my friends marrying her abusive boyfreind! help!!?

Question

My best friend is in high school and she has a bf in college.they have been dating,off and on,for 3.5 years now. and she claims they used to have a really good realtionship.but now he emotionally abuses her and it kills me.and hes not afraid to grab her.he tells her who she can hang out with and stuff.she claims shes in love with him but I dont think she is.she just trys to avoid the subject. shes not a fool like this story makes her sound, shes well known, sweet,pretty and gets really good grades.when i talked to her today she showed me that she is engaged.shes probubly going to end up saying yes.maybe its all she knows but i no of so many guys who would date her and be good to her.she deserves a lot better. I tell her that and she just sticks with him.i dont want her to get mad at me. please i dont know how to help her.i love her to death.i dont know if i should just be there for her.or stop her.. real advice.

Answer 1

Secretly set her up with the cutest available nice man for her...
and have him bring her flowers and stuff. And maybe she will
dump the no good man she plan to marry to.

Answer 2

The best way I've see this done, is by intervention:

(1) Gather your evidence, write down dates/time when this guy is being abusive.
(2) Write down every time she has been upset over him.
(3) Get statistics about people in abusive relationships and highlight the warning signs. Maybe a video
(3) Get her other friends together who are seeing this happen.
(4) Get family members involved if possible
(5) Make a date and time to have all of you meet up with her and provide all the evidence about this guy, this is a shock and awe technique that seems to work pretty well.

Answer 3

Just be there for her. You clearly care about her a lot, and that will do more for her than trying to convince her that she is in a bad relationship. Sometimes people get stuck in situations which they fail to see are becoming increasingly negative for them, but change cannot come from the outside. If you push her too much, you are much more likely to hurt your relationship with her than to help her see that her current boyfriend is not good for her. Stand by her, be a friend when she needs one, and support her when she needs it. That is really all you can do, and when it comes down to it, it is probably what she needs. Just because she is not responding to your concerns, it does not mean she is not listening to you. It sounds like she has a lot to work out for herself, and your continued care and support may help her make the right decision in the end, and when she makes a final decision, the two of you may be that much closer because of your friendship during these times. Good luck.

Answer 4

If she is your friend you should definitely say how you feel. Tell her that you are concerned for her. You just have to prepare yourself that she may not take your advice...and you'll have to be there for her when things go wrong. That really is the best that you can do. The ultimate decision will be hers. I was in a similar situation, but involving my sister and I told her time and time again how I felt...and so did some other friends and family, but you can only SAY how you feel. The rest is up to them.

Answer 5

The girl's parents ought to know of her situation, you should tell them about the way he treats her. Or tell a guidance counselor, someone who can intervene and help her before it is too late. Many times those in abusive relationships are completely aware of their situation but just cannot leave the person and need help because they need to get stronger. Be a good friend and tell her parents/an adult you can trust that can help her.

Answer 6

Do try to help her. Even if it means she might get mad at you, get all her friends, her family, and her school counselor to talk to her about it. Ask your school counselor for reading material on abusive relationships. Here is a website to get you started:
http://www.recovery-man.com/abusive/abusive.htm
She might not like you for a while if you get all her friends and family to talk to her about it, but the most important thing is that she come around to see the relationship for what it is. If he is that controlling now, he will be even more so when they are married. Good luck!

Answer 7

Damn, I was in the same boat, i had a friend who was dating someone like that too. Anyways, why dont you just tell your friend how you feel about her boyfriend. Let her know that you dont like how he treats you and that you would feel alot better if she broke up with him and found someone else to go out with. If that doesnt work then try explaining whatever else comes to mind. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Your friend is making a mistake if she marries this guy. They only get worse. I had a friend in the same situation. He didn't want her to talk to friends me included and I was the one that introduced them. They got married and things got worse. She finally divorced him and found a really nice guy. But our friendship suffered. Just be there for her to pick up the pieces when it falls apart.

Answer 9

I think all you can do is talk to her if she doesn't listen then there is nothing else you can do besides pray that god will intervene and help her to open her eyes and see that she can do better. that is all you can do. She is old enough to make her own decisions and she will have to learn from her mistakes. but only she can see that and know one else can do it for her. She has to want too.I wish you and your friend good luck and i hope she see's the real him before it is too late

Answer 10

unfortunately for you there really isn't much you can do for your friend but be there to give her support when she needs it, if you try to open her eyes she's probably going to think your just jealous, we all have to learn from out mistakes and even though she may learn the hard way all you can do is tell her how you feel but at the same time show her your friendship is unconditional.