Does anyone else have this problem?

Question

I'm 20 and live at home with my parents. I was living on my own for the past 2 years while going to school but after I graduated I ended up moving back do to financial issues. Well I'm getting ready to move out again but what I can't stand is being questioned about where I go and what I do. My dad is the one who's always asking and another thing I can't stand is him asking me how much I make on the job. I never tell him but I just don't like being questioned. I always been responsible and never been a problem to my parents so why does my dad feel the need to still treat me like I'm five I ignore him most of the time and haven't even told him I'm planning on leaving the state and moving back east. My mom is cool but my dad is the problem. I haven't told him I'm leaving becuz he will probably overeact.Does anyone else have this problem or a similar problem and how did it turn out?

What my dad doesn't realize is this overprotective behavior is what's pushing me away.

Answer 1

You have no idea...

That's exactly what happened to me. You're so used to independence and freedom to make your own decisions, then that dissapears. And unfortunately (although I hate being told this too) your parents always see you as a little kid. I know, all grown up, out on my own and everything.

Let me tell you though, 3 years later, after my own apartment, job, bills and everything, I believe my parents finally eased up, and started...respecting me? Or at least recognizing that, yes I can take care of myself, because it's a huge transition for them as well. They don't want to let go. But, show them you are responsible, and they will come around. Good luck ~N

Answer 2

I moved back home for a few years after my ex and I split up. I was 23 AND had a 4 year old child. It was the most difficult thing I ever had to do because my mother always so overbearing while I was growing up. And I thought since I was now grown up and had a child of my own, that she would back off. Nope. It was like being 16 all over again. And when you've lived on your own and, in my case, owned my own house and had a child, its SO difficult to bit the bullet and move back home.

Your father probably figures that since you moved back home due to financial hardship, and since they are probably helping you out by letting you stay there, that somehow this earns him the right to be all up in your business all the time, especially when he inquires about your earnings. It goes back to the "...as long as your under MY roof..." days.

Your an adult, and the best way I can tell you to deal with it is to be the adult. Your making plans to move back out and get your own life back (good for you BTW!) and if your dad cannot accept that, then that his his problem. Its not his life to live. Let him overeact. He'll come to understand in time that this is something that you are doing for YOU and you're not asking him for his permission and that you're going to go with or without his blessing.

Good luck, Girl!!! Good for you for getting your life back. It took me a while, but I got out and now I'm married and a homeowner again. If anything, it helps you appreciate your freedom and privacy a little more after moving back home again.

Answer 3

I'm a dad, I have two sons and a daughter. Especially with my daughter I am continuously over protective. Yes (I know) it isn't fair, but Dad's have a special feeling and a special sense of protective responsibility over their "forever" little girls no matter how big they are. There isn't a easy solution to the problem, but letting him know that you know that he's always there for you and that you love him and will fall back to the great lessons of life that he has shown you- will definitely help the situation. Be glad that he wants to know what you're doing and wants to communicate, to many fathers out there could care less about their kids. Good luck!

Answer 4

Your parents obviously love you. Don't hold this against your father. While you are living in their home, they are going to intrude on you sometimes. You are now an adult and you resent their prying and their overprotective attitude. They probably can't help this. My dad used to say that a man is not a man until he can turn his key in his own lock. The same holds true for women. You're not there yet. Don't be ungrateful to your parents. Be thoughtful with them and wait until the time when you can finally turn your key in your own lock.

Answer 5

Honey, I live with this man, I'm sure - he's my husband, and he sounds exactly like your dad. His problem is our daughter. She's 18, still lives at home, is a university student, works part time, is independant and likes to live her own life to the full. Problem is that daddy still sees her as his 5 year old girl. It seems this is a popular problem and daddy's can't seem to see their little girl is a grown up woman with a life of her own.
I support everyhing my daughter does because I trust her and her values and judgement, just as it seems your mum does. It just takes the men a little longer to . Remember women mature faster/earlier than men do - I'm still waiting for my 51 yr old husband to catch up with that!! Good luck. Our motto is = simply tell dad the barest minimum info that answers his question, and keep the rest to yoursel! It works for us and I hope it works for you. Best of luck with your move!

Answer 6

No matter how old you get. If you live at home, your going to be treated like a kid, because you ARE their kid. Your Dad's just doing what he always did. You DO need to tell them of your plans however. It would be wrong of you to just spring it on them at the last minute. Give your dad a break. He loves you or he wouldn't worry about you at all.

Answer 7

I'm 42 years old and my parents still question me about stuff. lol It'll probably never completely end......but you are an adult now and when you move, you can come and go as you please and not have to answer to them. I hate to say this but your parents are always going to see you as a child.....my son is 16 and when I look at him I still see a 6-year-old.