Should I give my son up for Adoption?

Question

I'm a 24 year old single mother. My son is 2 1/2 months old. I have been thinking about giving him up for adoption. I miss my old life and I do care about him deeply but feel no real connection. The only problem is my mother says she and my family will never speak to me again if I put him up for adoption. I want the best for my son and I don't think I can give him what he needs. I miss my freedom but don't want to seem selfish. I have never been so unhappy in my life. I have no idea what to do...I want to be happy but I don't want my whole family to hate me. Plus I worry about what my friends and co-workers will think if I give him up. The father wants nothing to do with him. Please no mean replies.

My mom says she loves him and will hate me if I give him up, but everytime I ask her to babysit she gives me attitude and compalin about it. I do not have post partum depression either...If I did give him up then it would be a very open adoption.

Answer 1

You have to do what is best for your son first, and then yourself. If you feel that you can deal with this, without feeling tremendous guilt and pain later on, then maybe it's what you should do. Before you do give him up, see a counselor, who can guide you on the feelings you might have later on. This is a big choice; don't act prematurely, be informed of what his life, and yours, will be like afterward. I truly feel for you. My daughter came to us from a mother who wasn't ready to settle down, and I'm your age. Good luck, and please, please think hard about this. You may never see him again, but if you are okay with that, then maybe it's for the best. Believe me, I'm not chastising you in the least; I'm just worried about what both of your futures will be like. If you need to talk further, you can contact me. I'll be praying for both of you. If you're worried about your parents, just consider what's most important. By the way, would your parents consider adopting him if they love him that much? Maybe that is an option for you to consider.

Answer 2

Before you decide one way or the other speak with your doctor, you may be suffering from post partum depression or some other illness, which isn't all that uncommon after giving birth.

If you really think that you would be happier with some of your freedom back, consider asking your family to help you out by watching him one night every other week (or whatever) so that you can go out, take a break from being "just a mommy" and do something for yourself.

Your family, of course is going to be upset if you give your child up for adoption, they love you, and they love your child, they have formed a family bond with one of their own. No doubt that your child also has formed bonds with you.

If you honestly feel that you cannot be a mother to this child, give him to someone that will give him the life that he deserves. If you are going to go through your life resenting the child for not being able to do the things that you once did, you are in no way doing him any favors by keeping him, just so that your family will be happy with you.

No matter what route you decide to take, please, think about what the consequences could be the next time you have sex, children are not disposable, even with protection you can create a life. Until you are in a marriage with a man that you want to raise a family with, no more sex, please....

Answer 3

You do need to talk to a therapist at the minimum. There are implications for both you and your son, and you need to be prepared for those before you even take steps towards adoption. Make sure you speak with a therapist who is an expert at adoption issues. You can contact Brenda at www.openadoptioninsight.org for help in finding someone trustworthy near you.

As for your family, this is where a therapist may be of assistance too. Your family can't have their cake and eat it too, either they are willing to commit to you and this child or they are not. You're apparently a single Mom and struggling, you need family support. If they want your son in their lives, they need to step up to the plate.

I would also look at CUB (Concerned United Birthparents). They have an email list where you will likely find resources for helping you parent, as well as a wonderful booklet about what you should know before considering adoption.

There are plenty of women married or not, depressed or not, parents by choice or not, who feel just how you feel. So try not to beat yourself up for it too much. See what resources you can find to help you get through the tough times, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Answer 4

This may sound lame, but I can really sympathize with what you're going through. I was 22 when my son was born, and I spent most of his first couple of years being resentful of all the things I was missing because I had a baby to haul around. Now he's 8, and I'll tell you, life gets easier and more fun when your child gets older. The first years are the hardest - your baby depends on you for everything and it gets overwhelming really fast.

I can also tell you what his life could be like if you do give him up, because I was given up for adoption when I was little. I was adopted into a good family, but I always had questions about who my birth parents were and why they gave me up. When he grows up, he may come looking for you. Are you prepeared to tell him that you gave him up because you would rather party all night than take care of him?

You don't have to be the perfect parent! Goodness knows I haven't been. Tell your mom that she can either babysit her grandson or see him disappear from her life. Find a counselor or clergy person to talk to about your frustrations. And enjoy the magical moments of your son's growing up years!

Answer 5

this is the hardest decision that you will probably make in your entire life...but rest assured at least you are somewhat thinking about him and not just yourself! I have been in your situation, well not with the parents / family you have! It is hard to give up a child and it's something that you need to do for yourself. Maybe the reasons you are giving aren't the best examples as you had the sex and now you are missing your old life! I miss mine too, but wouldn't give up all the hugs / kisses / and mud pies for the world! Good luck in your decision...but make sure you are doing it for him and not you! He didn't ask to be brought into this world...in a way...you did

Answer 6

Listen, I really think you should speak with your family and come to some type of agreement with them to see who could take your son until you see someone about POST PARTUM DEPRESSION. I know what your going through because I had the same feelings after I had my son. I got my family to help me and was able to work out my feelings and choose to keep him. He is now 9 years old and a great kid, it's really only difficult for a short period of time and when they get a little older it's great because you actually find yourself doing the same fun things you used to do when you were a kid. I you give him up without trying to work through your feelings first you may regret your decision. In the end after seeking some counselling if you still feel the same way then at least you will have done all you could do to make a wise decision. If your family cares so much about what you choose to do they wont have a problem helping you with this. In the end the decision is yours just seek help ASAP so that your son is still young enough to connect with another family should you ultimately choose to give him up.
Good luck with this, in the end im sure you will make a wise decision.......

Answer 7

The decision is up to you - but if you continue to feel disconnected as the child grows older he will sense that disconnect. You also don't want to resent your son. I would ask those in your family to adopt him and if no one is willing then decide after you know that. I know that many people would love to adopt your son and give him a home with parents who love him more than anything else. My husband and I are hoping to adopt and have our home study so if you would like to speak to a family, feel free to contact me (we would like an open adoption). I also know a few different families who would also be interested. I hope it works out for you!! My email is [e-mail]

Answer 8

Give him up. If you are honestly considering it after caring for him for over 2 months, then you are not equipped to be a mother right now. DON'T LET YOUR MOM INFLUENCE YOU! It's your baby and your life. Give him the life he deserves. Youre obviously not ready to be a parent, but there are a million people who are and would gladly give him a loving home.

It's not selfish of you. It's actually the most unselfish thing you can do. And your mother has no room to ***** about it if she can't even babysit. Our neighbors adopted their son in an open adoption and it's a wonderful arrangement for everyone. Whatever you do, good luck to you.

Answer 9

Sweetheart, having and raising a baby is a very HUGE responsibility. You are of age to do what you want with your life. You must do what is best for you.........your parents are not living in your shoes are they? I understand your Mothers feelings regarding this baby. Maybe you could ask her to adopt the baby and then that way he can stay in the family. Remember.........there is always a "lid to a pot". That means, there is always an answer to a problem. You are not a teenager and you are adult enough to make this huge decision. I would, however, give you this advice. If you adopt this baby out to a family, make sure you can CONTACT them to see how your baby is growing and thriving. I commend you on having the baby........the hard part is to come. I will certainly pray for you :) Blessings, Donna

Answer 10

Do what you think is best for your child, don't let anyone guilt you into what they want you to do!
I would first speak with a counselor, and if you are still considering adoption, you can speak with a reputable adoption agencey without any obligation to place the child.
Maybe find a forum/ support group for single mothers or birthmothers for advice and support.
Good luck in your decision.