I go to her home and babysit for her, take her daughters on the weekend for her, clean her house when I am there but she always seems to find fault with things I do. I am at my wits end with her. I am to the point where I don't even want to be near her.
2007-03-19 12:17:33 · 17 answers · asked by Bon Hazel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
stop doing things for her - don't be her doormat - don't be there for her when she needs you a couple of times, EVEN WHEN YOU CAN BE OR YOU AREN'T BUSY - she'll learn to appreciate you then. if she doesn't, then you will have to learn to stop doing things for her and you will have to take her daughters for her when it is convenient for you and ONLY when you want to spend time with them. stop letting your life revolve around her. when and IF she begins to appreciate and respect what you do for her, you still need to make sure you are not there for her EVERY time she calls. it will be hard because you are a loving person - it is obvious, but it will be better for everyone in the end.
2007-03-19 12:29:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you doing all these things without being asked? Maybe she prefers to clean her own house. I read some question a while back where some lady was upset because her mother in law was always cleaning her house or doing things and she didnt want her doing it. Try just the babysitting and not the cleaning and see how that goes.
2007-03-19 13:45:10 · answer #2 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Early parenthood is a difficult thing to deal with, and as selfish as it sounds- they get too tied up in their own life that they forget the good of others. ...Don't stop to think about what others to do for them. I'm not sure- I would talk to her about it. I know, it probably seems impossible to talk back to your daughter-in-law because you're probably afraid of the tension that might bring. ...but if it makes you feel any better, I'm a 17-year-old asian girl, with extremely strict parents..and I told them about my boyfriend for the very first time in 2 years. It really sucked at first, but through time- things do get better. It's just a matter of patience.
but anyways, back on topic- I wouldn't just take on all her chores right on the bat. Try making social gatherings where you two get to know each other and become more family oriented. She shouldn't be finding faults in things you do, you're the one with the most experience between the two of you on how to raise a child and manage things on your own. True- people have their own specific ways of getting things done, but don't let her get to you. Rather than just be stomped on, go talk to her and do something about it. Or maybe talk to your son about it first. Good luck
2007-03-19 12:24:43 · answer #3 · answered by Tina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is truly ungrateful of your daughter-in-law. You are going out of your way to do her unlimited favours, and yet she has the nerve to find fault with you. To me, this is highly unappreciative and rude.
You are not obligated, nor are you being forced, to do these helpful favours for your daughter-in-law. If these activities make you uncomfortable, or you dread having to do them, just stop. If anybody confronts you, simply say that you were not feeling appreciated for your actions and resolved to stop doing them until you felt that somebody was actually appreciative of it. If they inform you that they were appreciative, tell them that they certainly did not do a good job of showing it. Do not be rude. Simply say it calmly but firmly, and let them know that you will be there if and when they feel the need to thank you for all that you have done for them.
You are a wonderful mother-in-law for doing all of this for your daughter-in-law, and if I were the daughter-in-law I would be extremely grateful for your help around my home.
2007-03-19 12:54:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it has something to do with the way she was raised and was never taught or learned how to appreciate many things! I know a woman I secretly think of as having the "princess syndrome". She loves to be the center of her world, have everyone and everything revolve around her and she takes so much for granted. Maybe she needs to learn how to be grateful.
2007-03-19 12:22:13 · answer #5 · answered by Kelly W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop cleaning the house stop doing for her stop taking the kids for the weekend, it won't take her long to realize that she actually misses you doing it for her.
But on the other hand if you stop seeing the kids and stay away from her how will that affect your grandchildren.
There is never a simple solution for these types of situations.
2007-03-19 12:23:22 · answer #6 · answered by Marla D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I wish that you were my Mother in Law. Stop doing so much for her. She may be taking your for granted. I would stop everything except seeing the girls on the weekends because I am sure that they enjoy seeing you. But I would even cut that back some.
What does your son say about all of this??
2007-03-19 12:25:37 · answer #7 · answered by Sweetie246 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop doing things to Please her....
if u think u clean her house to please her, u are sorely mistake. first of all, no one likes to be told, or shown that they do not know how to take care of their household..even if u are trying to help her. also, she may feel that u are stepping on Her territory in terms of cleaning her house, etc.
if she needs u to take care of the kids, ask her to drop them off. do not go to her house, and if u do, do not clean for her. have the kids help clean up, but don't do it Yourself.
i think if u concentrate on having a Healthy lifestyle, u will stop worrying so much about your son and daughter in law and enjoy life more. the more u enjoy life, the less u will annoy or bug them, and the more u will be welcome as the cool Grandmother rather than the one who constantly bugs or babies them.
good luck
ps: i have an aunt that lives w/ me, and boy does she BUG. i mean, she cooks and cleans and everything for me, obviously she cares for me. but i cannot stand her babying me, telling me what is right or wrong, insinuating i am too messy, or i can't BOIL WATER RIGHT.... it gets really old after awhile. u gotta let her live her own life, make her own mistakes, etc. if u wanna be there for her that's awesome..but don't force it on her. ur son is Grown Up now with a wife to take care of him.. u need to let them live and let live as Mature Adults now. :)
2007-03-19 12:39:21 · answer #8 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a vacation from her then she will realize what you do for her.I*f she still does not see it, then let her take her children on the weekends and clean her own house. It sounds like you are raising her children and not her.
2007-03-19 12:26:55 · answer #9 · answered by Urchin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, did you offer your services or did she ask for your help? Secondly, stop cleaning her house for her. She's old enough to have children, she's old enough to clean her own house! If you offered and she is complaining, stop right now! What does your son have to say about all of this? Your husband?
2007-03-19 12:55:51 · answer #10 · answered by D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋