i have been going out with my girlfriend for about a year and a half now... i love her. every month she get nervious about her period... and every month we talk about her getting on birth control... and every month she promises she will go to a docter for birthcontrol... and every month she dosent...
i am just so upset right now... she makes me so afraid... i told her today that i am not going to have sex with her again... i love her so much but when her period comes around we bicker and fight... i am begining to think that we arent responsiable enough to be having sex... and i know the answer... we arent...
i just want a little bit more protection.... i use a condom... never broke one... i just really want a end to this fight... i am tired...
i love her so much... and sex just gets in the way sometimes... i just dont know what to say... or what to do...i know i want everything and dont want to give up anything...
i am writeing this here looking for other peoples insight...
2007-03-19 06:10:30 · 15 answers · asked by little dazed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You say that every month you talk about her getting on birth control, but don't mention any reasons WHY she doesn't want to.
Clearly, she does not want to go on bc. So, you need to ask her WHY and figure out the reasons, instead of just pressuring her. There could be medical reasons (the pill is linked to high blood pressure, for instance), she could be scared about possible long-term side effects, she may be scared about doing to a doctor, she may resent having to pay for it, maybe she's hoping to get pregnant... the point is that you two are not openly communicating.
It's good that you use a condom... kudos, that is very responsible. If you are still uncomfortable, tell her that you won't have intercourse until this issue is resolved. She needs to quit lying and be honest with you.
Sex is a complicated issue. You have your boundaries and the truth is, you can't force her to do anything she does not want to do. You can only control your behavior. Try to get out of the pattern of "You promised" and "Ok, ok, I'll go to the doctor" and then she never does... to "All right, what is the problem here? What can we do to resolve this? Let's look at all the birth control options together and find one we are comfortable with."
If she really won't be honest with you, then don't have sex with her.
2007-03-19 06:27:03 · answer #1 · answered by thedrisin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, this is a hard subject to deal with.
Ok. Birth control pills are A Drug.
I have allergies and I have to take pills everyday. I have a concern that in 10 years I'm going to find out that the drugs I have to take are bad for my liver, or my heart, or whatever. Look at what has come out in the last 5 years. Drug companies getting sued because they didn't fully disclose the side affects of their drugs.
Maybe your girlfriend has this concern. Maybe she is too shy to go see a doctor for a perscription.
I think birth control is the responsibility of both parties. It should be discussed and negotiaged. When my wife and I first got together I wore a condom. After our first child I wore a condom ('Cause she didn't want back to back kids). Also, when I was single, I always had a condom on me. Even if the woman told me she had birth control. There were very few women that I dated that I trusted enough to keep using their birth control and that I trusted enough not to cheat on me.
I know, it's not the most comfortable thing, but, it's the responsible thing.
Good luck.
A~
2007-03-19 06:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by BigMac2xk 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you asked her WHY she is so nervous about her period, and WHY she is so reluctant to start birth control? Are their other issues here that you are not aware of, or that she is afraid to face?
It's definitely a good and reasonable idea to use two forms of birth control - condoms can break, and even at best are only 97-99% effective. Birth control pills would be an excellent additional precaution. Not having sex with her again is a wise decision, but also something of an ultimatum, which can be difficult.
If sex is causing stress or unhappiness in your relationship, and you feel that you raen't mature enough to deal with it, you're probably making the right choice by abstaining until you and your girlfriend can deal with these issues. Talk with her and ask her to explain what is holding her back, and then work with her to resolve those issues (you may want to encourage her to speak with a doctor, counselor, or adult friend about these issues, if it's something she's not comfortable sharing with you yet).
2007-03-19 06:22:38 · answer #3 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know you aren't responsible enough to be having sex, stop having sex.
If you bicker over sex, stop having sex.
If sex gets in the way, stop having sex.
If she refuses to use birth control, stop having sex.
Sex isn't a "right" you get when you have a girlfriend, it's a privilege that should be reserved for mature, committed married couples.
2007-03-19 06:19:56 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i agree, you shouldn't have sex unless you're both being responsible!
also, maybe you need to be more open and talk about the "aftermath" of pregnancy and stds! the more open the dialect, the better your realtionship will be, esspecially if you plan on staying together for a long time!
i've been with my husband for 15 years. we have stayed together so long because we talk about everything! health, sex, food, everything!
maybe you could offer to take her to the dr., she might just need some extra support!
2007-03-19 06:16:49 · answer #5 · answered by bearfox_traders 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, she needs to go on birth control. I would do just like you are doing. Stop the sex until she gets the birth control.
2007-03-19 06:15:40 · answer #6 · answered by Amanda 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell her that she better go and get birth control if she wants some fun in the future.
did you ever think that maybe she doesnt want the pill or whatever, like maybe she feels uncomforable about the whole concept of having it, or talking to her parents about it??
well good luck
2007-03-19 06:17:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
good job... you are being responsible and that's great.
tell her straight up no more sex til she's on birth control... my bf and i did that and then on one night we got drunk and wound up not listening to what we said and now i might be pregnant and i wish we would've stopped having sex but we didn't.
however, in your situation you are handling it very well and she should understand that you are thinking of both of you when you make that decision... however, she is a girl and will automatically assume you are cheating on her if you aren't having sex with her so inform her that you aren't.
2007-03-19 06:16:56 · answer #8 · answered by Back*To*Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
looks like you guys are not ready for something that you are doing right now. You guys need to stop having sex at least, for a while.
2007-03-19 06:16:19 · answer #9 · answered by boricua_chick_21 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just keep telling her or drag her to the doctor to get the pills and then say if she doesn't take the pill your not going to do anything sexual with her until she takes it.
2007-03-19 06:16:53 · answer #10 · answered by Steph1490 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋