Need some opinions on disciplining a child?

Question

Ok..I feel that its necessary to teach kids consequences at a very early age.

If my son (he is almost 1 year old) is trying to climb on something. I would look at him, and say "NO....you will FALL DOWN and get HURT..."

I make sure he will not get seriously injured, but I will let him fall.

Some people say I am wrong for doing this. That I should either spank him, or scream at him and just try to protect him....

I dont see what the big deal is...hes been walking for two months, he talks a little, he trusts me, he listens to me almost all the time (he learned those key words very fast)

Why do people think I need to make him afraid of me, or that I need to coddle him. Parents of older kids, do you see my method causing problems for my son down the line? Am I missing something?

Answer 1

As the parent of an 18 year old and a 30 year old who never had a hand laid on them but were allowed to take the consequences for their own actions; I'd say your doing just fine.

Answer 2

I an currently in a child Development class. Don't scream. Look at him straight in the eyes and tell him exactly why he cant do what he was doing wrong. If you tell him "because I said so" he will test you. If you scream, he will become very upset. Letting him fall is the only way he will actually learn why he cant climb on a certain thing. I think you are doing the exact right thing. Don't question your parenting.

Also, children do learn cause and effect at a very young age. But the time he is one he will understand falling hurts and that he shouldn't do it. This can be different for each child, but its amazing how much an infants brain can learn in such a short time.

Answer 3

I truly applaud your efforts in teaching your child consequences! Good for you and I wish more parents would do this! That being said, 1 year old might be a bit early to let them fall hard enough for it to hurt. I just started this with my 2 and 4 year old. My 4 year old wanted to climb a tree, I said no, he climed anyway and slipped down the trunk (only about a foot or so) scraped up his knee, cried for 20 minutes and now he doesn't climb up the tree unless we are there. My 2 year old daughter is as stubborn as all get out and will jump off of a chair, land on her face and never cry a tear! I have to be on her constantly because she has NO FEAR. She gets a smack on the butt for things like that because she is endangering herself and others in the process and falling doesn't bother her.

To be honest with you, I wish I would have started this with my 14 year old a LONG time ago but I didn't. Now I am paying the price and I am having to put in the effort later in her life and it is much more difficult. She is failing 3 of her 4 core classes and I have tried to teach her how to be organized, I have helped her with her homework (when she actually makes it home with it) and I have spoken to all of her teachers. Now I am stepping back and I am going to let her fail. I won't approve this testing crap they do now and I won't approve summer school. She will have to re-do the 8th grade if she doesn't step up and handle it on her own. Teaching consequences can be hard for a parent because we want to protect our kids but they WILL NOT learn unless we let them make mistakes.

And in the U.S. spanking is NOT illegal. In fact, in Oklahoma we have a law that ALLOWS spanking with specific tools as long as only necessary force is used!

Answer 4

I like what you are doing. I have tried this way also. I warn, tell them the consequences, and if they still do it, and what I said was going to happen, happens, well, there ya go. I know you wouldn't let your son do something very dangerous, where he could be hurt badly. Raising kids is tough, everyone thinks they know the right way. Give me a break, too many variables to know everything to do right. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are doing. Good luck. Kids are great aren't they?

Answer 5

The only problem I see is that if you are letting him fall off things that don't hurt, ihe isn't going to learn that climbing can cause bad injuries and fall off something higher and more dangerous possibly when you aren't there to watch him- as children are great at doing.

But, if this is the parenting style that YOU want to use for YOUR family, it is entirely up to YOU and it shouldn't matter what others think.
Asking for others opinions on an individual parenting style is just an invitation for people to yell at you...

Answer 6

as long as you are monitoring the situation, I see no reason not to let him fall once in a while if you know he will not get seriously hurt. This is how children learn. They will also learn how to become more coordinated if allowed to fall occasionally. 'Fall down' and get 'hurt' will have no meaning to your child unless he has something to relate it to.
Now, if he climbs somewhere he is not supposed to for safety sake,, I think it appropriate for a firm 'NO' and possibly a spank to get his attention, but not enough to be construed as abuse.

Answer 7

well sense he is only 1 don't let him fall because it could do damage to his brain/ body. wait till he is around 5 to start letting him find out stuff like that on his own for example: falling out of a tree will hurt him. And let him expierance the fall. so try and disipline him another way like telling him he will get hurt and pulling him of of the tree ( nicely ). you just have to teach him his boundries like what is right and wrong.

Answer 8

I think it's wonderful that you want your child to experience consequences, as long as you're watching to protect them from great harm. (I'm sure you wouldn't let your toddler walk into the road after 'explaining' he shouldn't!) My 18yr old step-daughter has no CLUE the consequences of her mistakes because her Mom thinks she's protecting her!!! God bless us, neither have a clue. You're teaching your child to think....I say good for you!!

Answer 9

You must be age-appropriate to what a child can realistically understand. Anything ahead of that is abuse and cruelty. Get educated about parenting. Kids do not get their cognitive and neurological development all at once. It takes years.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with this as long as you are sure there will be no serious injury. Natural and logical consequnces are natures own form of discipline and can be highly effective. As long as he is not truely in danger, don't worry about what other people say.