He's not ready for a serious relationship?

Question

I've been dating a guy for six months and I thought things were progressing nicely. We spend a lot of time together, have regular sleep overs, and talk on the phone every other day. We never said we were boyfriend-girlfriend but we agreed to be exclusive. I thought that by being exclusive, that meant that we were in a somewhat serious relationship. On Saturday, we were out with his friends and someone asked if he was my boyfriend. His response was "we're not together like that." I asked him later what that meant and he said that he's been hurt badly in the past and isn't ready for a serious relationship. He also said that maybe we should take a break from having sex because it's making things more complicated! Now I don't know what to do. It hurts so bad because I love him, and I might never be his girlfriend. I don't want to leave, but I don't want to stay in a dead-end situation either. Is it worth sticking it out and hoping things will change?

Answer 1

Well, I think you need to get serious. Then I think you need to get serious. Then again you really ought to get wake up smell the coffee and start living in the real world. Seriously. Your fellow might not like you asking other guys what to do about his own personal fuzzy bunny.

Hey, people should live in harmony. Sounds like you need a lobotomy. Because you've obviously done things you didn't want to do. He wanted to do them so you submitted to a dictatorial relationship. Now you want to change your Constitution? And yet you just don't have a voice - surprise surprise - it's not a democracy at the home's boys hood?

Yup, go to any shrink and he'll tell you: "I am a highly paid professional who is not up to upsetting a cave man who doesn't respect women as that my dear is dangerous; so here is a lobotomizing pill to help you cope with your obvious lack of moral fiber and intelligence."

Yup, go to a gun salesman and he'll tell you: "Get thee a revolver and inform the punk that he is in fact in the company of an equal. Shooting is optional after that."

Yup, go to a grave digger and he'll ask if you own a plot and have good insurance and if you do he'll say: "My dear we live in the world's closest thing to a utopia, obviously your man is telling you what you want to hear. So of course you can do anything you want to do. You are woman; roar.

Yup, got to a politician and he'll say: "I'm sick and tired of you not listening to the gun lobby". ~or~ "I'm sick and tired or gang bangers shooting people ~ why don't they just go get "help"?"

Yup, go to a mosk and they might say: "You are a whore, obviously you should be stoned".

Yup, go to a pimp and he'll say: "Hey, I'll treat you better than that, and you'll get even more lovin'."

Yup, go to a crack head and he'll say: "Dope?"

Yup, go to a car salesman and he'll say: "Mr. Ford invented a device so cunning as to permit a woman like yourself to get several miles away from that fellow that has not married you, and maybe, just maybe if you haven't shot him too many times, or enough times, the police won't come after you after all and in that place where you might go they will not know you as a woman of ill repute."

Yup, but I say woman what are you? Nuts? Get the damn gun and learn how to use it. Then get a car.

Of course if you are still a baby yourself, grow up. Stop having irresponsible sex.

Answer 2

Hey sweetheart!Guys are not really worth breaking heads for!If only they would think half as deep as ladies do then the world would be a better place for evferyone.
You really should give him a break.Jus please stay away from him.He's a jerk and you need someone better than him.You know it really is true that you dont know the worth of what you have until you loose it.Let him feel a sense of loss again then see if he misses you enough to want to back.I say get distracted for at least a month ,forget him,meet new people.There's a whole lot out there for you.He obviously isnt the best thing for your at the moment.Sweetheart stop hurting!Leave him!

Answer 3

When did you agree to be exclusive? Are you sure you understood that conversation correctly?
Six months is not that long to be dating so get out of it now if there are such serious miscommunications that he doesn't even understand what the meaning of the word 'exclusive' is. You are hurting badly but the only way the hurt is going to go away is for you to delude yourself into thinking this guy cares; and that is just because you would be fooling yourself.
He is having sex with you without caring enough to publicly acknowledge you as his girlfriend. It is evident to me from your story that he has one explanation for you and a different one for his friends. His friends are much more serious to him - by saying, 'we're not together like that', he told them he is still single and looking. It would have been very easy for him to use that occasion to say, 'Yes, she's my girlfriend' but he didn't. Of course you are hurt but you have to face the truth. You probably think in the back of your mind that he may still give you the chance to be his girlfriend someday (one whom he recognizes publicly). He doesn't even want to keep having sex because he suddenly realized that he can keep having sex with you but he's not ready to pretend he has serious feelings for you.
He's a jerk. This is the worst kind of situation for you to be in. If it hadn't been for the meeting with this friends and the remark and his reply, how long would you have persisted in thinking he really did consider you his serious love interest? I'm guessing until the next distraction came along and he wanted to get with her.

Answer 4

24 isn't too youthful for an unique courting, i'm afraid to tell you. you're nicely over the age for somebody to assume a sprint faithfulness. in case you will possibly cheat on him, you're no longer waiting to be with him. This looks merciless although that's the only thank you to guard him from getting harm.

Answer 5

Sum times these emotionally distraught persons will start loving again if u allow them 2 trust u. take it slow and see wat happens, its up 2 u if u want 2 wait but does he even love u?sex is the physical expression of love, each time u av sex u should feel closer and more emotionally attached so i guess he's been holding back the whole time. if he's that badly hurt he should av told you a long time ago and neva bother 2 av sex wit u. he should be the 1 running u down to apologise, just let go and let life be cuz wat is 2 be must be. take sum time doin fun stuff and be careful to clearly define wat u expect from a relationship the next time u get into dat situation

Answer 6

No, ditch him - he's an ******. Forget him - get a hobby or volunteer for something that will take your mind off him. It'll be hard work initially but trust me it's all worth it in the end. You don't want to be with someone who will not acknowledge, you because you're better than that and you know it.

Answer 7

First, stop having sex with him. He's right, it is making things more complicated for him and now for you. He isn't sure if you are right for him and why would you want a guy who isn't sure about you. Until he figures out what he wants, you will only get hurt. Find someone who respects and cherishes you.

Answer 8

What you did is the right thing...Let him first make up his mind...Cause its unfair in your side,especially youre a woman being with a man whose not yet ready for a serious committment...What if one dy hell find out he only wants you in bed,But if you truly love him,then just pray and ask GOD to guide you and show his will for both of you,,,,And you can still keep the friendship until his ready for a relationship

Answer 9

Don't mean to make you feel bad, but that's life.

Some times it's just not meant to be or not to happen at the that right moment.

Give it some time and he probably will come around.

Answer 10

set it free darling,if its meant to be it will be!! sex complicates things from the get go so it complicated it the 1st time you all got on!! AND that's what sucks but darling that's were our learning comes in at,we get stronger at it its hard hell ya it is but why be were the feeling is NOT mutual? Let him go and move on you can do it trust MEEEEE!!!!!!