Why are some women so absolutely mean and strict with their kids, especially when out in public?

Question

Some women, usually it is women, treat their children as if they are dogs. They give them looks that would kill, tell them to shut up and act like they are afraid that people are going to feel as if the kids have no respect for them. Those poor kids must be afraid to move wrong. The looks are enough to make me afraid. If they act like this with theri kids in public, god knows what happens in private. Why does this happen? Insecurity?

Answer 1

I'd rather see a parent being strict in public than a parent who either ignores inappropriate behavior, or worse, encourages it, or even worse, blows up and barks and shouts and hollers and smacks their kid all the way to the car.

I hate to perpetuate a stereotype, but the last method is the one I see most often when shopping at my local Wal-mart.

I parent my children strictly in public as well. I do NOT treat them like dogs. Actually, my dog is pretty much a pampered lazy pooch, so treating them like I do him wouldn't be that bad! But I expect my children to listen to me when I give a direction, I expect them to stay close to me and not wander off, I expect them not to touch items in a store unless they have permission or the money to pay for it if it gets broken. I am probably a little stricter on them in public than I am at home, but mostly it's the same rules both places.

Partly it's because I want to keep them safe-- we are a large group with six kiddos, and if only two wander away a few feet in opposite directions.. chaos and dangerous possibilities ensue... partly I want them to know what acceptable behavior is in public places, partly it's because I don't want to disturb others when we are in those public places, and partly because I want to exhibit a positive example of parenting a large family, so that people can see first-hand that not all people with lots of kids fit the trailer-trash Wal-mart screaming & spanking stereotype. I want to feel proud of my big family and my well-behaved kids, so if this is a matter of insecurity in your eyes, so be it.

FWIW, I don't apply the same rules to a toddler or infant as I do a school-aged child. My babies are allowed to make noise, babble, cry, or whatever they need to do as long as the situation doesn't warrant silence (church, movie theater, etc.). In those situations, it's best to remove the child from the public place rather than try to get them to behave unnaturally (suppressing their responses). At those ages, they're not really capable of controlling those reactions in the first place.

I hope this explains my POV in a way you can understand.

Answer 2

No Insecurity here.. All kids need to learn how to be respectful and that goes outside the home too. It's dangerous for children to be running around in Walmart like I have seen everytime I go there. So are you suggesting that we let our kids act out in public just so nobody will see us discipline??? The best way to teach a child how to act in public is while they're out in public.. So what I would suggest to you is to parent how you parent and don't worry about how other people do it. We all have different ways of raising our children. Just respect it.

Answer 3

Usually the children are in the middle of a fit or argument or whatever, and the parents haul them off, scold them, etc., but actually have common courtesy for the others out in public that don't want to hear a child screaming or see a tantrum. (God there's so few of them left)

That's my guess.

Answer 4

Well when i give my son those looks it's because he throws the biggest fit for the smallest things.
Taking him to the grocery store is the hardest because of the candy machines they have as soon as you walk in the door. My son goes crazy if he doesn't get his way and then trying to put him in the buggy while his body goes limp and then he starts to kick his feet, by the way i'm alone most of the time when we have to go out because my husband is at work plus i'm 37 weeks pregnant.
I love my son to death but there's no sense in him acting that way every time we go somewhere.
Then everyone wants to blame the parents like there terrible and are just so mean to their kids. Excuse me if i don't want my son's teeth rotting out of his head or want him spoiled rotten! He's my child and if he gets scared when i give him those looks it's because he knows he acted wrong.
If i want my children to grow up giving respect and to act like they have some sense than that's what it's going to be.
What does insecurity have to do with discipline?

Answer 5

I'm strict with my daughter cuz I don't want her to be the other way-climbing on things, touching everything, getting lost or hiding from me. By the way she has done all of these things-I feel like I have to keep her under wraps. She does know better but she tries it anyway. I was shy and my mother was very old fashioned-you are to be polite and have manners. Plus I don't want to have to clean up after her-even though she doesn't mean to she never puts things the way she found them. I think other mothers are exhuasted and overwhelmed you have to tell your kids what you expect from them before going in a store.

Answer 6

we've an entire of four little ones, 2 7yr old boys, a 21 month old female and an 9 month old son. finding out to purchase might nicely be exciting to declare the least and that i think that there have been events the place i might desire to nicely have fallen into the class you describe, in as much as i'm professional-lively somewhat than reactive and particularly strict self-discipline clever, no longer in as i'm unnecessarily mean to my young little ones. That suggested, if my little ones-or a minimum of the older 2-are charging around like a pair of lunatics in many circumstances inflicting havoc or wandering aimlessly around with their heads in the clouds getting into peoples way what do you recommend I do-wait till some old woman-or a youthful baby is knocked flying with the help of one or the two considered one of them till now telling them to act or have them behave in the 1st place? truthfully behave in the 1st place is the clever, to blame selection right here, suited? i do no longer cope with my little ones like canines, yet they're nicely attentive to what my husband and that i settle for as tolerable behaviour-exceedingly while out in public and in the event that they play up they gets informed off-even with even if the %. brigade are out in tension that day or no longer. particularly frankly i think of that there are a darn sight too many mom and father who merely don't worry to self-discipline their young little ones in any respect-this is for sure all in elementary terms a splash too lots attempt for them (in the comparable way as cooking an honest meal seems to be too) so once you next see somebody bothering to enforce a boundary or 2 in keeping with risk you ought to evaluate that in keeping with risk, merely in keeping with risk, this is the umpteenth time he/she has performed up that hour and that they are due a telling off rather of assuming that the determine is an insecure baby abuser. Even greater effective why do no longer you bypass over and ask-i'm advantageous you will finally end up having some particularly enlightening conversations.

Answer 7

My mother's look was a warning. It didn't frighten me.

Do warning signs scare you? There is a warning sign on your hairspray that says flamable. Does that mean that the can if going to burst into flames? No. Does it mean that the can, sitting ong your counter, is going to shoot flames at you anytime you touch it? No. It means if you spray it at fire, it's going to catch fire.

My mom did not beat us, nor where we afraid of her. But we did know that if we got the look, we where doing something wrong, and we needed to behave. If we didn't, we would get grounded. Cause = effect.

Answer 8

So instead of the glare to get their attention you suggest what???? A beating??? or Pleading with them to behave??? If my children are being unruly in a store they get a nasty glare. That is their warning to shape up or else. If I have to do it again I pick them up and carry them out. My children are in no way afraid of me, they get plenty of hugs and kisses as well as I love you's. To be honest I am more strict with my children in public than I am with them at home. I expect them to be on their best behavior. It pays off. I can take my children into a nice reasturant and get compliments on their behavior every time.

I actually had a lady in Red Lobster last week walk up to our table and say "when I saw your family walk in I was sure my husbands and my lunch would be ruined however you have the most well behaved children I have ever seen" That is because they get the glares and know how to act in public.

Answer 9

My son is 16 now but I've been giving him the "death stare" since he was little. However, I don't tell him to shut up (not in public anyway) and I don't really care what other people might think.

Answer 10

I live in an area where, if you discipline your children in ANY way, you are vilified. I remember hauling my son, in the throes of tantrum, out of a Starbuck's in a fireman's carry and passing a woman who hissed to her friends, "Oh, my GAWD, do you see what that woman is doing to her kid?! Someone needs to call CPS!!!" I didn't know the woman from Adam, and I was a little too preoccupied with my howling child to fire back at her, but I remember thinking, "Why is it any of her business what I'm doing when my child is obviously being disruptive? She should be applauding the fact that I'm not dragging him out by his ankle!"

It's this very thing that makes many mothers act the way they do towards their kids in public. If they are disruptive, then we're bad mothers because we can't control our kids. If we're hard on them, then we're bad mothers because we scare our kids. Perhaps if people were less judgemental and more supportive, then we wouldn't feel like we have to ride our kids to be 'perfect' every time we go out in public. Believe me, it's as unpleasant for the mothers as it is for the kids.