SOMEBODY HELP!!!!! PLEASE i really need your advice!!!!!!!!?

Question

I've been with my bf for 2 months(im 21,hes24)I am his first gf in 2 yrs(his ex cheated on him & was badly hurt this)At first he was always wanting to see me,we live 30 min away and only i have a car.In the first couple weeks he took me to meet his parents and his friends.Lately hes been acting distant.Now we barely see each other and when we do,we are either at his parents house or out with his friends.I hate having to 'schedule' myself in.I feel neglected & like he doesnt care about me. i've brought his up with him b4 and he just tells me i shouldnt feel like that and to just "chill" and that hes "not going anywhere".When we are together he is very kind and tells me how much he enjoys hanging out with me,but then I dont see him for 4 or 5 days.i've noticed he drinks alot.Now he wants to know wats wrong!!I want to bring this up again b/c it's REALLY bothering me.I dont want to break up and I dont want to play games.Why do u think hes acting like this???Is he scared/confused???

Answer 1

OK THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IN THE SAME DAY THAT YOU ASKED THIS QUESTION. YOU ALREADY GOT YOUR ANSWER SO WHY ASK IT AGAIN? STOP WAISTING PEOPLES TIME AND MOVE ON LITTLE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

THIS WAS THE FIRST QUESTION :
PLEASE HELP!!!! I REALLY NEED YOUR OPINION/ADVICE!!!!! thanks?
I've been with my bf for 2 months(im 20,hes24)I am his first gf in 2 yrs(his ex cheated on him & was badly hurt this)At first he was always wanting me to come out to where he lives,we live 30 min away and only i have a car.In the first couple weeks he took me to meet his parents and his friends and i was very happy with this new relationship.Lately hes been acting distant.Now we barely see each other and when we do,we are either at his parents house or out with his friends.I feel neglected & like he doesnt care about me i've brought his up with him b4 and he just tells me i shouldnt feel like that and to just "chill" and that hes not going anywhere.When we are together he is very attentive and tells me how much he enjoys hanging out with me,but then I dont see him for 4 or 5 days.i've also noticed he drinks alot.I want to bring this up again b/c it's REALLY bothering me.I dont want to break up and I dont want to play games..Why do u think hes acting like this?how should i handle this?

3 hours ago - 3 days left to answer. - 19 answers - Report Abuse

Answer 2

Ok second answerer (Jizzmop) that was uncalled for and a stupid jerky comment. Funny how some people always jump to conclusions and blame the girl for a guys actions.

Anyway it sounds like he may be comfortable with things just the way they are and yes it is possible he has a drinking problem, if so he should be in AA and fix himself first before being in a relationship.

He's 21 and likes to drink and party like many guys that age.

He is comfortable with things just the way they are but its clear you are feeling very insecure and need more of his attention and time then you are getting from him.

Talk to him about it again. Tell him you are not happy with things as they are and tell him exactly what you need from him...If he truly loves you and cares he will do whatever it takes but the fact also still remains he is 21, likes to drink and doesn't have a car.

Best of luck and even if it doesn't work...you tried.

There are so many guys in the world and you will find one that will give you what you want and need, who isn't drinking all the time and has a car.

Answer 3

Probably a little of both, scared and confused. Depending on how much his last relationship hurt him. Sounds like he might be drinking because of this also. That might cloud his judgment. I would try to talk to him and be around him more, this will show him you are dedicated and want this to seriously work. But not to the point that it drives him away if he is seeking some space or "alone time" to figure out what he wants. Allow him to see that you are for real but still give him some space. Be honest with him about the drinking, that doesn't sound healthy for either of you.

Answer 4

He's acting like that because you are allowing him to act like that. Don't put up with that behavior. He is using you for when he doesn't have anyone else, otherwise he wouldn't wait 4 or 5 days to see you. You have only been with him for 2 months and already you have all this drama. Either dump him and move on to a healthier relationship with someone, or deal with all the games he is playing with you. The choice is yours. Thank you and good luck.

Answer 5

well maybe he doesnt have much experience with the whole relationship stuff and hasnt got that far yet and just doesnt know what to do next, or think if he spends everyday with u he would sooner or later push u away. but then it is also possible that this is exactly what happend with his last girlfriend and when she barly saw him she started cheating, have u ever heard her side of that story? well i really hope for u that it is the frist one.
Ps: if the drinking bothers u than talk to him about it, if u start making such big compromises now there than its only gonna get worse in future.
good luck

Answer 6

i know how you (and he) feels EXACTLY, and I listened to my fears and messed it up big time. IF you are emotional and attached, paranoid, fearful, and obsessed, write down what you want to do, what your gut says to do, and then do the opposite, because your feelings are lying to you. my advice is chill. i wish i would have. it only makes it worse by pushing someone who is unsure of what they want. it doesn't matter what you feel. don't appear unstable, don't emote. it will push him farther away. make the small time you have with him the best time. make him want more, not by being distant but by being there without appearing needy. don't give him everything. don't guilt him, or threaten you are going to leave if he doesn't change. don't trick, but play it cool. get perspective and do other things. people don't work well under pressure. communicate, but don't tell him your world. don't talk about your past. don't show him your mind, don't criticize, only be there to have a good time, and the drinking will slow down i bet. let him choose you for the good you are. no drama. show him only good. read these words over and over and never change paths, even when you have him, and trust you will if it was meant to be. yes, he is scared/uncertain and it doesn't really matter why, it's his problem... so be careful about appearing controlling. let him be free. let him be him. you have many many years to work on understanding. understand first, then seek to be understood. warm him up girl, but don’t allow yourself to be frustrated if things don’t go as planned. don’t turn disappointment into disaster.

Answer 7

OK well it could be is Friends guys tend to rank on other guys that hang out a lot with there girlfriend kinda like breaking the circle kinda dumb but... and the just chill and not going anywhere part. would he chill if it were him feeling this way and accept i am not going anywhere for a answer?? but in my case it was friends and if he has been by himself for that long he has a pattern made kinda hard to break it.

Answer 8

Maybe he's cheating on you. When guys get very distant and you notice a lot, the first thing that pops up is that he's cheating on you. Also, you mentioned that he drinks alot. He might be very alcohlic and you might need to get him help. Also, maybe he's kinda depressed. Ask him about his family, friends, and see if you can get anywhere w/ that. Just talk to him and If he tries to change the subject, look him straight in the eye and say, " Listen. I want to talk about this very seriously and I want you to be serious about this too cz its really bothering me."

Answer 9

He has issues, sweetie, the drinking is symptomatic of that. Either he will allow you to get close to him and share with you what is bothering him -- and thereby allow you guys to grow closer -- or he will not do it, remaining distant and aloof. My advice is to talk to him. Tell him you like him and are concerned, but that you have needs too. Tell him that if he doesn't start fulfilling you needs (i.e. for closeness, sharing of concerns, everything) that you are going to walk. Try it! If it doesn't work, you haven't lost anything because you never had anything to start with . . . .

Answer 10

sounds like he's just taking his time. why do you want to rush things? dont cater to his scheduling and see him when its appropriate to you. get your own life and you dont have to worry about what he's thinking. take time with him though, relationships shouldnt be hurried. I agree with him that you should just chill, if you keep on bugging him with this and wanting to "talk" about it, your going to lose him. if your cool and fun when your with him, he'll want to be around you more. you have to stop letting this bother you and relax. do you really want to persue a relationship with a guy that drinks a lot. probably not. you want a guy that treats you like you want to be treated and wants to be with you all the time. some guys just need a lot of space. if you aren't getting what you want out of this relationship, then move on. there are lots of guys out there.