I would like to have a second child with my baby father but he is married to another woman...?

Question

how should I go about doing this? Please give me your opinions!!!!!

My baby father and I are only friends and do not have any feelings for eachother and respect eachothers's life..however for the sake of our first son we would like to give him a sibling and we agreed to have a second child. The only problem is that he is married to another woman and we don't know how to go about telling her or involving her at all...what do you guys think?

Answer 1

That woman will whoop your hiney. Move on already. He is married, don't try to be a home wrecker. Find your own man.

Answer 2

Have you talked to your ex about this? Does he feel the same way? I'm kinda worried for you when I read this! I know it can be really hard getting over someone you love even more so when you have a child with them, but it sounds like he has moved on and you should also. Even though right know you feel like you would never want to have kids with anyone else... you will find someone else if you give yourself a chance. I hope this helps and I wish you the best!!


OK I just read the second part you posted while I was typing.... that explains a lot more. Has he talked to his wife about this? This is a big decision and could cost him his marriage. Does his new wife not want kids? If she doesn't she might be more open to it, along with if you get the sperm injected and you guys don't have sex.

Answer 3

Please dont do that. This man wants his cake and to eat it. He is treating you like a fool and leading you on to believe he actually wants you by tieing you down with children. He should never have married his wife. He cant love her, nor i doubt, he loves you.

Although it seems to make sense that another child should be by the same father to match genes it isnt fair on the children as they are wondering why their dad lives and spends his life with the other woman.

You will be alone and whatever way you look at it second place to his wife. You deserve more. You deserve a man who will love you solely for you and be there for you and look after you forever instead of falsely trapping you like your ex has.

Dont be the other woman.....be true to yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Well . . . this is a very good question and you deserve to be proud of yourself for having the sensitivity to ask it.

I only hope I can do as well in my response...

Okay....here are the first thoughts I'm having.......

Does your child's donor-dad have children with his wife?

Does she know about the child you have that is biologically his?

How does she feel about that child?

And about you?

Were you a couple when your first child was born?

Was he excited? Involved?

How about now?

Does he pay child support? < as well he should>

Does he visit you & your child?

Or have you decided to be Mother Teresa and raise his children all by yourself rather than interfere with his perfect life?

Will your child grow up thinking of him as "daddy" ?

The absolute worse case scenario is this:
Together, you are considering a decision that will damage his marriage and family forever..

And it will be very hard for you to forgive yourselves if this should happen.

He may grow to resent you and both children . . . not a good thing.

If he does have children with his wife, will it be less painful for her to learn he has not one, but two, children with another woman?

Do not delude yourselves into thinking she won't ever know the truth...

Act Now and Forever on the Premise That She Will Absolutely Find Out The Truth . . . because she will . . .

And such emotionally charged secrets destroy trust in even the best relationships.

These are the hardest questions to answer, I know.

Yes, I understand you wanting your children to be full-siblings.

But, as parents who've adopted three children openly at birth, it's only our youngest child who has a full sibling she knows~

And then only because he & his Mama~who is our niece~live in our town & the kids go to the same school . . .

Our middle child, who's 19, has met her two half siblings thru visits with their mutual birthmom.

Our oldest child will most likely never know the half-sister who was relinquished before him or the half-brother who came after him & was also relinquished.

Does this matter terribly to them or to me in the long stretch?

Truthfully it doesn't matter at all . . . if we ever need a kidney transplant, we know who to call. Period.

As our middle child noted, after saying everyone thought our foster child was her brother even though they are of different races,
"Well, why couldn't he be my brother? No one in our family is related anyway . . . not by blood or stuff . . . "

Amen . . . a point well made . . .

And so, I believe your concerns are about the rightness or wrongness of having another child by the same man.

If you knew without a doubt that within the next five years you will marry and start a family with a wonderful man, would you even be considering donor # 1 as donor dad to child # 2 ?

Have you thought about how you'll reassure your husband that he has no reason to be jealous of the "father of my two children"?

So....unless you're forty and counting, please . . . wait awhile before you make this enormous decision which will affect so many people as the years go by.

And while you wait & wonder, put your self in the place of that other woman . . .

Try to honestly feel what it would be like to fall in love with a man only to discover he has two other children with the same woman---one of whom was conceived after your marriage.

Then imagine trying to explain your deception to your future husband . . .

What would he think? Feel?

Most importantly, would he ever completely trust you not to deceive HIM ?

I wish you peace in your decision whatever it may be . . . please keep in touch if you like . . . we both admire your good intentions.

Blessings,
Patricia & Dave

Answer 5

Find a guy who can love and support you and your first son. You deserve to have a husband to who can be a full time parent and give you the support you need..just like your son's father would do for his wife if she was pregnant......don't be anyones "girl on the side" move on with your life ...he isn't the only man with sperm !

Answer 6

The only "problem" is that he's married to someone else? Well, that sounds like a pretty big problem to me. Let me ask you this -- if YOU were married to him would you like him to have a child (or two) with someone else? I didn't think so. Why would you want to do this????

Answer 7

No way. Odviously you will not be respecting each other lives because he is married that interferes in his life and his wife. So I suggest that you find someone that is going to respect you and not be married. Hopefully that this helps.

Answer 8

you should wait until he isn't married any more. how are you going to explain to your children in the future that their father was married to another woman?! if he really wanted to be with you and have a family, he would leave his wife.

Answer 9

LET IT GO. He is married sorry to say but he didn't marry you . You can find someone better he's taken. dont you understand marriage. why would you want to be with a married man.

Answer 10

then what the hell is wrong with you!Don't be one of those women who are so desperate they will even be with someone who is already taken-and besides what makes you think he wants another child with you?