect her emotionally and (by accident or not) phsically. Think about what would happen to that child if she ingested the "harder" drugs! You need to get your child and her child to a better place as best you can... even if that means hurting your daughter in the process... A 3 year old needs a stable home and your daughter is NOT giving that to her. Call social services and talk about it with them.
I hope that in time your daughter will stop this and if and when you take drastic measures that she will be able to see why and forgive you with a clear head! Please, with a child so young involved DON't wait until things get really bad before taking action!

Answer 3

Take it from a mother who looked the other way for to many years. It only gets worse. My daughter, mother of 3 smoked dope when she was pregnant. Smoked in front of the children when they were little. Her children all know that their mom smokes pot and she taught them not to mention it at school. The children have suffered greatly from me keeping my nose out of it. So just be a butinskee, and instead of reporting her to the authorities, give her an ultimate, your way, or Child Services way, my daughter choose my way. She didn't want Children Services in her life. Her intention when I took the children was to get a better job, enroll in school and get a decree, and find them a suitable home. I have had the children for 4 months now, she has lost the little job she had, she has lost the 2 bedroom trailer they lived in and she has yet to enroll in school. She does good to spend 3 hours a week with the kids. So don't wait until your grandchild is half grown to intervene. Do it immediately.

Answer 4

NO don't turn her in.....then the social workers, and strangers will decide your daughter's fate and her child's and you don't want that. But if you must step in, why don't you try to take care of the child sometimes. I know this is not the greatest answer but like you said, it's not going to be good until she grows up. Where is the baby's father?

The best thing you can do is try to talk some sense into her. And do it in a helping way, not an accusatory way.

Answer 5

I wouldn't turn her in. I would talk to her and tell her that ur not going to try and run he life but you would love to watch your grandchild while they smoke or do whatever they do. It does sound like she's getting out of hand with the drinking and bringing home boys. Talk to her about it and hopfuly she'll understand. I know 21 year old girls are hard to talk to ( I'm a 21 year old mom of a 3 year old too) and they might mouth alot. Try to stay calm, getting mad will help nothing. Best of luck!

Answer 6

I went through this same thing from my mom. I did drugs, went out partying while she babysat..etc. I was a bad person, your daughter probably has feelings of guilt too. it may not seem like that, but im sure she does. my mom kept making me feel guilty..the more she brought it up, the more i'd fight..but the more I would think about it. My mom made it a point to look at everything from my son's point of view. She wouldnt say..as a grandmother..blah blah blah..she would be like..look that's a little child that didn't ask for this, he didn't deserve a mother like you, but your the only one he has and on and on. I would avoid her calls, but being who I am, I would feel so full of guilt It started to be the only thing I can think of. People like us are totally afraid of getting caught, being accountable for our actions and afraid of losing our kids nomatter how out of control we are. I grew up, your daughter can too. It took about 4 years for me to figure this out and now I am a person that my mom can be proud of and Im proud too. I would get involved if I were you. This is your family your talking about. Your not going to lose your family over this..if your grandchild gets taken away, you can still fight for the rights to see the child. Don't know how to go about this? You feel you are nagging? Trick her into an intervention...I don't know where you are, but you can get someone who's been through this like me to sit down and talk to her. If this doesnt work, you might have to try a more direct approach to get her attention. Its hard, but there's a kid that needs protection, if you don't do it, who will? You have to separate your feelings for/of your daughter for the sake of saving your grandchild. To my mom, that would have been worth it. If she couldn't help me, she'd be damned if she didnt help me son. I hope things work out and your daughter realizes the errors of her ways, but you need to put your grandchild before all else. I know your daughter has it in her to stop what she's doing and make better choices, but she may need time to do this. Changing a lifestyle that is selfish is very hard to change. Take it from someone who knows. You need to act fast, threaten her and let her know a dose of reality. You have rights as a grandparent at least that's what my mom told me, I didn't want to let it go that far to find out. You can make some annoymous calls to a lawyer to find out if you do have any rights and what the best course of action is. You don't want your grandchild in the hands of the state or CAS. Good luck and keep us posted.

Answer 7

Sometimes when we too straight to our kids, it might put us away from their life, but if we are too loose, it might drive them more uncontrolled behavior. For me, if my idea can be use or not, try to be friend to her, console her as a friend what does she needs you to act like..by the meantime, guide her the right path for her to go. Follow her steps and when come to the bench, try to pull her back softly.. with full your love to her.. I am sure once she realizes how deep your love is, she will be back to you again.

Answer 8

if that was my daughter i dont care what age she is i would beat the crap out of her...wha kinda mother does that with a 3 yr old kid...an you ur her parent you should be the first to say "wut the hell are you doing" you need to sit her down and tell her what shes doing wrong ...and she needs to get rid of her friends...i advice u to tell her that if she doesnt stop that your gonna do sumthin u dont want to...just because shes 21 doesnt mean u cant be involved in her life...goodluck

Answer 9

attempt to talk to her if she doesnt stop her crazy ways contact children an familys or the cops she is putting a 3 year old in harms way

Answer 10

Turn her in, what are you going to do when her baby girl gets hurt because of this. Can you risk your granddaughter? Atleast then she has a chance of her mom getting her act together.