How can I encourage my 4yr old son to respect my parents?

Question

My parents are soemtimes home with my son while I am at work and that is when the real trouble begins. He calls them names and sometimes to jump on them. They try to talk, yell or punish him but it still does not work. So they have given up and allow "The Disney Channel" to raise my child for an hour. You would think an hour can do no harm but it does. He has become lazy in school and only wants to watch his favorite shows. He knows every Jump in song but cannot follow his school work. He has lost his motvation! Even when I request my parents not the put the TV on they complained that they are tired and this is the only way he stays still and listen. Please, do not suggest to me not to leave him with them b/c I do not do it by choice. I do not get home from work until 7 and afterschool closed at 6. So it is always an hour of frustration for them and me? How do I do this with no support from my parents? I do I take control so far away?

Answer 1

Sit him down and set some rules for grammies and grampies house (thats what my kids call em). He's old enough to understand rules and consequences. You need to include grammie and grampie in this talk. Then make a chart. When he does his homework, he gets a sticker, when he behaves, he gets a sticker, when he uses a proper voice with grandparents, he gets a sticker. ONLY when he has accummulate 4 stickers can he watch ONE HALF hour of tv. If he misbehaves, calls names, jumps on the grandparents, then NO tv at all that night. If he doesn't behave in school, he goes to bed 1/2 hour early. If you do the talking, and let him know these are YOUR rules and these are the consequences he's chosen if he doesn't follow them, then he won't take it out on the grandparents. Remind grammie and grampie to let him know when he's misbehaved in a normal tone of voice, that HE chose to have a time out when he didn't follow the rule. HE chose to have no tv time when he broke the rules. Also remind them they have to support your rules or it won't work for anyone. He's 4, remember that. He's still learning the lay of the land so to speak. If they continue on the path they are, by the time he's in second grade you'll have a first class bully on your hands who is uncontrollable. Print out some pages like his school work and have him practice one page a night. Tell your parents to help him. This will keep him calm a little longer. These are things I've done and they work if you are consistant, and if you mean business. I'm mom to 3.

Answer 2

I have to agree with the minority opinion here. Your son's problem is not respect, it is that his day is far too exhausting and stressful for a child his age. Your parents' place should be a place he can chill. It's great that he knows every song. That's appropriate, that's where he should be mentally.

You are giving your son a bad life. You are not mothering when you pop in at 7pm and see a 4 year old a few hours a week, you are merely a 'manager'. And kids this young need moms, not managers.

You must find a way to give him a child friendly life before it is tooooo late.

Answer 3

First ask your parents to work with you for 2 weeks on a new strategy to teach him to behave. Then create a chart or system where you can show him his progress. Explain to him what is expected. When he is behaving as expected, praise him and reward him with a sticker on the chart or something similar. Arrange a reward for reaching his goal on the chart. Maybe if he reaches his goal he can watch Disney on Friday afternoon.

Also create a bag of activities that he can do that will keep him busy at your parents. Maybe he is bored and doesn't know how to entertain himself. Purchase a special set of lego's or things that he chooses. Only allow him to play with those toys during the time he spends with your parents. Maybe when he reaches his goal on the progress chart he can add a new activity to the bag. You will probably need to rotate toys in and out of the bag so that he doesn't lose interest in them.

Tell your parents that you know they are frustrated and you want to help them , too. Maybe they have enough energy to give it one more shot. Reward them with dinner or a movie for all they do. Maybe they have quit trying because they don't feel appreciated by your son. If you show them appreciation it may help them feel better about the situation.

Answer 4

you and your parents together can all work on the reward and punishment of your child. if he acts up then they should put him in his room (if you dont believe in spanking) and not allow anything to be on or out. when he does what is expected then they or you can set aside a day of fun for all of you to show him that he will be treated better the better he does. you need to make this count with his school too so that he knows that he has to do what is asked by the teachers as well as at home. it is easy if he comes home with bad reports then he doesnt get tv or free time and if he gets good reports he gets to choose (within reason) something fun to do. you didnt mention the father so i assume he isnt there and that could lead to some of it if his friends have dads that pick them up. if i am wrong and his dad is there then have him set aside one on one time when he does what he is asked

Answer 5

If your son is that badly behaved, then the best thing that you could do is to take something away from him that he loves. You or your parents! Don't let the kid run things. You're just begging for trouble if you do! He's testing, and getting his way. This is the worst possible thing that can happen. Sit him down in front of your parents and tell him that until he minds grandma and grandpa, he's going to lose his favorite thing until he can learn to behave. Then have your parents enforce it also. My kids got a little swat on the behind at that age. In this day and age, someone may want to take them away cause that's cruel. Is it really? (They're both great guys).

Answer 6

Allowing him to watch the TV is rewarding his bad behaviour. Try to get them to verbally reprimand him quietly and firmly, and then to ignore him, or put him into his room, or another safe place. He will probably then thow a tantrum, but if the batteries are taken out of the remote and TV turned off while on a news channel, he is unable to get his favorite reward. After being completely ignored / in time out for 5 minutes, or when he is quiet, they should then suggest reading him a story or playing a game that encourages interaction. If he is still stroppy, have them continue to ignore him, offering to play at regular intervals.

If he plays nicely for a while, maybe then he can watch a little bit of TV (15 mins max) to give them a rest. BUT dont just turn the television on, have them look at the TV guide beforehand and find a short program at the right time. If that doesnt work, get a video/DVD with short cartoons on them, and offer that as a reward instead. That way, you can turn it off after one episode.

Have your parents offer the TV reward themselves, after they feel he has behaved well, rather than giving in to demands. Also, ask them to watch it with him, and talk to/laugh with him about it during or after the program. That way, he gets to see his grandparents as fun, and encourages interaction. Also, it will distract from the TV being turned off at the end.

Maybe time the TV reward as a regular treat just before you get back, so your return is also a distraction/reward after the TV is turned off, and you can ask him about it.

TV isnt neccesarily bad, but try and encourage him to talk to you about it, which should help his learning.

Answer 7

Okay, first off - your son is far too young for school and that accounts for motivational problems. An hour of tv will not ruin his motivation. Long days, teaching little boys when they should learn by watching and doing and playing, little time with mom, too many caregivers - all these things created the problem he has.

Also, kids raised in day care (school as you call it) are more aggressive and have more behavioral problems.

Your son is a 'terror' because to be in day care until 6 pm is really outrageous and harmful. If you are unable to do a better job and find a way to get your son a less stressful life, then just let him watch tv at your folks. YOu are kidding yourself that this is the problem so let it go.

See if your parents will let you move back in and quit working so someone can raise this poor boy and rescue him from the really horrible, inappropriate, stressful, downright abusive and neglectful life you are giving him. There is not a way to make this work. Imagine putting a seedling in a freezer. It's not gonna thrive, it's not gonna make it.

This is what you've done to your son. You are setting yourself up for a wretched life with him, but you are setting him up for a horrible life his whole life. He has bonding and attachment problems, behavior problems, 'school' problems, and he probably was sick a lot like most day care kids are.

Stop blaming your parents, for heavens sake stop pretending an hour of disney is raising him - you are letting strangers raise him. Why shouldn't he, after the horrible terrible day he has to endure because of the lousy life you've given him, chill out with tv?

Answer 8

take your son's tv time away from and make time out time insteadsat a chair in the corner and let him know that is his chair for being bad don't give in to him no matter what tell him until he learns to listen and quit being lazy he will spend a lot of Time Out Time in the Chair hopefully this will help everybody some

Answer 9

It can be very bothersome i agree, but we as parents are not allowed to be strict with our own kids and kids know this...
They twist our arms and create havoc..
I think you should be firm with your kid when your parents tell you about your child's behaviour. Your parents must report the behaviour infront of you and then you correct the child. THis way a child would know what can follow a bad behaviour!

Answer 10

at the beginning, please do no longer carry on with the advice left by utilising chubbiguy40!! while you're patently in contact by utilising this behaviour, punishing him and coaching him that that's incorrect to locate his interest approximately his physique will basically supply him extreme psychological subjects for existence - my buddy's mom and father used to "punish" him for even finding at ladies in the line and on the age of 25 he nevertheless cant deliver himself to coach any sign of love to the different intercourse, even his sister, without hurting himself afterwards as "punishment". What you ought to do is take a seat him down the subsequent time he touches and ask him why he does that. pay attention to his answer (it is going to in all probability be "I dont understand" or "I observed --- doing it") wherein case you calmly clarify that that's no longer some thing to do in front of persons. If he ought to touch his privates, he can gain this in his very own mattress room with the door close and no one else in there. besides the shown fact that it upsets mummy whilst he does it in front of her or all of us else. Then enable him make up a secret codeword that for the period of effortless terms you and him understand (and perhaps dad too, if he spends plenty time with him without you around) so as that if he starts doing it at an irrelevant time you could say this observe and he's acquainted with to offer up. that's substantial which you're saying the observe as quickly as he starts doing it and that he learns he ought to respond immediately. This makes it much less complicated in that he will understand what you recommend and you dont ought to have an embarrassing scene. For the checklist, that's commonplace. My cousin whilst he grow to be 3 went with the aid of a level of asking all people to play together with his. It grow to be very embarrassing, yet as quickly as we stopped reacting brazenly and gave him this codeword, he quickly have been given the assumption. Please additionally undergo in concepts that at 3 or 4 (or perhaps 5) years previous toddlers are no longer totally attentive to the version between perfect and unacceptable behaviour - they're discovering, and as a make certain it is your duty no longer in effortless terms to make specific they maintain on with social etiquette yet understand WHY they're allowed to act one way and not yet another.