My best friend is in high school and she has a bf in college.they have been dating,off and on,for 3.5 years now. and she claims they used to have a really good realtionship.but now he emotionally abuses her and it kills me.and hes not afraid to grab her.he tells her who she can hang out with and stuff.she claims shes in love with him but I dont think she is.she just trys to avoid the subject. shes not a fool like this story makes her sound, shes well known, sweet,pretty and gets really good grades.when i talked to her today she showed me that she is engaged.shes probubly going to end up saying yes.maybe its all she knows but i no of so many guys who would date her and be good to her.she deserves a lot better. I tell her that and she just sticks with him.i dont want her to get mad at me. please i dont know how to help her.i love her to death.i dont know if i should just be there for her.or stop her.. real advice.
2007-03-19 07:46:19 · 15 answers · asked by ryanssdfisufd 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Honestly if you really want to be her friend and you have already tried and she doesnt reciprocate all you can do is be there for her and wait for her to open her eyes. the more u keep pushing you may possibly ruin your friendship.
2007-03-19 07:51:43 · answer #1 · answered by carolina gyrl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my! Since you know her history and you guys have been friends for a long time, one or two things are going to happen. You can either speak up at the ceremony, no matter how rude that sounds, and she can be mad at you (which is her choice) OR she's going to wind up with cuts and bruises all over her. There's not an easy way around this or an easy out. If he's emotionally abusive, it will turn physical. I've lived through and seen it. (The physical stopped before it got started). He has issues for being the way he is, and he might have her so convinced that he's "the one" for her that she whole heartedly believes it. Go with what you know and how you feel. Let others in on the situation, friends, family whomever and ones who get along with her but don't know. That way you are't alone in the discouraging of the situation. It'll get worse before it gets better, keep me posted!!
2007-03-19 07:53:36 · answer #2 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you've already talked to her and she isn't listening and you seriously think she is being abused then you need to go to her family and make them aware. It sounds a lot like tattling but in the long run it might save her self worth and the cost of an expensive and nasty divorce not to mention the orders of protection she would file for. Even after doing this if she still feels it is the right choice for her then all you can do is stand by her and keep in contact no matter what. Someday she will figure it out and will need you to help her get out, but you need to voice your concerns to her directly first.
2007-03-19 07:51:45 · answer #3 · answered by kauai_lvr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe some thing that somebody else pronounced above. She appears like she likes the drama and she or he likes to ***** approximately it and she or he would not extremely need to get her existence at the same time. I extremely have a chum who's sort of like this. She is in a relationship with an abusive guy and she or he's continually calling me crying and asserting that she is going to leave him, yet she in no way does and the drama basically is going on and on. I used to get in a panic and leap everywhere in the placement and attempt to help her out, now whilst she calls I basically tell her i'm sorry and that i desire issues get extra perfect for her. whilst she asks me what she ought to try this's as quickly as I elevate each and all of the ultimatums that I extremely have given her for months and that i'm basically waiting for her to make the final determination. and that's what it comes right down to, it is all in effortless terms a waiting sport and in specific circumstances they only in no way strengthen up, yet i'm going to be there for her as terrific i will. i won't be able to tell her what to do and you will't tell your buddy what to do the two. all of us have a sort of friends, that's, a guy or woman who might nicely be plenty extra perfect than what they think of they're, yet they're the only ones who can see that, and in specific circumstances they in no way do. that's gloomy, yet genuine. somebody else suggested a existence counselor, that's an impressive thought, provided which you will comply with get her to circulate.
2016-10-02 09:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by rollman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know its hard seeing some one you care about in a bad relationship, but you have to understand that its her choice. Besides the more people tell her to leave him the more she will stay with him.
Its the way some girls are ( i know I used to be one)
Back in High School I was in a HORRIBLE relationship and everyone tried to get me out of it but the more they tried the more I would cling on till one day I realized that he was a real bad person and I left. Now I am married to the most wonderful man ever!!
I'm think you are going to have to let her find out on her own.
but it wouldn't hurt to sit her down and tell her:
"I know you think you love ___ but think about how he treats you. Could you see yourself living with that for the rest of your life?" then let go of it. She might not seem to get it then and there but your words will come back to her till she will finally get it.
Don't bring it up because she might even lash out at you. She will decide and if she still marries him then you have to accept her decisions as her best friend. :)
Life is hard but remember she has to live her own life~
2007-03-19 08:00:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend you love her and care about her and you think this would not be a very good thing for her to do. Tell her you are not trying to get between the two but you do not like the way that dude treats your friend. If that doesn't work then talk to your friend's man and tell him he best be good to her. If they get married remember to tell her you and the police are just a phone call away.
2007-03-19 07:52:41 · answer #6 · answered by DiscoBiscuit! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd first discuss this with her parents - and then with her personally. If she refuses to discuss it with you, casually mention you may report him to the authorities (she's in HS? Not 18 yet? Statutory rape. Worse, she's being abused. Come on) if need be.
She'll probably listen. I'd stop her, because sometimes girls like herself - while intelligent and sharp as a tack - have problems when it comes to relationships. They allow themselves to be walked on, because the abuser has brought them down so low in self-esteem they don't think they can ever be with anyone else.
Help her.
2007-03-19 07:52:24 · answer #7 · answered by MBE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only thing i can say is that you shouldnt push her to leave him... if she says that she LOVES him then there will be no changing her mind on the subject... all you can do is hope for the best and be there for her when she realizes the mistake she has made or when things are to hard for her to handle... however it would not be bad to let someone she is really close know about the situation.
hope everything works out!
2007-03-19 08:01:01 · answer #8 · answered by starr_love19 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get her to read up on abusive relationships. They all start by being controlling. Remind her that it's not her fault what he does and that she has not done anything to deserve what he does to her. Get some advise from an abuse counsellor and see if you can help her before she does make this mistake.
2007-03-19 07:51:34 · answer #9 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her about the real stories which women r living sad all their lifes because their husbands hurt them ,treat them bad,cheating them,and hurt them physically too, make her watch a movies show these stories,or shows like dr phil show .....and tell her that she deserve better than these guy....that's the role of friends make them survive when they almost go drawn .......good luck gurl ..u r a nice friend
2007-03-19 08:00:06 · answer #10 · answered by batt00ta 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋