I have a 5 yr old son. I need to know the HUGE benefits of praising a child for good behavior.?

Question

My boyfriend is in strong belief that it is more benificial to punish when bad happens rather than praise for the good. I cant seem to find the words to explain how great it is for the child to get praised for Good behavior. I dont want my son to grow up with this complex that everything he does is not good enough or is bad. Does anyone know of any great websites that list the development of a 5 yr old or just explaining how great praise is.
Thanks for the advice.

Answer 1

This is an excerpt from a BabyCenter/ParentCenter article on dicipline (The discipline tool kit: Successful strategies for every age)

Here's the link for all of it:
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/toddler/toddlerbehavior/1475318.html

"Tool: Try reverse rewards
Age: 3 to 8 years
How it works: Take a page from teachers everywhere — kids respond much better to positive reinforcement than to reproach and punishment. And they also like structure and clear expectations. Ruth Peters, the clinical psychologist in Clearwater, Florida, advises parents to take advantage of these qualities by setting up a system of rewards. You can make this system even more effective by reversing the usual rules — instead of giving rewards for good behavior, take them away for bad behavior.

Real-life application: Put a few things your child loves — these could be a Hershey's kiss, a new colored pencil, and a card good for an extra bedtime story — in a jar or box as the day's rewards. Then draw three smiley faces on a piece of paper and tape it to the jar. If your child breaks a rule or otherwise misbehaves, you cross out a smiley face and one treat disappears from the jar. An hour or so before bedtime, you give your child everything that remains.



The tools: Grade-schoolers
Tool: Teach consequences
Age: 5 to 8 years
How it works: We want our children to make the right choices — finish their homework before they turn on the TV, for example, or not play ball in the house. But when they don't, what do we do?

To handle problem behaviors, involve your child in finding a solution, says Harvard professor Dan Kindlon. For example, if he doesn't finish the night's homework, he may decide to wake up earlier the next morning to do it. Because this isn't a great long-term solution, make a plan for the future together: Does he want to do his homework before going out to play, or does he want to set aside time in the evening?

If he's been part of the planning process, it'll be a lot harder for your child to pretend he just "forgot." But be consistent in enforcing limits — if the plan is to finish homework after dinner, it must be finished before the TV goes on.

Real-life application: Your 7-year-old breaks a lamp throwing a ball in the house. Instead of scolding him by saying that he wasn't supposed to be doing this in the first place, tell him it's up to him to fix his mistake. Have him glue the lamp back together if he can — if not, he can do extra chores to earn enough for a new lamp."

Good Luck!

Answer 2

When a child is raised with praise for the good things that he does, it develops a sense of pride in having done a good job or having done the right thing the right way.

positive reinforcement of correct actions helps to direct a child toward behaviors and actions that are GOOD.

When the only feedback a child receives is negative, meaning they only hear from you when they do the wrong thing, they develop a sense of frustration and worthlessness that stems from believing they can't do anything right in your eyes since you only mention bad things that they do.

There is a HUGE difference in praising a child legitimately for things they have done and simply lavishing words over them that are not only undeserved, but untrue. False praise causes more problems than negativity alone. it leads to an arrogance that can make a child believe that they don't have to obey the rules and that they are better than other people.

you didn't say whether your son also belongs to the boyfriend or if he is someone else's child.

chances are, if the boyfriend only remarks on the child's bad or poor behavior or choices, he is doing the same thing to you when you do something that the boyfriend doesn't like.

Real, deserved POSITIVE reinforcement not only cements the bonds of love between parent and child, it helps to creat and foster a relationship of trust - they know that you will TELL THEM THE TRUTH both when they do poorly AND when they do well.

If the boyfriend is unwilling to change, and if he doesn't have to be in the picture, I would recommend that you are better off without the negative influence.

Answer 3

It's important to tell a 5 yr old what he's doing wrong and why. It gives them a better understanding from your point of view other than just, "Because I said so." mentality. You need to correct your child when they're doing something wrong, but also praise them when they do things the way you've asked them to. It's kind of a catch 22, so you need to deal w/ whatever matter arises and do what you feel is necessary to ensure that your child feels the acknowledgement and priase that he desires from his parents as well as an understanding as to why their action(s) is not proper.

Answer 4

Just saying "that was a good job" will boost your child's self confidence. I think this is very important in child development. You may check our parentcenter.com for more tips and infos.

And punishment is not bad at all, as long as a proper explanation for why there was even a punishment is explained afterwards.

YES, please do praise the child. it will make them more confident, raise their self esteem and believe in themselves. I guess these makes for happy children.

Answer 5

All it takes is a simple "Good Job" or " I'm very proud of you" tells them that they should do those actions more often, but it is also beneficial to tell them when they are doing something they are not supposed to do. Praising your child help boost their self-esteem and makes them WANT to help you! If they feel you always say they're doing something wrong they may feel neglected and unwanted because they may be of no help (as they think) HOPE I COULD HELP! GOOD LUCK! :)

Answer 6

5 year olds need to learn the difference between right and wrong and what better than to praise them for good and punish them for bad.

If you only "pay attention" to them (i.e. punishment for bad behavior) then what you essentially do is set yourself up for a "bad boy".

When you praise for the good, your son will learn that if I do go I get a reward and when I do bad, I get punished. Hopefully this will encourage him to do good more often than bad......

Good luck!

Answer 7

Focusing on the positive rather than the negative
will help your child build self-esteem. He will
strive to do things to please you. Constant
critism will lower his self-esteem and soon he'll
think he isn't good enough to deserve nice things.
Tell your boyfriend to knock off the put downs or
take a hike. He sounds like a very negative person to me.

Answer 8

Simply because children crave attention and they will do whatver it takes to get as much of it as possible. Any attention will do, of course they prefer positive attention but they will take whatever they can get.
So it is far better to give attention for being good and ignore the bad, than to give attention for naughtiness and ignore good behaviour.

Answer 9

If all you do is punish him for being bad and don;t acknowledge the good he does...he'll start too act out for negative attention when he wants attention...if you give him positive attention, he'll be more likely to do good things when he wants you attention