My sister-in- law is having a baby shower in April. Last night she called & left a message asking when we were going to send her gift. A few hours later she text my husband and told us that there mother said that the “gift’s” have to be there for the shower and that they have to be nice and there has to be two, one from my husband and I the other from there grandparents.
I was going to get her a nice stroller that was over $100, $75 from us and $75 from the grandparents. After those messages, I feel like just sending her a bib and bottle and calling it a day, I am so mad that she would be so greedy.
When I had my first shower she insisted on buying a crib for me but never did. I had to run out a week before I had my daughter to buy one(I never did get anything) and for my 2nd shower she sent a set of baby bottles. I never asked her to get me anything and never expected it either.
Am I over reacting? Should I just suck it up and get the stroller?
2007-03-19 07:28:53 · 56 answers · asked by AzzGoodAzzItGetz 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Your sister in law needs to be more mature. You can not TELL people what to do in terms of gifts. (This is assuming that she is not really strapped for cash. If she is really tight, the baby shower may be her only way of ensuring that her baby will have all the necessary items it needs.)
I would talk to your husband - get his input as to what he would like to do.
If he says screw her, get her something nominal from the two of you and something small from the baby's grandparents. You don't want to completely sever off the relationships. Remember, she said "nice" so, you can get her a "nice" bib from you and a "nice" bottle from the grandparents.
If he insists on following her instructions to the "T", then you know that he really does love his sister. Now, it would be for you to slowly educate him on how she has been treating you. I doubt that it will really sink in immediately, but mention it to him but still buy them the expensive present. A mean sister in law is not reason enough to rock a marriage over.
Honestly though, if she has never kept her promises (like the crib story) I'm sure your husband will understand why you are annoyed at her "requests" and support whatever you decide to do.
2007-03-19 10:50:40 · answer #1 · answered by TMemories 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Tough situation. How important is this to your husband? Because your relationship with him is of the most importance, perhaps talk to him and see how he feels. The right thing to do would to be above her, even if she promised you something and never followed through. I would still get her a gift but I wouldn't go all out. You don't 'owe' her anything really and it's the thought that counts. Rather than some huge gift, why not something simple and meaningful for the baby- meaning, you're giving the gift to the baby, not her. A special blankie, a special bear, etc. Make the gift something that the baby will enjoy so that you can take your sister in law out of the equation really. A nice gift basket with colorful picture books, a blankie and a stuffed animal would be really sweet. The baby would use these things and she couldn't turn around and say you didn't get her anything. Plus, it is something thats more from your heart rather than just a stroller. Be above her, give a nice gift to the baby that YOU want the baby to have- not something that she is demanding. Being nice is the greatest way to disarm mean, greedy people. They don't know how to react. And if she's still a b$tch? Oh well. Feel sorry for her that she lives her life that way!
2007-03-19 07:39:57 · answer #2 · answered by schmidtee 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
This has to be the most selfish act I have ever heard! I think that your idea of a really nice stroller is good. Since she wants two gifts just find a stroller that the seat comes out as a car seat as well. It is a compromise. That is if you don't in fact send the bottle and bib. I think if she is going to be that bold, then you should make a conversation about how someone else had a shower and their gift from a certain someone was never even received. Use different names, but I am sure she will get the hint!
I have heard of many different things that pregnant women do that seem weird but this one takes the cake!
2007-03-19 07:37:12 · answer #3 · answered by tryin4freedom 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It's obvious that she is not as thoughtful a gift-giver as she thinks you should be. I wouldn't get her the stroller personally. Maybe a $25 gift card from some random store, if that. She's got alot of nerve being that way. Actually, I would not spend more on her than what she spent on you. Or you could tell her you're going to buy her a crib, and then never get around to doing it....(sound familiar?) ;) Or you could write her a check, and let her know that you deducted whatever amount you wound up spending on the crib she said she was going to get you. Make sure you do this in front of all of her guests at the shower. :D
2007-03-19 08:29:48 · answer #4 · answered by Souris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not overreacting! That is very selfish after giving such lousy gifts from you. I think, instead of getting the stroller you were going to buy, find a stroller that is cheaper and ask for less money from the grandparents and give less money yourself. Your idea was a wonderful one, but after hearing the things she did to you at your showers, I don't think she deserves to have so much money spent on her by you. If she says something about the gift just tell her that the grandparents didn't know what to get her and you told them to give some money to you for the present so they wouldn't have to spend a lot of time and money on the present. Or you could tel her the truth. Whichever you want to do.
2007-03-19 09:34:47 · answer #5 · answered by irishdancer502 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. I think that what your sis-in-law said WAS rude and not appropriate. In the interest of keeping the peace and not starting a family brawl, I think I would still buy a gift.... for the baby of course. Perhaps I would not splurge as much, it's your call, but I would still want to be the bigger woman and buy a nice thoughtful gift for the baby. It's hard when in-laws try to stir the pot, but you can show your maturity by not letting it turn into a huge cat fight. You have a right to be hurt and perhaps in the future this will change how you act around her, but I would try not to let this get out of hand. I am sure someone will put her in her place at some point, I just don't think now is the time.
Good luck!
2007-03-19 09:09:19 · answer #6 · answered by Somanyquestions,solittletime 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow sounds exactly like my sister and brother in-law. They are also having their shower in April. My sister never even bothered to show up to any of mine. I just had a baby in Oct and she called me to ask how much my bedding cost (my mom bought it for me) so that she could expect around the same amount from my mom. Rude. I told my husband I did not want to go to the shower or get her anything and he said this which really made me think about it. "despite who the babies parents are it still deserves gifts", and I totally agree, just because the parents are rude we should not take that out on the little baby. So I plan on going and getting her something. If I were you, although it would kill me to do it, I would buy the stroller. Think of it as a gift for the little one and not your sister in law. Good luck.
2007-03-19 08:16:46 · answer #7 · answered by ktbblb 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not overreacting!! Your sister-in-law is being incredibly selfish and greedy!! If it was me, I would not send a gift at all after those calls.
But, in the interest of family peace, try to calm down, and call her. Ask her why the gift has to be there early, and why it has to be two gifts. Maybe there is some reason, like she is just trying to out-do the other grandparents? If she is just being selfish, I'd say something like "I'm sorry, but we are on a really tight budget right now with the two kids, so your gift is going to be late (or small or whatever). And I'm sure you understand, since you weren't able to afford that crib you wanted to buy us". You can bring it to her attention that she failed to get you a gift, without being rude, and maybe she'll get the message.
FYI, I agree with schmidte.. - make sure your husband is on board with your decision. I'm guessing its his sister or his brother's wife? You don't want to add tension to your own marriage over it.
2007-03-19 07:42:41 · answer #8 · answered by Erin 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Sounds just like my sister-in-law.
My opinion? A baby shower isn't about you filling her wishlist to the letter. A baby shower is about you sharing her joy in bringing a new life into the world. If she's going to be greedy, I would pick out something nice, practical and under $20. Oh, and she can wait until the shower to get it!
A gift is not something that should be dictated. If she's going to be greedy, she's not going to be appreciative of anything you give her. It's never going to be "nice" enough. (Or maybe I'm just venting about my sister-in-law.)
(FYI: the dollar store sells bibs and bottles. If it were me, I'd find the nicest ones they have and send them COD. But, then again, I'm not concerned about whether my SIL likes me or not!)
2007-03-19 07:38:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your not overreacting that is crazy. I would just get her the stroller and tell her that well you thought it would be better to invest in something nice and a little more expensive and share it than to get her something small like bottles or a bib that she could probably have an easier time finding and affording. Its sincere, honest, and yet if she isn't a complete idiot sort of a throwin it in your face, if you know what I mean.
2007-03-19 09:20:31 · answer #10 · answered by trickyvicky12 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋