What Cause A 4 1/2 Year Old To Take Up Telling Fibs? They Sound So Real!?

Question

I don't know what to do. I picked my child up from daycare, upon driving home she told me," She wasn't going back!"
When asked,"Why?" She had told me in so real detail that one of the care giver spanked 3xs on the backside because she won't lay down at nap time!
I confronted the day care person in charge to find out my child had lied and the person that was to have struck her wasn't even present at that time!
Now I'm left with questions - Why?
How can it be so real when told to me by my child, she was so upset when she told me!
Please help me out! Why, how can I stop more fibs out of her mouth?
What kind of action should I take for this fib she told?
At loss for words, I feel so bad for Day and I'm sorry I ever confronted them, but I needed to.
I owe this as a parent to protect my child, as I thought best. Was I wrong to even ask them about the spankings?
Is telling fibs normal at this age? This is the first that I know of from my child.
Thank you

Thanks everyone, so helpful. Don't feel so alone after reading all messages.
isisrocca82- Thanks, but the things is this is her first time at this daycare. She wanted to go so bad. (As been at one for 3 mths in other town I lived in. She see me all the time, but the only child (other 2 are in thier 30xs)I felt she needs to be with more kids.
What gets me is she sticks to this story, even in her own words (Not mine) told head caregiver same story!
This is where I can't tell right from wrong.
Now the one lady who wasn't even there at this given time WAS THERE when I picked up my child. I SAW HER. When told caregiver I saw her. She told me,"Oh she came in later on!"

Answer 1

if she told you and was that upset then there is definatley somthing wrong wether she did get spanked on that day or a different day . if you do not like your child being punished then maybe she knows this and is fibbing to get one of the daycare workers in trouble . I say believe your child and find out what is wrrong by asking her questions like why don't you like day care any more ? is there some one hurting you or being mean to you or is there a teacher who is not very nice to you ? by asking questions you can eliminate the wrong reasons and get to the right rreason and if your daughter knows that she can come to you and you will be real and honest with her then she will probably come right out and tell you what is going on . also if you let her know that she is not in trouble then she will probably tell you right off the bat what is going on I would not worry to much about the teachers getting mad because they are probably just as concearned as you are and with the line of work they are in believe me whe n I say that this is not new to them so relax take a deep breath all will be ok and yes this is normal kids will try to clear the air any way possible

Answer 2

Here's the good news- she has a fantastic imagination and fibbing shows intelligence. Here's the bad news - she has a fantastic imagination and fibbing shows intelligence.

Due to the type of fib she may be looking for attention - even if it ends up being negative attention. She may tell you she knows lying is bad, but until 5 or 6 kids really don't get it.

Here is an article from BabyCenter on lying and what to do about it at this age - Lying: Why it happens and what to do about it
http://parentcenter.babycenter.com/refcap/preschooler/pbehavior/65462.html

Take care - you'll get through this.

Answer 3

If you know she is fibbing for sure, you need to have a talk with your daughter about truth and honesty. (What it is and why it's important.)

Don't feel bad for confronting the daycare! You did your job as a parent!

This is not so uncommon for children. Do you work long hours? Have you not seen her as much lately? What has changed with her routine? Many times just spending a little more "Mommy & Daddy" time will stop this.

And, I also always reccomend finding a book that has an "actions and consiquenses" plot. She'll get a better understanding of what you are trying to teach her.

Good luck!

Answer 4

This is perfectly normal behavior for this age. Children often make up stories just for attention. For example my 4 year old son told my husband one day that I told him I was never taking him to Tae Kwon Do ever again because he was bad that day...first of all I would never say he was bad and he had a really great day, and second when he IS in trouble he goes to Tae Kwon Do and has to sit out and watch everyone else. He just said it to get attention from Dad at the end of the day. You shouldn't be embarrased to ask about these fibs, since you never know when they might actually be true. Just be sure to tell them that your child told them this story and you just were double checking that is in fact just a story he made up...they will understand. I also have an almost 5 year old in my in-home daycare that told me the funniest "story" just today...we were at the park and he said, "I was at the park last Saturday and I kicked a baby bird and it was mad so it sucked my blood and ate my bones and heart" now I must add that this is a wonderful little boy and he was just making things up to have something interesting to say. The best remedy for this behavior is to just be attentive and correct her when she fibs...say something along the lines of "If you don't tell the truth then people don't believe you when you really need them to...or it hurts peoples feelings when you tell fibs, you need to tell what really happened"

Answer 5

I have a 9 year old son, and he went through this stage. He is very imaginative and intelligent. He too had imaginary friends and still partakes in the "role play" style of playing. He is also an only child and I feel he compensates role play for the lack of playmates. We have always told him that nothing is too big or bad to tell us. We will always listen without judging and then distribute the punishment depending on the severity of what he did wrong. We have stressed that by telling the truth, his punishment will not be as harsh as it would be for us to find out he was lying. When your son does tell you the truth, try to relate to him. Let him know that you went through the same thing when you were a kid. Let him know that we don't always make the right decisions regarding our actions, but that it is important to learn from them. Our children want nothing more than to please us and make us proud. So, praise him for telling the truth, but at the same time you will still need to set punishment rules. If the punishment is time out in the corner (or what ever); after it is over give him a hug and let him know that you still love him regardless.

Answer 6

Hi,
First off you did nothing wrong confronting the daycare and you shouldnt feel bad about doing it. I know kids do tell stories and fib at this age but if she said something like that and she really didnt want to go back i would check into it a little more to be honest. I have heard way too many stories about daycares that have a great reputation and things happen like this..
Maybe she didnt get spanked but maybe something else happened and she just used the spank as a cover for whatever happened. I would talk to her about her day at daycare and have her tell you what she did and watch her expressions on her face to see if she gets a scared look at any part.
Another thing i would tell her is that you wont be mad if anything did happen but you just need to know what really did happen, if she still sticks to this story then i would check on it, It could have happened another day when the women was there and she just didnt tell you until now cause she wasnt ready..
I have been in a similar situation and my daughter had to go to her fathers for visitation, She told me he hit her and i confronted him on this and his family cause it was supersivised by them and everyone said nothing happened. Well i contacted social services and they looked into it and come to find out he did hit her and was lyeing to me and the whole family was..
When a child at that age is really upset about something like that i would take it really seriously and not let it go. Check and make sure that they have never had any other kind of problem with that daycare in the past. Its different in every state how you go about this but i would contact social services, or the authorities cause your only protecting your child and they look highly of this and even if it does come out to be a fib, It wont look bad.

To be totally honest with you i would really check it out and even if you have to go in there again and again. Make sure your child is safe. I would believe something is going on there.

I really wish you alot of luck with this and I think it is great that you are protecting your child, there is nothing to be ashamed of by going there, Remember that!!

Answer 7

First of all, do not discredit your child at all!

Almost everyone tells lies from time to time for a variety of reasons, from avoiding hurting someone else’s feelings to getting out of an awkward situation. There are many reasons why children may not tell the truth.

Before you react, it is important to understand the reasons behind why your child might lie. Three- to four-year-olds are learning that other people don’t know what they are thinking. Children of this age have a very strong imagination and enjoy practising their new knowledge and skills so they often test it out by telling ‘stories’, e.g. ‘The big bad wolf did it’. It is normal for young children to blame someone else or make up a story.

Reasons why children lie:

1. They are young, and children of their age do not yet understood the difference between truth and untruth and right or wrong.
2. Fear of punishment or fear of losing their parents’ affection.
3. Having low self-esteem and wanting to make themselves sound better.
4. To impress their friends and be accepted in the group.
5. Sometimes that is how it really seems – they believe that what they are saying is true.
6. Copying other people in the family who tell lies. Parents might say that lying is wrong but not always tell the truth themselves, e.g. when someone is at the door and a parent says to the child, ‘Tell them I am not at home’.
7. Wishing – sometimes children will say what they wish was true. For example, ‘My dad always takes me to the football game’ when in reality he doesn't.

Try not to get into a battle about telling the truth. Teach children why it is important to tell the truth, e.g. ‘When people tell us the truth it helps us to trust them’. Let them know that in your family it is safe to tell the truth; that you will not be very angry if something wrong has happened. You know children are still learning how to do things right.

For younger children, teach the difference between truth and fantasy, e.g. ‘That was a good story’ or ‘I can see you make up lovely stories, perhaps we can write them down to keep’.

If you think your child is afraid of punishment, talk with him about other ways that you will deal with mistakes so that he knows not to be afraid to be honest. It is far better to diffuse a stiuation than to punish the child. Don’t label your child ‘a liar’ because labels tend to encourage the kind of behaviour that you don’t want. Notice when children tell the truth and let them know that you are pleased.

Now, back to not discrediting your child. If you child was visably upset over the situation, there very well could be some truth in what they told you and you did right by confronting the daycare.

Do not always belive the daycare is in the right as I have seen for myself mistakes that daycare's have done or overlooked and tried to place blame elsewhere....after all, who is going to belive a 4 1/2 year old over an adult?

My suggestion is to "pop- in" to the daycare unanounced at different times of the day and or week to observe what goes on in your child's class. You may find many things such as disciplinary actions not condusive to your childs best interest or your child acting out as they are not the center of attention anymore like they once were at home, or other situatons that the daycare may not be informing you about. Popping in works to your advantage period!

You have every legal right to question the ethics of the daycare center and its employees. Also check the Better Business Bureau and Chamber of Commerce as to the history and background of this particular daycare.

Your relationship with your children and the trust that is built is far more important so don't be too quick to blame your child. Do some research and talk with your child.

Answer 8

Pay an unexpected visit to the day care in a few days--tell them you got off work early or something. I did that and found my daughter sitting in the "Kiddy Corral" watching soap operas. Needless to say, we didn't go back.

Something is bothering your child. Maybe she saw them spank another child and she doesn't want it to happen to her. Maybe you just need to find another day care. Ask her if that would make her feel better. If her answer is yes, there's something going on there. Little children seldom lie. Good luck with this.

Answer 9

First of all, make sure that the daycare isn't lying to you. Maybe your daughter is telling the truth and they don't want to admit what they did. Don't give up on believing your child just yet. Its important to keep that trust of "Mommy protects me".

Second, if you do determine she is lying...call her on it. Ask her why. Don't just immediately punish, calmly discuss why - find the reason. Often it is to get attention when they feel ignored.

Answer 10

i understand where youre coming from, my 4 yr old tells me her day care doesnt feed her, etc.
children this young cannot tell fact from imagination. you did the right thing asking. better safe than sorry. do some reseearch on this, it will help you understand the development of childrens brain and reasoning skills.
good luck.