I am having a moral dilemma?

Question

Me and my husband want to become foster parents.


But we also want to help his mother, she is in an institution in Puerto Rico. She is mentally ill. We would like to get her and bring her back here. She is not violent or agressive in any way. From what I understand she just gets very emotional and breaks down into tears a lot (we cant tell how much of it is mental illness and how much of it has to do with giving up her kids all those years ago), and all the medications they have put her on for all these years has made her mildly mentally retarded.

Obviously the system wouldnt let me take care of kids with her there, and sometimes I worry about the impact it might have on my child.

We havent bought a house yet, so I still have a lot of time to think about it, but I need some insight.

Answer 1

Your husband's mother is a priority and if you can't foster and have her in the home you need to choose her. My mother cared for her mother in law who had Alzheimer's until she passed away. It was hard on my sister and myself growing up with her there, you never knew what she would do and even on occasion strip in the kitchen in front of my friends. It was even harder on my mother who was divorced from my dad and yet she still cared for his mother. It wasn't until I was older the biggest impact of the situation fully hit me and the admiration and love I felt for my mother was unmeasurable. What an amazing woman my mother was to love and care for this woman who was not her flesh and blood and had treated her badly during my parents marriage, but she did this because family is more important and she refused to put her in a nursing home. To this day I still speak highly of my mother and the sacrifices she made to see that my grandmother lived her final years in a home surrounded by family. The only impact this will have on your child will be a good one, how better to show your child the true meaning of love and family than to care for your elderly parents. To keep his mother in an institution will only teach your child our elderly are disposable and useless, that family is not forever and love is not really unconditional.

Answer 2

So you're saying that she can't live in your house as long as your foster child is there?
I think it's great how you want to help the child's mother, very thoughtful of you. How about situating her at an institution where you live? Do you think that's what she needs? or otherwise, you could help her find a job in your city and offer to help with rent for the first few months (if she can?)
If bringing the mother to your city becomes too much or is too complicated, you could try to help her at puerto rico by sending her to a psychiatrist or a psychologist, because I think that's what she needs most right now, and they can help get her life back on track. She could even go to one in your city if you do decide to bring her here.
From what I see, this woman doesn't need to be in an institution because she doesn't seem to have a serious mental disorder (like schizophrenia) . I think that she may be clinically depressed or something of the like, which is something a psychiatrist or psychologist can readily fix.
Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm sorry about all of this for you. Maybe first off, getting the mother here. Perhaps better doctors and medicines and being with people who genuinely love her would help her considerably. There will time for foster children later maybe. Until then maybe you could become a big sister or help children in another way. I have been reading your questions and answers and you have alot to offer others. Don't forget to also take care of yourself too.