my parents do not except us help....?

Question

my parents hate my b/f, we have had some rocky times and i made the mistake and told them. i thought my mom wanted a close relationship with me but she never trys to understand were im coming from. i understand that they want whats best for me and want me to be happy. im 19 and have been with my b/f for 2 and a half years. we have been having problems, and he kissed another girl, i was ferious but i forgave him a month later after making him feel like nothing, i love him and i know he loves me. my mom said she would never give me permission to marry him that she would not be there!!! i dont know what to do, i love him and want to spend forever with him but i love my parents,...he messed up ive messed up but im not going to let him go, people make mistakes, if i cheated on him and wanted him back my mom would let me so whats the differance? any advice

please no saying he's a looser, this isnt about him it's about my parents....

im in college, and live on my own without him. we arent getting married anytime soon.

Answer 1

She is just looking out for you -- her daughter. If he already cheated on you, he will probably do it again after you are married. 19 is WAY too young to think about marriage - especially after only 2 1/2 years together, AND he already cheated at least once. You only caught him once!

He may not be a loser, but he is a male. If he can't be faithful now, he may never be able to.

Answer 2

First of all are your parents paying for your education? If they are then they do have a say in your life. Secondly, if you have had a rocky relationship for the past 21/2 years then as a parent I would be upset also. No parent likes it when someone treats their child bad or hurts them and to expect them to act otherwise is stupid. You should keep a close relationship with your mother but some things you need to keep to yourself. If you have told your parents bad things about him then it is your fault they do not like him. You took him back after a month but I bet the hurt is still there don't blame your mom from trying to protect you instead, be happy you have a mom who really loves and cares for you. I know people who would trade place with you in an instant.

Answer 3

If you want to be treated differently you need to act the part and let everyone know you are a mature, responsible adult. You must have a heart to heart with your parents with no interruptions (no b/f, no phone, no tv, no excuses). Also, no accusations. Sit down at the kitchen table and explain to your parents that you are in love. You know that your b/f has made some mistakes and that you let them know about them because you were looking for support and advice and not to condemn your b/f (which was your mistake). Tell them how much they mean to you and that you would like them to give your b/f another chance, because you have chosen to. Explain to them that you have not decided to get married yet or anything that drastic but that you cannot picture having to choose between them and him and ask them not to make you do something like that. If you act like a mature adult during this conversation and stay calm and not make childish accusations or something like that, then your parents should be able to see your side and give him and your relationship another chance. Our parents cannot make the decision as to who we marry or fall in love with, but you need to let your parents know that you understand that their opinons are based on wanting the best for you and that they have reservations about this b/f. If possible ask what their reservations or concerns about him are and then address them. And you are right, we all make mistakes and deserve a second chance sometimes. Ask your parents if they ever did something during dating or the early part of their marriage that maybe wasn't so great (tell them they don't have to tell you, just think about it). Also tell them you will give them some time to think about what you've said and then you can talk about the issues some more. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 4

me and my wife had the same problem with her parents when we wre going out. but you know what we are happier than ever now married for 6 years and have three beautiful daughters. i say if it's meant to be it will be. ypur parents love you and just want the best for you but sometimes they will have a hard time accepting your decisions but then the day is done there still be your parents and he'll still be your love of your life believe me in time they will respect your decisions. oh yea and believe me i don't really see your mom not going to your wedding if you get married but if you can just take it slow and ease your parents into the idea. by the way all of us get along now, come on everyone makes mistakes sometimes right. Good Luck

Answer 5

I had exactly the same problem with my mother, and it wasn't until I split up with the guy, that she started liking him! She constantly called him a loser, and refused to be there if we ever got married... Now we're not together anymore, she often says she would be happy for us to get back together!! Parents! Every guy you date would probably be a loser to your parents, as they think no guy is good for us! I think the best thing to do, is not act like you're too serious about him. Don't keep telling your parents, "I'm gonna marry him, I don't care what you think", or anything like that, as that will only make them worse. Just tell them you and he have had a serious talk and decided to cool things down a bit and be happy just being boyfriend and girlfriend. Doesn't mean you actually HAVE to be less serious. Then, over time you parent's will see you're being 'sensible' about the relationship and perhaps back off a bit. I think the problem is they think their 'little girl' is taking things too seriously... That's the problem I had with my mum. I hope that helps. I had a nightmare of a time with my ex and my mum!! Feel free to mail me thru my website if you want to talk about it.....

Katie
www.thedeviantrose.com

Answer 6

You're definitely in a hard situation. But, there are things you can try. Has your boyfriend tried talking with your parents? Maybe he owes them an apology as well. Yes he cheated on you, and you forgave him, But, he also let your parents down. You are their daughter and they only want someone who will treat their daughter well. Just like your trust was broken when he cheated on you, so was your parents trust in him. He should try talking to them in person. And if this is impossible, then he should write them a letter explaining his fault and apologizing. Other things you can try is to do positive things with your boyfriend that will boost his image as well as make you both feel closer. For instance; find a hobby together,go to church if you're religious, go to the movies on a certain day every week, go on a mini trip to somplace fun. In the mean time, try not to argue with your parents about it any longer and hopefully it will all blow over in time.

Answer 7

Wait at least 2 more years before you marry this guy. If your parents are right, that is plenty of time to figure that out. If in 2 years, you are still madly in love with this guy, get married then.
There is something your mom doesn't like about him, but it is ultimately your decision. Don't break up with him unless it is your decision and don't marry the guy unless it is something that you really want.


Good Luck!

Answer 8

Sorry, but I have to agree with the parents on this one. They want what's best for you. They see what you can't, in this case it's your jerk of a boyfriend. He kisses another girl and you forgive him?! Seriously, once a cheater, always a cheater (and that's coming from a LOT of experience, dear). Parents have a way of sensing things their kids can't. I'm not too sure how they do it, but they have that power. They know you're in a horrible relationship and want you to get rid of this guy so you can have an opportunity at finding a great guy. They want what's best for you! TRUST ME!

Answer 9

If you really do love him then you should continue to date, but you should hold off on marriage until you are a bit older. Go out and experience life. Go to college, live on your own (not with him). Experience real life as an adult...and then make a marriage decision. Maybe by then your mother will begin to see that you have stayed together through the years and she will begin to like him.

Answer 10

At some point you have to decide if it is more important to make other people happy or if it is more important to make yourself happy. If you love him and are ready to support yourself and be married, then there is nothing that your parents can do about it. If your relationship sticks throught the long haul, your parents may eventually come around.

my parents didn't approve of my fiance either. we have now been happily married for 2 years and my parents have accepted him.