I am hoping someone can give me some insight and advice. I am a single mother of a 3 year old biracial son. My son's father and I haven't been together since I got pregnant. My son is 3 and is starting to ask about his daddy alot to the point that he cries about it. I know it is coming from seeing the other kids at daycare whose dad's are involved. I have tried to get his dad involved but he doesn't want to be and won't make any effort. He lives out of state anyway. There is no real bond on his end for my son. It really hurts me to see my son upset about it. What do I say or do to console my son when he is missing a father and male role model in his life? Any suggestions? Thank you for your help!! =)
2007-03-19 09:39:19 · 10 answers · asked by Erin 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I grew up without a father so I know exactly what he is feeling. First of all do you have any photos of his father? If you do give him one to place in a place that he chooses so he can alwayse go look at it when he feels the need to. try not to say anything bad about his father in his presence, when he gets older he will surely see and react appropriately. Does he have any uncles or older male cousins, that he can build a relationship with. Just try to get him involved with a male figure that will be able to do stuff with him. Even be able to take him to daycare sometimes. Then he will get so ivolved with him and take his mind off of it for a while. But trust me as he gets older the questions will come more often. So you are going to have to come up with something substantial then. I just don't have any respect for any man who doesn't take an interest in the child that he has brought into this world. May God be with you, He will help you and your son through it. Trust Him.
2007-03-19 09:54:09 · answer #1 · answered by petty 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you have a dad or brother living near you??? They can be a role model for him if his dad doesn't want to take care of him.. A real father cares no mather where he lives, he seems to be a looser !!! ANd you know wjy because he is loosing the happiness to be a father to feel all the emotions to be one, he is loosing responsability over his kid and he is loosing the rigth to have a son and the time he will not recover if he decides one day to become a real father, thattime that he is loosing rigth now it won't be ack again!!! SO if you have your dad or brother to be near him as a role model good for him if not maybe one day you will find some one that will love you an will love him too like a son, in the mean while talk to him and be HONEST with him don'tlie to him well don't hurt him as he grows he will be understanding the situation... But tell him that you are his mother and that you love him very very much, that he has a dad (never talk bad about his dad) but he doesn't live where you live but he jknows he has a son and maybe he has no way to communicate with him but that one day he will do it, to remember that no matter what you will be there for him when ever he needs you!! Show your love to him day by day and he will feel better if he thinks less of a dad it will be hard but he willget used to it.... Good luck !!!
2007-03-19 11:27:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello Erin..I am a single mother myself, and my son is 8.-
My son's father also left when I was pregnant and I did not hear from him ever again, he also left the country, and I have not gone to Court looking for him, I am far too proud for that.- I think I have a done the best job I can as a single mom so far, one thing I will say is to search for diverse programs and activities your son may be and like to do...ie. sports, scouts, sunday school, any type of program in which he can be with other children and also have in sight positive male role models., its not a good idea...to expose your son to all your male friends, dates or boyfriends , if u do not think this guy is permanent in your life, cause your son may get very attached to this person, and if eventually the relationship does not turn out he will feel that 2 "dads" have left him twice..and that can be very heartbreaking for him, if u have family close to you, like father, or brothers, talk to them and make them be a part of your son's life too ..nothing too complicated...taking him to lunch, to a movie , a park..that will be wonderful quality time for him...best of luck!
..One more thing I wanted to add== Don't ever feel bad about your choices..or the fact you are a single mom, raising a boy all on your own, you are doing the best job you can..and u are doing it quite well!..
2007-03-19 10:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by LatinSpice 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there,
I share your pain . I am also a single mom to a son. My son is now 13 years old. Never talk bad about your son's child in front of him or say anything negative about the father. Reassure your son that you love him and he is very important to you. Let your boy share his feelings and thoughts. Tell him he is not the only one who does not have a daddy and show compassion for his feelings. allow him to express his emotions openly.
It is important to have male role models for your son. He needs someone to look up to and to relate to. Does he have an uncle? grandfather? This is the age where little children start to question everything and try to make sense of their world.
Maybe you can find books for young preschoolers who are being raised in single parent homes? now is the time to start talking to him about it. He is upset and needs his mommy to understand him.
2007-03-19 13:11:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget the loser father. No sense in trying to drag him back, it will only make it worse for the kid.
Get in a program like Big Brothers. Better yet, if your dad is around I would spend more time with him. Do you have any male friends you are close with? Are you dating? Hopefully you will be able to bring a man into his life that will care for him. Don't let your ex ruin you for other men, its important for you and your son.
2007-03-19 09:52:22 · answer #5 · answered by Paul S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Check out the Big Brother Program
2007-03-19 09:45:45 · answer #6 · answered by Beau R 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello there
what you can do is if you have any male friends you can ask them to talk to him and treat him like he was there step son, and not just one male friend, all you male friends, and make sure they are just friends and you are not sleeping with them.
If you have a brother,cuisine, grandfather, our some one you are working with you can trust you go out with your son and the man he is with and make sure he is safe.
If that doe's not work then you go to big brother sign him up to have an adoption father, our you could find someone in church., but there is Meany men out there who want to be a stepfather for a good child.
2007-03-19 11:37:06 · answer #7 · answered by lucky13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
but him in a groupe were 1 day a week he will go with a guy thats like a dad and go to the movies or somthing and let him do that with out you there all the time !~
2007-03-19 09:44:09 · answer #8 · answered by Glen 111111 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have a male role model at all, i.e your grand father, father, brother, close male friend, or your boyfriend?
2007-03-19 09:45:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What about your dad or grandpa????
They could be perfect!!
2007-03-19 09:44:54 · answer #10 · answered by kabmiller@verizon.net 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋