What do you do when church comes between a couple?

Question

My fiancee and I recently started going to church together. We both decided to go. However we had orginally agreed to check out a few local churches before picking one. He chose the first one and was unwilling to try anyting else. I am committed to God and want to grow spiritually, however churches usually freak me out!! People try to push you in too fast and you get lost in the shuffle. Now my fiancee is in deep and it's creating a rift between us. I thought since we started this journey together, we should work together to help one another. Well now I am completely lost and feeling resentful. I am proud of him for making such a commitment but I feel like he's not sharing his new love of the church with me. I feel like church especially our church is a private club that I will never be a member of... Now he seems to be spending all his free time at church or with church members. I understand that God comes first, but where do I fall? I am saved and bapitized by the way. Am I selfish?

Answer 1

You have a different level of commitment to church and the one he has chosen is too demanding of his time and affection. Unless he is willing to pull back a bit for you there is a core disagreement here, one that has significant problems for you in the future. You can be as committed as he is but more comfortable in another church, please don't confuse God with a congregation. One is eternal the other isn't. If he is that in love with this congregation and you aren't, ask him how he would feel if you continued your search for a good fit between you and a congregation on your own. If you and he are happy that way it may be unusual, but a good sign you respect each others feelings and needs, if he tells you he won't allow it, or it will make him feel awkward and you need to come with him, think long and hard, because he will be that way with anything you come to him with and your marriage will consist of you being of no importance and him being not only the boss, but a boss without a heart. That's no way to run a marriage. Respect must go both ways.

Answer 2

You are not being selfish. Each persons journey and growth is different. I understand that you both agreed to go visit other Church's, you should go to a few of them and then compare to the church your fiancee has chosen.

There is nothing wrong with you going to a few churches and then deciding what one is best for you. You never know you might end up at the same church, if you do not go and check out others you might get more resentful over time.

Good Luck, God Bless

Answer 3

I wish I could give you a definite answer, but I can't. It's something you have to figure out for yourself. The only thing I can do is give you my opinion and hope it shines some light on your situation. I was born and raised christian since I was five, and I went through each level of my church. I know exactly like you feel. Like if I wasn't a mindless drone like everyone else, I didn't fit into their club. So I left the church, I thought if their "God" didn't like people being themselves, then I didn't want to worship him. So I went out researching other religions, because I am a spiritual person but I also don't want to have change myself for any religion. Then I realized that religion is made to control and make others believe what you want them to believe. So now I have no religion, I'm just "spiritual". And to give some kind of answer to your actual question, a person's relationship is different from a person's religion. It's all well and good to be involved in your church, but you need to make time for the important people in your life. If he can't understand that, and understand that he needs to satisfy some, if not all, of your needs, then maybe you should think about moving on. Because in the end, before family, before religion, and before anything else, you need to make yourself happy. Good luck.

Answer 4

Here’s a question. Do you feel that the pastor truly teaches the word of God? Do you feel that you learn from his sermons and that and they help your understanding?

The reason I ask is that when I first began attending my church I felt out of place. What kept me coming back was that I had tremendous respect for he pastor and found every sermon inspiring. I gradually made friends as I participated in more and more activities.

So this is what I suggest. Even if you don’t feel as comfortable, if you find the teachings of the church worthwhile, give it more time. If you aren’t getting anything out of the teachings, talk with your boyfriend and tell him that for the sake of your spiritual growth you really need to keep looking, even if this means attending different churches. This is too important to compromise.

People don’t adjust to new surroundings within the same amount of time, so it could be that you need to give this more time. But only if you think there is a possibility that the church will help you along your journey of Faith.

Answer 5

Not long ago my husband and I were church shopping too. We finally found one that we both love. I don't think you are being selfish. It is very important that you both agree doctrinally on things. Try talking to him about this, even though he has found a church he likes, he might be open to going to a different one on a Sunday evening or a Bible Study night. I really hope you two can work this out. I am glad to hear that you are saved and baptised.

Answer 6

No, as a couple you need to find a church you both love and feel comfortable in. I think its great you want to grow spiritually, that is why we are here. I don't know why you don't like this church, if its cause you disagree w/the the doctrine, then that will cause problems for you when y'all get married. Are there any other churches of that faith, ie Baptist in your area, y'all can try out? I will pray for you my dear.

Answer 7

In my humble opinion, love comes first. If church is causing a rift between you two, then in my opinion your fiancee (and perhaps you) do not see the beauty of love. If you did, the church would pale by comparison. Especially when it's all myth anyway. I would ask you to open your eyes and see truth and beauty, but I have learned that this is futile. I blame the priests and god mongers, but, what can I do? Apparently they've brainwashed both of you and all you are reading here is blah blah blah blah blah. I wish you peace and good fortune anyway.

Answer 8

So, you are saved. Good to hear.
But now you are faced with a man who is making decisions apart from giving you input. In each of your lives, God is supposed to be #1.
A dutiful spouse willingly accepts postion #2, knowing that his or her beloved is directed by the Lord ....
You need to ask yourself some pointed questions:

First, is your fiancee saved?
(Be ye not unequally yoked together with unblievers.")

Are you willing, after the marriage, to follow his lead and support him as an obedient wife? (Ephesians 5 20-33)

Can you truthfully be with a man for your lifetime who might tend to ignore your desires, or discount your opinion without explanation?

Good luck.

Answer 9

"church" shouldn't come between you and your fiance. If he is also saved, then christ should bring you closer together. If you feel that way, then something's really wrong. If it's a true church that preaches from Gods words, the bible, then you should both be having a closer relationship with God, not farther. Do you feel God has led you to that Church? If not, then something's gotta change, maybe he needs to accept Christ?

Answer 10

Your commitment is with GOD and HE is in you not just in a building on Sunday ,Pray together,talk about everything .And tell satan to get away from you.You have the power over him in Jesus name ,Tell him to go back to where he came from .