GUYS I need your HELP on this one!!! How to talk about wanting babies...???

Question

Ok I have been wondering about this for a while, it is a little difficult so here it goes.

I have a genetic medical condition known as Endometriosis wich in a nutshell means the lining of my uteris grows out of control. Well with this condition comes a smaller window in wich I can have children. I am 21 and by the time I am 24-25 my chances will be around 50% and by the time I am 27-28 I will be around 15%. I am dating a wonderful guy right now but we have not been together that long (he is 23). I have mentioned my condition but no %'s or stats like I am giving you right now.

My question is; I would like to bear at least one child of my OWN in my life and would need to do it a little sooner than most women. I don't want to oops get pregnant, I want it to be planned. How do you break someting like that to a guy? That within the next 4 years you NEED to have a baby or else may not be able to.

What would scare a guy more, that you have to have a baby sooner or may not be able to?

I am not wanting to get pregnant like... tomorrow or even bring it up real soon I just want some insight on the best way to do it.

Thanks everyone :)

Answer 1

Break the medical story first, then 'indirectly' mention that if I don't get pregnant within x amount of time, I'll never have kids!!! This could be lightened by having a friend of yours there to talk to while you're with him, or discuss it with your mother with him there. He needs to feel and understand your sense of urgency. Start trying to get pregnant in 1/2 of the total time, for example if you have only 4 years, plan on being pregnant in 2. You do not want to have this (or any other guy) suddenly decide in 4 years that he's no longer interested. To be told that then would be too late.
Further complicating the issue is that he's only 23. At that age guys are still relitively emotionally unstable. It isn't until the 7th phase of maturation that a male is ready to enter middle adulthood { generativity vs stagnation} and become emotionally capable of begining a family. At 23 he's still in the 6th phase where he's just now becoming mature enough to enter into intimate relationships. To ask him now how he'll feel about children in 4 years is unfair in that he cannot give an accurate answer. The difference between him now and in the next phase is equal to the difference between when he was 12 and the way he is now.
If you asked a 12 year old today how he'll feel about having children in 4 years he wouldn't have the experience, maturity, or intellect to fully understand the implications; such is the case with asking your 23 year old b/f to understand what it would feel like to have children when he's 27. He simply cannot comprehend the concept in its entirety.
Additionally, how do you know that this is the guy that you'll be with in 4 years? Statistically, it's not expected that the partner you have at 21 is the partner you'll still have at 28.
There are options like being artificially impregnated, or even asking a man you know, who you could test for genetic abnormalities, predisposition for disease, intellect potential, genetic propencity towards abuse of alcohol or drugs, and many other detectable traits and disease probabilities. Certainly choosing a person that you already know and being able to pre-determine the likelyhood of future health concerns is far better than expecting a 23 year old to essentially 'guess' what he'll be like in 4 years. Either way, please keep genetic counseling in mind. Far too few people take advantage of it, and then become overwhelmed when they have a baby with a fatal abnormality. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Your want or need to have a baby SHOULD scare guys!!! Children are not cure all's for ailments, and NEVER should be brought in to this world just because you can, or cannot any other time. This is a human soul you are talking about. Ever considered finding a guy that can love you and you can love him FIRST??? THEN, talk about a child - maybe you won't be able to by then - if so, then it was not to be. If you both love each other, children shouldn't matter one way or the other. You do not NEED to have a baby - no female NEEDS to reproduce. In fact, if you have a girl you may pass your disorder on to her - would you tell her "I NEEDED to take that risk for ME!" You NEED to stop obsessing about this - you are being extremely selfish, which means you are capable of doing some very stupid things. Selfish people make HORRIBLE parents. BIG DEAL if you do not have a baby - you will still be a woman with or without a "normal" uterus. Get over yourself and stop believing you NEED to procreate. That is stinking thinking. Grab reality and deal with it. Bringing other innocent humans in to "help" you get what you think you "need", is so wrong I am in shock you actually admit thinking it could ever be right. Wow. What you need is professional therapy and lots of it.

Answer 3

You need to decide how you feel about this guy. If you are really interested and he seems interested in you then you should be able to discuss the issue with him. Just make sure he understands the situation and your feelings. It is much better to have things in the open so both of you understand where each other is coming from. If he is scared away then it wouldn't have worked anyway, but you might be surprised and he will appreciate your openness and might have some good input.

Answer 4

I'd say be honest.Tell him.I know I'd love to have kids of my own,and I'm seeing a wonderful lady right now.If she told me she HAD to have a baby now,I wouldn't hesitate.Having a baby together brings an intimacy to a relationship like nothing else can.But,you also need to plan for the financial side,too.I would talk to a couple who's already had a baby,and get all the info they have to share on financial planning,effective parenting,etc.

Answer 5

Only you know the guy your with and the senserity of his intentions in your relationship. If he is serious with you, just talk to him about it and tell him after 25 you may not be able to have a baby with out putting your life in danger or the babies. If he doesn't want kids or get married, you need to decide on whether the realtionship is worth keeping.

Answer 6

things you need to consider:
-you wont be able to do anything more with you life such as travel around the world, stay up late at nights to party etc.. think of the things your gonna give up
-think of your man, is he ready? maybe consider on choosing ur knight in shinning armor first then babies later, whats worse than having a baby unplanned is having a baby unplanned with the guy you dont like, im pretty sure anyguy would be happy to have sex with you to get u pregnant, so maybe think about your futher with your man, ur not even married.....
-consider the financial problems you might have, raising a baby is not cheap, its really really exspensive. it takes patiences, care and time for ur baby, its the sad truth but u will still have to face it sooner or later, and having finacial problems itsnt gonna help...

having a baby sooner would likely freak him out more, the pressure on the guy and him with his finacial problems and family problems, it could turn out to be a hassle for him and he might make the wrong moves, not saying he wont say yes but he would need some time to think it over.

not be able to isnt too bad as you think....welll im a guy so what do i know eh? : P but from what i think, the girl you love is more important than having babies.

Answer 7

Either you do it now, hun, or you adopt.

I would go for adoption because there are a lot of children out there who don't have real parents and would love to have 'em.

Answer 8

Have you and your husband spend a lot of time around babies so that he starts to like them.

Answer 9

perhaps sit down with him and talk about the relationship --- what you both want --- then with that basis tell him your problem and see what he says --- should he care for you he will be enthusiastic --- i do know what you are going through -- my ex wife's best friend had the same --- she had to use IVF and has a wonderful daughter --- best wishes

Answer 10

just be 100% honest.

if he really cares about you he will stick around and have a baby with you.