I have been in a relationship with a guy for ten years. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 23. She has been at University. We have given her £50 a month towards helping her out as has her mother. She refused to get a job in a bar, cleaning or a fast food joint. She worked Sunday mornings answering the phone in a car dealership. We have bailed her out a couple of times duirng the 4 years she has been at Uni to the tune of several hundred pounds, so has her mother I believe. Also whilst she was a teenager she had her own phone/internet access which she repeatedly ran up bills of in excess of £100 a month. Now my dilemma is this. My partner bought some BAA shares when his daughter was little and they are now being bought out and are worth £2,500. Do you think he should just hand over the money to his daughter? We have a daugther together also who is 6 plus we have some debts which this money would really help with.
2007-03-19 06:16:59 · 17 answers · asked by SHARON A 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Were the shares bought for 'her future' or with that in mind? If so then I think they are kind of 'hers' but then I think that your partner needs to talk to her about money and what he is prepared to pay out for her over the years. He could explain that he has been happy to support her education and he is happy to help her start her new life debt free but that will have a knock on effect say when she wants to get married - that there won't be as much money 'in the pot' for that.
You say 'she has been a Uni' so I'm guessing that she's no longer there - is she working? If she is working why does she need this extra money?
Of course if the shares were never bought with the daughter in mind and your partner does want to sell themthen they are his to do with what he wants and I would say the same as all the money experts that it is pointless to have savings and investments if you have debts.
Time to let the older daughter free into the big world of grown ups I think.
2007-03-19 08:20:44 · answer #1 · answered by Leapling 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the shares were bought in his daughter's name or were bought with the intention of giving them to her, a bit like the old endownment insurance policies and she knew this I suppose it's only right she should get them. If this is the case I hope he has also went in to some sort of savings scheme for the daughter you both have? If they are in your partner's name I cannot think why he should give them over to your step daughter, more so if you have debts. If he is looking at it as sort of windfall then it would be nice to give all the family a little bit but his younger daughter and yourself are all part of the family and if his money would seem unfair to hand it over to his elder daughter.
2007-03-19 11:27:34 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, you guys chose to help her instead of making her learn that life is not handed to you on a platter. I understand that helping your children is important, and that is our job as parents, but she is in university and she should be able to take care of herself like so many other students do. There are jobs out there and if she refuses to work than it is time to apply the tough love theory. As for the money, I think yes she should get some as her father bought them for her ( i think as you did not make that part clear) and she is entitled. As for your daughter together, you should maybe buy her some too. But this is something he got for HER so he should giver some NOT all.
2007-03-19 06:24:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like this daughter is being spoilled rotten. In the end she's going to suffer as she won't understand the value of money and saving it.
Were the shares bought for his daughter? If you keep giving her money then she'll keep asking for it. She needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and stop being a spoilt brat.
Make sure you are treating your actual daughter the same way otherwise she may grow up to resent you both.
2007-03-19 06:23:48 · answer #4 · answered by lollysarah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have been extremely generous - both you and your step-daughter's own mother. She is 23 or god's sake. She needs to get herself a job and earn her own money - stand on her own two feet. I hate to say it any money you giver her is being spent on her own excesses i.e. over use of internet and phone and no doubt going out enjoying herself. Please keep this money for you and your partner - pay off your own debts which most probably have increased by your stepdaughter's spending.
2007-03-19 06:28:15 · answer #5 · answered by Bexs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely no reason the step-daughter should just be handed money. I would divide it up, between the debts and the daughters. Pay your debts down and put the girls money in a bank account that your older step-daughter cannot touch until she grows up,literally!!
2007-03-19 06:27:28 · answer #6 · answered by MJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I think you are really generous, my ex hasn't given my 2 children 1p since he left. I think to solve the problem you may be better just giving her £500.00 but i would tell her you cannot help her anymore as now she is old enough to stand on her own two feet. As long as her dad keeps giving her money she will keep on take, take, take. Then the rest of the money can go for your family.
2007-03-19 08:15:09 · answer #7 · answered by kevina p 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume he doesnt want to give it to her. someone else suggested the money be split and I agree with them. Also I believe your partner is responsible for his daughter till she leaves university. So yes split it up it would be best and fair.
2007-03-19 07:11:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should split it, and tell her this is the last lot she`s getting, and you`re not bailing her out any more. I hope your partner has drawn up a will if you`re not getting married.
2007-03-19 06:22:24 · answer #9 · answered by *~STEVIE~* *~B~* 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not good to spoil a child rotton as it only spoils them for the rest of their lives, learning the true value of money and learning how to be responsible is truely a gift for life. so my answer is no dont give her the money..... cruel to be kind and all tht. good luck
2007-03-19 07:38:36 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋