Whose Wedding Is it Anyway?

Question

My mom has opened up to the idea of my getting married. She has started to help with the wedding plans even. We have issues on who is going to walk me down the aisle. See my parents have been divorced since I was three years old. My mother is re-married and my step-father was there for me when my real father wasn't.
My mother states that unless I ask my step-father to walk me down the aisle she will not attend the wedding. But I have made up with my real father. It turned out the times he wasn't there for me were medically related. I have even forgiven him. I want him to walk me down the aisle.
What do I do? I want my mother at my wedding and I want my father to walk me down the aisle. As it stands right now I can't have both. This is a major issue between me and my mother she refuses to hear anything other than my step-father will walk me down the aisle.
Could I go for a compromise and have both my real father and my step-father walk me down the aisle or what? suggestions welcome.

Answer 1

First I believe that you and your mother need to have a serious heart to heart talk. She may know some things that you don't. She may have some valid reasons for not wanting your real father in the wedding.
Don't get me wrong. I fully believe that it is your day not your mother's and she should respect your wishes. You seem to have valid reasons for wanting your real father to be part of your wedding.
Maybe the two of you could come up with a compromise that is pleasing to all. I agree with the suggestion of having both men walk you down the aisle. Just tell your mother your reasons for having your father in the wedding and listen to her reasons against the idea before making a decision. You don't want to alienate your mother considering the joyous occassions that are about to occur in your life.
Congrats and good luck.

Answer 2

It is your wedding - don't forget that! Of course you want your father to walk you down the aisle and have your mother attend as well. I have seen and read many articles on who can/should walk a bride down the aisle.

Ultimately, I see the same answer - it is completely up to the bride. I saw reference to a brother giving the bride away; both parents giving the bride away; even just the mother. So - I see no reason why you shouldn't be able to have both your father and step father walk you down the aisle.

I hope that your mother and both father and step father respect your wishes and see that you are trying to make the best of a very difficult situation. Good luck to you. I hope it works out well for you.

Answer 3

As I see it you can certainly do have a choice on your hands. Your mother should be making this easier on you instead of harder. She should be coming up with ways of easing the stress not causing more. But getting back to the solutions.

Yes you can most certainly have both men walk you down the aisle if thats what you really want to do. There are a couple of ways in which you could do this.

1. Have both men walk you all the way down the aisle.
2. Have each one walk you half way down the aisle.

I am certain your mother will have issues with the father/daughter dance as well. So you may want to look into having two father/daughter dances.

Just tell your mother this is YOUR day and not HERS and she will have to live with your decision. I believe as many of the others do that she is just trying to manipulate and bully you into doing what she wants. Don't let her get to you that way.
If she doesn't go to your wedding she will be the one to regret it not you.

Have fun planning the wedding of your dreams and congrats.

Answer 4

There are a number of ways to do this, you could:

Have your father walk you halfway down the aisle and then have your step-dad finish the walk with you.

or

You could have them both walk you down together if that doesn't feel too awkward for anyone

or

you could have one walk you down and the other gets the father/daughter dance at the reception

Your choice not your mom's, she may tell you she wont stand it if you don't do it her way or that she wont attend your wedding even.... but generally these are just "bully tactics" to try and get you to do what they feel is best. It is your mother she is unlikely to miss your big day even if you chose to dress as a clown and have your father drop you from a trapeze to a net altar LOL. Good luck and have FUN with the planning, its supposed to be fun.

Answer 5

I can understand your frustrations with this one... I say have both of your dads walk you down. My friend did that with her dad and step dad, and it was really cute. You can even do 2 father daughter dances, one with your step dad and one with your real one.

I think resolving the "who walks down the aisle" question won't be so bad; however, I definitely think you should address this whole, do what I want or I'm not going attitude your mom has! Maybe it wouldn't hurt to gently remind her that this is YOUR wedding, and your decisions to make!! This is one of the most happiest times of your life, planning your wedding, and let her know you want to be able to plan together, not against each other. No matter what, this is YOUR day and you have the final say.

Good luck, and congratulations!!

Answer 6

I went to a friend's wedding where her father and step father walked her down the aisle. She also did 2 father-daughter dances... one with each of them. I think that is a good compromise since you want both of them and your mom to be a part of your day.

Answer 7

I would go with what you want and ask them both. If you're mother says she won't attend unless your step father walks you down the aisle then tell her that you'll be very upset but that is her call and you have nothing to do with her decision. I wouldn't miss my kids' weddings for anything.

Answer 8

Absolutely.

Thats the best resolution. I'm sure you love your stepfather and think of him as a good dad? and you have no made up with your real father and no matter what grudge your mother holds to your father thats her problem.

if your mother would really not show up to the wedding for that reason well thats selfish and pety.

My father wasent in my life for many years and just recently weve become more friends then father daughter. I wanted my grandfather to walk me down the eisle...my aunt made a big stink about it.

My other aunts husband was more of a father during teenage years.

What I decided to do was have my father walk me down the eisle and have my grandfather and uncle be up at the alter.

When the officiant asks who gives this bride away im going to have all 3 say we her family do.

You do what you feel is best your mother will come around and if she doesnt i apologize but then so be it.

Does your step father feel offended if he doesnt walk you down the eisle?

Answer 9

First of all it is YOUR wedding don't forget that. If your mother wants to be selfish let her. If she really loved you she would listen to what you had to say and understand why you want your real father. It is not your fault they got divorced and your mother should not be mad at you because you made up with your father and love him. Yes you can have both of them escort you down the isle and in fact that is a great comprimise and if your mother doesn't like it forget her! She has to understand that he is your father and he also deserves to be a part of your life! You could also have 2 small cerimonies but that is a lot of work for an issue like this! I would also talk with my stepdad to see how he feels on the subject will he be hurt if your real dad walks you? Once you get his feelings and ideas it might be easier to talk with your mother. You might also want to reminder her that when she got married it was HER day! Good luck and congrats!

Answer 10

It's really unfair of your mother to give you an ultimatum like that. You could try talking to her. Keep in mind, she is an adult and needs to take responsibility for her words and choices. As do you.

With that said, I have heard it suggested -- in cases such as these -- that perhaps your biological father could walk you half-way down the aisle and then your stepfather could walk you the rest of the way. The symbolism being that your father was there when you were born and little and your stepfather is the man who raised you.

Another person suggested you walk yourself down the aisle. That's another nice idea except I would suggest that it could symbolize your independence and adult-hood.