my boyfriend and i have been together for about three and a half years. we have a beautiful 7 month old daughter. we have talked about marriage many times, then all of a sudden he says no more of it. he has told me that he has put a down payment on a ring and looked and did all of this. this was 7 months ago. now when i bring it up he kind of shys away from it. when he brings it up however, he says that he wants to and what not. why am i getting mixed signals? is he just leading me on? will we ever actually tie the knot? please help me!
2007-03-19 07:53:46 · 23 answers · asked by glitterglam369 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He's being the average man. He doesn't know what he wants yet. It's not that he doesn't love you, its just that he isn't sure that he is ready to settle down. When males think about settling down, they think they have to go to work to put food on the table, and stop hanging out with the guys. They see it as a new life, and some guys are just afraid of that kind of change, and they're afraid of what kind of change it will be. It's nothing to worry about, it's him being a man.
2007-03-19 07:59:51 · answer #1 · answered by browneyesoxx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is - don't bring the subject up any more. If it is becoming a subject that creates conflict between the two of you is not worth bringing it up all the time. If you have already asked and he's said he wants to marry you, then just wait and see. He COULD be lying - who knows or he COULD be serous.
Don't touch the subject at all. Even if it kills you. Go on about your business just if like you guys were not compromised. He will either have to open his eyes and see he's taking a huge risk by waiting so darn long or break down with the truth, whatever that might be.
But girl, let me tell you this... if he is full of crap and has been leading you on to believe he wants to get married and he is not being sincere, prepare for the worse because one of two things is going to happen: you will either have to accept him in your life without being married or leave him.
Good Luck.
2007-03-19 15:05:40 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have a problem and frankly it started when you two had sex and brought a kid into the world without a two parent commitment. Now you are in the unfortunate position of trying to back pedal into this whole marriage thing. If he is being wish washy, I am hoping that the only reminder you need to make to him is that the two of you were certainly mature enough to make a kid so now for the kid's sake the two of you need to make a commitment.... as in marriage. If for no other reason, the kid deserves that. And if he gives you this whole thing about ya don't have to me married to have a commitment, then tell him you certainly do, because by marrying you are in essence promising to love and cherish for ever......which is not the way it is now, which is, I will love and cherish till it becomes inconvenient, then I am gone. Nope...I know it sounds like a broken record but why should the kid have to suffer thru a one parent home if he decides after making a kid that this whole situation is inconvenient for him...You need to talk now!
Good Luck!
2007-03-19 15:07:47 · answer #3 · answered by chcman74 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is trying to surprise you with a wedding, I say wait awhile and don't mention marriage for oh 6 monthes to 1 year if nothing happens, ask him what ever happened to us getting married and if he still shys away from the subject and really has no intension on marriage , give him an altamaton either marriage or leave, he shoyld then either marry you or leave and if he leaves- then he was really not the right one for you- it'll be hard i know but it'll be for the better in the long run. Or you can just live together for the rest of your lives not as husband and wife but that's not really a comitted relasonship
2007-03-19 15:05:57 · answer #4 · answered by momma 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sound like a guy with a lot on his mind and if he has put a down payment on a ring..... have you thought that maybe he want to be able to have the ring in hand and paid for first before diving in to final plans.....a new baby is never easy on the pocket book.....sometimes it is hard to think about something you may be paying for for a long time when fund are so tied up....give it time ....you child is the ultimate bond the ring and ceremony is only a show.
2007-03-19 15:05:32 · answer #5 · answered by allidsaregone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give him a year to decide or propose. If you are in love with him then why not stay with him. Some guys take longer doing this process than others. He may also be waiting to pay the ring off before proposing. Just give the guy some time.
2007-03-19 15:00:58 · answer #6 · answered by Jayne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like he's going anywhere. Sometimes men need a push. I was with my fiance for 5 years and we talked about it and almost the same thing...he looked at rings etc...Is marriage really important to you? If it is, you may need to bring it up again and possibly go out with him and pick out a ring. That's what we ended up doing.
2007-03-19 15:00:07 · answer #7 · answered by ljoc421 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess it's too late to ask why you didn't get married before the birth of your daughter? It sounds to me like he has decided not to make a permanent commitment to you and his child. This is not something that you can force him into doing. You need to sit him down and both of you discuss your feelings and plans for the future. Like the old saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free."
You've allowed this situation to go on for many years and now you want to change it by "getting married." Why would he want too?
2007-03-19 15:10:30 · answer #8 · answered by riverrat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hun you have given him the cow, the milk, and the baby calf. Basically now you are on his time because you have given him your all. I hate to say it, but you have allowed and you have put yourself in a bad situation. If you want to marry him all you cand do is wait and see what he's going to do. But if you are strong and confident I would suggest that you tell him that you are no longer going to wait. Telling that you are ready to be married and that you are not going to settle for a relationship that is "convenient" for him but not pleasing for you. You may end up alone, but think about it, are you really happy living this way?
2007-03-19 15:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by veronica r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mixed signals are just that . they are not sure what they want so they dont give you the full response that they know will bring a reaction,or make you think one way or the other. just be patient and let it play out .if you force the issue,they still wont be sure, or worse become more un sure.
2007-03-19 15:00:33 · answer #10 · answered by knowwatimean07 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋